Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, May 1, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Mantrums - Man tantrums.

    husband is one big manturm waiting for a place to happen. This is not a good thing when I'm stilled major POed over the not paying April's house payment and other bills. And husband gave a pathetic excuse for not paying them.:mad:

    I'll have to set this up a bit with some background. Tuesday Nichole and I skipped our 13 hr school day because our school loan refunds were due. (and because that day is grueling to say the least) I emailed the instructor and told him my Dad passed suddenly. I needed an excuse that would wash for both Nichole and I to miss together. (yes, I'm a former difficult child) Of course the check didn't come because we skipped. Karma. But easy child wanted to go to the outlet mall anyway, she needed clothing for the baby. I took the opportunity to get money out of husband. Did it in front of easy child on purpose to embarass him enough to hand it over. He was POed but gave me 100.00 that was to be grocery money. He still had a wad of cash in his hand. When I asked for that too......he said it was gas and cigarette money.

    I didn't spend a dime. Loans refunds arrived the next day. I discovered he hadn't paid the house payment when I went to cash it.

    Thursday the excuse I gave Drawing Painting instructor came back to bite me in the arse. The man was so empathetic it was embarrassing. He made a huge deal out of it.........hung around Nichole and I......and even gave us an extra week to get our mid term work completed so we could "take care of family during this time". (no, we won't take advantage. Our work will be turned in on time)

    Came home and told husband all about it. Two reasons. 1. It's been ages since I met such an empathetic kind hearted male. and 2. To rub it in husband's face....also because he can't stand the thought of another male paying me any attention.

    I took husband and Travis out to eat with easy child and family. This was bending over backward to be kind. Didn't have to do it, and haven't done so on purpose in the past.

    On the way home husband stops to get cigs. He puts his hand out. I say "Excuse me? YOU have money" to which he has a manturm and stated he doesn't.:mad:

    Ok. I'm a *itch. I made him grovel a bit for it.

    Get home and he goes to take his laptop out and use it. Only he can't because his power cord is missing. He goes on the attack to Travis. (already POed over having to grovel) I step in and tell him I'M the one who made his power cord disappear. He blew a gasket. Told him I've been telling him since he bought the darn thing last year to stop leaving the power cord plugged into the wall and stretched out on the floor. We not only trip over it Aubrey and the dogs can get shocked. He never puts it away. Too lazy to unplug it from the wall. So last time I took it and hid it.

    Full blown manturm here worthy of any difficult child. Fine! I'll throw it away. Quit acting like a 2yr old husband. Give it to me. No. I warned you. You're lucky I didn't throw it away. (and he knows I will) Then I might as well throw out my computer. Your choice. But your not getting it back.

    Ten minutes of this. He didn't get the cord back. It's still hidden.

    The audacity of husband just blows me away. Not only did I not get a true explaination of where the money for the hp and bills went.....he acts like a total arse after I've just made the hp and taken him out to dinner and given him cigarette money.:mad:

    But this also showed me that not only did he not pay those things......the money to pay them completely vanished. He doesn't get paid until next friday and is flat broke. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    Now he'll nickle and dime me to death til payday.:mad: If I don't give him "gas money" he won't go to work.

    Abbey..........I might forget about divorce and use your sword.

    I was thinking about this last night. Ok brooding on this last night.

    Nursing school starts in sept. I think this is husband's way of sabotaging it, or attempting to. If he can keep the bills unpaid..........I'll wind up going to work and not going to nursing school. Possible. Wouldn't be the first time he has done it. I got a job once when the kids were little. He got fired from his 3 days later. I went back to school 3 yrs ago. He got fired my first day of school.

    husband is under estimating how stubborn I can be. (typical) He knows I plan to toss him on his arse when nursing school is over. He sealed his fate on that when he lost the job before this one. What he doesn't know is that I've had a backup plan in place since before I started school. I don't care if I loose this house or not. Doesn't mean a darn thing to me. So if necessary, I can let it go. easy child and sister in law have rooms set aside for both Travis and I should I decide I need them and we can live there until I finish school and get a job. I can even bring the animals. (they know I won't leave them behind)

    husband's passive-aggressive behavior and manturms are placing him on very thin ice and he's too stupid/difficult child to see it. The idiot. Meanwhile, I plan to make his life miserable for a good long while over not paying the bills/hp.

    husband has killed whatever feelings I've ever had for him. I've just been biding my time. That time will now be as miserable for him as it was for me the past 20 some odd years.

