Making efforts to remove my 18yr old daughter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by runawaybunny, Jan 29, 2018.

  1. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Posting this on behalf of @Frantic yet focused

    Hi All,
    I am new to this website but relief flooded me upon it's discovery. I am on the verge of making efforts to remove my 18yr old daughter. She is acting out right now as I have tried to advise her of my intentions and gave her a potential place for her to look at. She tore it up. Our situation is untenable. I am certain of a disorder of some sort without medical training but a lot of reading I am certain it is Narcissistic Borderline Personality Disorder. She has been admitted twice to Emergency due to veiled threats of suicide when she has had attention turned away from her and we were all trying to do something important or fun for ourselves (boyfriends of the time too). Boyfriends there are a stream of them and it crosses boundaries I am prepared to accept in the house. One of them stole all my jewellery and is now in gaol for armed robbery my case and the armed robbery brought his sentence in. She ran away from home more than once, stole money my other daughters items but constitently accuses us of being the problem. I have even had an AVO on her for the violence and verbal abuse. This last young man in her life, a good person, I have told him to extract himself from her as soon as possible as our situation has escalated due to her behaviour when she is in a relationship. We are her slaves to do her bidding or a volcanoe of large proportions erupts. It's exhausting, at times terrifying and not great for my 14 yr old daughter. I have made her a promise this year would be different / better. My husband left home and is now overseas. We own a business together so I am running that almost solo and have done for almost 2 years now. Needless to say I am exhausted. I have a psychologist who is wonderful helping my 14 yr old who now has anxiety issues. My husband who was diagnosed with bipolar more than 10 yrs ago has trouble relating to emotional / disciplinary issues with children especially teenagers. He was not involved as a parent and is either full on or completely switched off. When my eldest was 13 she falsely accused him of paedophilia at school it was immediately quashed in less then 24hrs (she ran away then); my husband could not get over it for a very long time it is now buried not forgiven or forgotten.

    So I am determined to get her out of the house. Any suggestions? It is going to get ugly and I will have to ask the landlord if I can change the locks so help impede her breaking in (as she did at our other house frequently even without the keys) This place is fitted with an alarm and we can move again in April when this lease runs out if necessary. I am prepared to support her financially with the rent but she won't come out of her room. We have small improvements that she has a casual job (she hates) and is finally finishing school through TAFE as she hates being thought of as stupid because she did not finish school. She is highly intelligent, very manipulative and smiles like a feline but bites like a redback spider. Will Centrelink support her in anyway? Can I as a parent contact them to help extract her. The Police said I can get them involved, but I would prefer it to be willing than forced and the least financial burden on me to get her to leave we are stretched to the max as it is.

    Any advice or information or suggestions I am open to hearing anything.
    Thanks everyone.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. I am sorry about the pain.

    Where are you from? Most of us are in the U.S. where options are different. Are you in the UK? If so. We do have a few from there and hopefully they will see this.
     
  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I am sorry for your trouble. I hope you can find a way to get your daughter out peacefully. You are being generous to financially support her.
     
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel


    Maintain your support through the psychokigisband you know you plan to contact authorities and Change the locks is a good one.

    WhEn is enough enough? When it is. My heart goes out to you. This is tough stuff.
     
  5. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    Runaway,

    I had to laugh at your tag name, because if your'e at all like me, you've thought of running away from it all yourself.

    However difficult I think you are doing the right thing to have your daughter leave. If you can do it without police involvement, that's best. I made my 17 year old (he's now 32 and not doing much better) leave because of his effect on the whole family, particularly his younger brother. His disrespect, failure to honor rules, and temper made our home a miserable place.

    Nothing I tried worked: counseling, contracts, court intervention, etc. Because I love him, it hurt terribly to do this. When he was 15, we did get the police involved through a CHINS petition (Children in Need of Services. I have mixed feelings about police involvement because sometimes the court makes things worse, but we ran out of leverage, and the situation could not continue as was.

    I can also relate because I have a 37 year old borderline daughter with whom I've had to cut contact because she refuses to get help or to acknowledge that anything is wrong with her. I could not take the verbal abuse, rage, and being used any longer.

    You and your 14 year old deserve to have peace in your home. In my opinion you are doing all that you can, but that doesn't make it any easier. This is a great site to get the support you need to detach and to take care of yourself.