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Matt is quitting school :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 400927" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thank you all ! I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. I needed a good cry and then a nap. I feel just as cruddy. But at least I'm not crying. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>To answer a few questions, he is a year behind so would have graduated next year. (This delay was because if any of you recall, I took him out to homeschool in grade 9 but then a truancy officer showed up and had him charged and a year probation, without giving us an option to show our homeschooling! Highly illegal might I add but Matt ended up refusing to let me fight for him and accepted things, including court order to return to full time classes). He is in the alternative school side of the regular local public high school. He struggled that first semester back and blew 2 credits, and in the past 2 years blew 2 more. He COULD have attended summer school this year as well as done a correspondence course through summer, then did a additional extra credit next year and he was on track to graduate next year. A year late but I had him mentally prepared to stick it out in spite of his anger about it all. </p><p></p><p>He has been ill with a bad flu and only returned back today from Christmas holidays. Because he's in the alt school, he is able to work at his own pace. Being late to return has not harmed him, he actually is weeks ahead of schedule with current credits. Well somehow, the stupid school has him marked for completing a credit he has never done, and has docked him 3 credits that they say he never got that he did. They are flat out refusing to fix it for him saying there is no error. This would mean after next year he'd need to return for yet another semester. It set him off, and let me just say its been a struggle since September to keep him focused on doing that one extra year to begin with. We've had many talks about it. Frankly this was a reason for him to cling to in order to drop out and say to heck with it all. I offered to fight for him at the school. He refused. To his credit, this school has messed up from day one. The principal has been actively attempting to get rid of ALL students in the alt program once they turn 18. It's been a battle for a while. Heck the principal due to Matt's appearance, thought he was over 18 when this year started and called him into the office for NOT reason to get him to sign papers to withdraw! Honest to goodness! WHen he was hating things but he was attending and doing the work and getting pretty darn good grades too. I shut that down right quick let me say. But no attempts are going to work today to convince Matt to continue on. He's just done and even though I do plan to ensure those credits on his school file get corrected, I know there is no stopping him from dropping on his birthday.</p><p></p><p>Yes he has other options IF he wanted them. That's the area that makes the difference. The part that he has to WANT them. He can study and go to Toronto a few hours away after he's out of school for a year, and write a GED. He can also be out of school a year and write a mature student test at any college to gain acceptance to a program. I myself have written that test and I know he can pass it easily. So he isn't slamming doors for further education by quitting. This fuels him more in thinking its okay to drop out. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> The thing is, he's so turned off school now. Nothing is convincing him college is a different ball of wax. He just thinks he is going to start his life NOW. I asked him if he felt he had any TOOLS in his arsenal to assist him in starting a life that would mean independence for him. Thankfully he at least admitted that no he does not. And trust me here, he doesn't. </p><p></p><p>He has agreed to get a job. I have told him he is to attend school every day and do his work as normal until the day I can't legally stop him. i told him he could change his mind by the end of march and messing up his chance to get these credits is foolish. I told him he MUST have a full time job by the day he quits. If his birthday comes and no job, he is NOT to be quitting school otherwise he can NOT remain living here. I've told him if he quits and has a job and a goal to save for college or an apartment and is sticking to a savings plan and a goal such as that, he could live here. it would require a regular payment to me for "rent/keep", a regular payment to a savings account he may NOT touch, and a set goal we are both aware of (college, an apartment, etc). I have told him if he quits with no job, or if he quits or loses a job, he has 3 months and thats it. 3 months and i will NOT be chasing him each day to go seek a job. I told him at the 3 months mark, he gets 2 weeks to set up social assistance and find a place/room to rent, and he will have to move. That I can support him financially and emotionally etc here at home IF he's doing something in the right direction but that I will NOT support him throwing school away to sit around this house. that he claims he's just needing to get started in life, well he then needs to accept ALL that it entails to make that jump. </p><p></p><p>I did tell him he gets ONE shot at moving back home once he moves out. That it would mean enrolling in college and having at minimum a part time job as well. It would require him attending college classes and not failing or dropping out. His grades would make no difference so long as he is passing. But if he can't do that, that coming home to rot in his bedroom is not something I will get behind.