    If you got this far.........whew. Thanks for letting me vent. Now I'm off to cincy with easy child for Olive Garden and Sam's Club after I stop and pay mother in law's rent.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Lisa}}} Good for you for sticking to your plan and not wavering.

    When I went back to school years ago when the girlies were little, all my H had to do was being home BY 5:30 on Friday evenings. Just about EVERY week he would glide in at 5:45 - just late enough to make me miss the first 1/2 hour of class. And I was taking an abbreviated course, so we only met for 3 hours every Friday - I could not afford to miss that 30 minutes. I finally had to hire a neighbor kid to watch them till H got home. And told him that his passive-agressive behavior would not foil my plan. He actually looked like he was pouting when I hired the neighbor.

    Makes me wonder what some people are thinking when they behave this way. Don't they realize how it makes us fall out of love with them? Ugh.

    Anyway, good for you~
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm so sorry you are going through this....

    I just sent you a PM...

  4. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    God, that's a pain in the butt, hon. What a mess--I'd STILL be screaming at him about the house payment. Ooooh, so one of my pet peeves!! Here's to hoping you can get through the storm for a while and not lose your mind, too! :)

    I know you're just venting, but for your hurting heart - to be fair, though, you prodded him into this one. You intentionally got his panties in a twist, and now you're mad at him for getting mad? Sadly - you may be making him miserable (Which he TOTALLY deserves!), but you keep goin' that-a-way, you'll both end up miserable (and possibly on Jerry Springer or Maury!!! hehe!) If you want to stand any chance of making it til you're done with school, maybe live and let live til you can get the h-e-double-hockey-sticks (hehehe, that was fun to type) outta there! I know you're mad now, but do you really wanna live in a war-torn household for the next umpty-however-many months?
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Daisy! I know where the money went! He's paying OUR bills! We're married to the same man! :rofl::rofl:

    Actually, we're headed into a slightly better place right now. Sort of a holding pattern if you will!

    In the immortal words of BBK, "what a tool!" Sorry he's doing this!

    Last edited: May 1, 2009
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Any idea WHAT he's spending this disappearing cash on?
  7. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    This is what I'm worried about, too. Where'd it go?
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    What is it about men that we, as young women, could not stay away from? Did we not see this exact behavior all around us???
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would wonder that too. I would also be highly ticked off. I am so not good with money. I really am not. That is a given in this house. I used to do things like spend the rent and power bill money on clothes for the kids or fast food or just plain junk. It didnt go on things like drugs or booze but I did spend it carelessly and we just didnt have the reserves for me to do that. I had to get yelled at a few times and Tony had to take over control of all cash. Sure it made me mad but it was what had to happen. I have gotten better with age. I still dont keep the money because we dont completely trust me. We do have me go pay the bills in person but I know that is a "here is the bill money...give it to XXX" I dont stop at walmart first and browse. LOL.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I don't think you deliberately did anything to make him mad. Natural consequences, baby. If he won't do the little things to make sure the babies and pets are safe, then what choice does that leave you?

    He's been pulling this carp for far too long and you have put up with much, much more than you have typed here. I would have killed the man years ago. He's been more than happy to let you handle everything for HIS mom, while you go to school, take care of the house and family, help easy child prepare for the new baby and he couldn't even make it to work everyday.

    If it were me, I'd be taking easy child up on her offer once Nichole moves out. You can read the cards. You know what's happening. Why go through it yet again.

  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You're a good woman Lisa. How much time do you have left in school? Take easy child up on the offer. You only live once, don't waste any more time taking care of this man. You deseve so much more, all good things.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lisa. I know. And I divorced Husband 2.0 (Useless Boy) because of it. Stay strong! I'm so glad you have a backup plan.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Check into your local unemployment office and ask about your college being paid - through WORKFORCE INCENTIVE ACT.

    As far as mantrum man? Tsk Tsk........:ashamed:
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I can manage until next spring, which is when I'll graduate. Ninety percent of the time I ignore the man. He's not even worth the effort to fight.

    When I make him miserable it's in small subtle ways that make an impact, but that he really can't say anything about. Believe me, my mother and grandmother had it down to an art form. There won't be a war zone, because I won't tolerate one. He knows one of us would be out the door if it got that bad.

    I'd rather not put added stress onto easy child and sister in law unless it's absolutely necessary. They have their own problems and don't need mine added into the mix.

    This is only the tip of the Heather pointed out. But that will be over soon enough.

    He stumbled all over himself today trying to be Mr. Niceguy. Believe me I'm taking advantage......while also making certain he got nothing for supper. And will be dragging him out of bed shortly to go pick up Travis from work.

    Karma. Works in the other direction too.......sometimes with a lil bit of help. lol
  15. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Oh Dear Lord. After being warned about the cord he STILL acted like a difficult child? You're right....he's HOW old???

    You know...I can be lazy and I've got quite the temper. But...when husband calls me on it? Yeah I get po'd and pout, but I know he's right and will try to shut my trap and go off by myself to calm down. I don't do everything but throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming. That was definately a mantrum.

    For the gathering? I'll come a COUPLE of days early and I don't care where you live. I'll come get you and we'll go do something fun. :devil:

    *Speaking of which.....ARE you be somewhat on my way? I was serious about picking you up if it would be feasible.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Definitely sounds like you need out.
    So sorry. :(
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Stang, thanks. :D easy child is taking me to the gathering and we're planning on heading out that friday. I'm not sure if I'm anywhere near on your way or not. I'm way down in southern ohio.......not all that far from kentucky actually. lol

    easy child and sister in law know the score and while we were out today were discussing on how easy child can take me without having to drag the grands along. sister in law is going to see if he can manage to get the weekend off as well, just so he can stay home and watch the boys so we don't have to bring them along.

    Now, how did my daughter catch herself such a great guy?? Love him like a son, I do. :)

    Oh, as to where the money goes..........

    I've never gotten the truth out of husband. And believe me, I know when he's lying to me. I know in the past it was other women, and a long time mistress. Could be drugs......doubt it as I don't see any behavior to make me believe it.

    Although it may sound weird, I don't care what he spent it on........I'm POed it didn't get put where it was supposed to go. If husband managed to find another woman.......(chuckle, gag, snort) more power to him......and lord help her, she'll need it. BUT our money better stay here and be spent on what it is supposed to be spent on. Know what I mean???

    Our marriage has been dead in the water since I was hit by that truck. Long story. If it's drugs........his problem, not mine. husband hasn't been allowed alcohol for years......and uh, I'd know if he were sneaking. I can smell it a mile away. If it's a woman, I pity her.

    No matter what it is he's spending the money on......I don't care. The only thing I do care about is that it is being used to keep food on the table and the bills paid. I am taking over the bank account and the bills on his next payday. I'll simply do what I've done before and empty the account before he can get to it. lol

    Any how..........I had a totally ME day today.:D Tomorrow is my birthday. So sister in law and easy child took me to Olive Garden where I had my favorite meal.....then easy child and I went to the salon and got makeovers. I'm sporting a new hair do. Not sure whether I like it or not yet, though. lol

    Off to drag husband out of bed now. *insert evil laugh*
  18. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Happy Birthday and glad you had a good day!!!

    Let me know if things change...I will probably leave sometime Friday also but am throwing the idea around of leaving after work on Thursday. Just depends on where we wind up going and what is going on at work.
  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Will do Stang.

  20. ML

    ML Guest

    Wow, you are so cool. I love the term manturm, never hear that before and boy will I use it. I'm really glad you are on your way to become our CD nurse. Love, ML