</p><p></p><p>Of course he was all understanding about it all but that is because I didn't scream and yell and throw a fit about him quitting. i mean, frankly it would have done NO good anyhow even if I was the type to fly off the handle. I did remind him however that my tears are from a place of pain and loss but not to mistake them for supporting him since I'm not ranting like a lunatic. That I don't agree with his choice and wish he'd re-think it. I did tell him how much I love him and believe in him and would be here for him if he is setting a clear path he is determined to go down with gusto. But that the same why I tough love'd him out of the door at 12 (which worked!!!!), I will tough love him out of the nest at that 3 months mark as well and with no shame in doing so because it would be what he needs (a reality check about the real world!). </p><p></p><p>I had him recap in his own words where I was at with this all, what the criteria for living here is and what the consequences and time line are if he thinks this is a free ride to loaf in his bedroom on his computer or sleep his days away. I then told him we are both clear on where this is going. And that if there is something practical I can do to help him (interview advice, resume help, pep talks) that I will so long as he is making steps towards his plan. I also told him that in a adult world, moms don't wake you up and nag you to get out of bed for work. That mom's dont nag you to get along with your boss or go to a job you hate or be respectful and suck it up when you hate your job. Not when you are a ADULT. So I told him if he feels ready on his birthday, what can I do really? But meanwhile I don't agree with it and can't pretend I think his choice is a very mature or adult decision. </p><p></p><p>The sad thing, he looks like he took a hundred pound monkey off his back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 400927, member: 4264"] Thank you all ! I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. I needed a good cry and then a nap. I feel just as cruddy. But at least I'm not crying. :( To answer a few questions, he is a year behind so would have graduated next year. (This delay was because if any of you recall, I took him out to homeschool in grade 9 but then a truancy officer showed up and had him charged and a year probation, without giving us an option to show our homeschooling! Highly illegal might I add but Matt ended up refusing to let me fight for him and accepted things, including court order to return to full time classes). He is in the alternative school side of the regular local public high school. He struggled that first semester back and blew 2 credits, and in the past 2 years blew 2 more. He COULD have attended summer school this year as well as done a correspondence course through summer, then did a additional extra credit next year and he was on track to graduate next year. A year late but I had him mentally prepared to stick it out in spite of his anger about it all. He has been ill with a bad flu and only returned back today from Christmas holidays. Because he's in the alt school, he is able to work at his own pace. Being late to return has not harmed him, he actually is weeks ahead of schedule with current credits. Well somehow, the stupid school has him marked for completing a credit he has never done, and has docked him 3 credits that they say he never got that he did. They are flat out refusing to fix it for him saying there is no error. This would mean after next year he'd need to return for yet another semester. It set him off, and let me just say its been a struggle since September to keep him focused on doing that one extra year to begin with. We've had many talks about it. Frankly this was a reason for him to cling to in order to drop out and say to heck with it all. I offered to fight for him at the school. He refused. To his credit, this school has messed up from day one. The principal has been actively attempting to get rid of ALL students in the alt program once they turn 18. It's been a battle for a while. Heck the principal due to Matt's appearance, thought he was over 18 when this year started and called him into the office for NOT reason to get him to sign papers to withdraw! Honest to goodness! WHen he was hating things but he was attending and doing the work and getting pretty darn good grades too. I shut that down right quick let me say. But no attempts are going to work today to convince Matt to continue on. He's just done and even though I do plan to ensure those credits on his school file get corrected, I know there is no stopping him from dropping on his birthday. Yes he has other options IF he wanted them. That's the area that makes the difference. The part that he has to WANT them. He can study and go to Toronto a few hours away after he's out of school for a year, and write a GED. He can also be out of school a year and write a mature student test at any college to gain acceptance to a program. I myself have written that test and I know he can pass it easily. So he isn't slamming doors for further education by quitting. This fuels him more in thinking its okay to drop out. :( The thing is, he's so turned off school now. Nothing is convincing him college is a different ball of wax. He just thinks he is going to start his life NOW. I asked him if he felt he had any TOOLS in his arsenal to assist him in starting a life that would mean independence for him. Thankfully he at least admitted that no he does not. And trust me here, he doesn't. He has agreed to get a job. I have told him he is to attend school every day and do his work as normal until the day I can't legally stop him. i told him he could change his mind by the end of march and messing up his chance to get these credits is foolish. I told him he MUST have a full time job by the day he quits. If his birthday comes and no job, he is NOT to be quitting school otherwise he can NOT remain living here. I've told him if he quits and has a job and a goal to save for college or an apartment and is sticking to a savings plan and a goal such as that, he could live here. it would require a regular payment to me for "rent/keep", a regular payment to a savings account he may NOT touch, and a set goal we are both aware of (college, an apartment, etc). I have told him if he quits with no job, or if he quits or loses a job, he has 3 months and thats it. 3 months and i will NOT be chasing him each day to go seek a job. I told him at the 3 months mark, he gets 2 weeks to set up social assistance and find a place/room to rent, and he will have to move. That I can support him financially and emotionally etc here at home IF he's doing something in the right direction but that I will NOT support him throwing school away to sit around this house. that he claims he's just needing to get started in life, well he then needs to accept ALL that it entails to make that jump. I did tell him he gets ONE shot at moving back home once he moves out. That it would mean enrolling in college and having at minimum a part time job as well. It would require him attending college classes and not failing or dropping out. His grades would make no difference so long as he is passing. But if he can't do that, that coming home to rot in his bedroom is not something I will get behind. Of course he was all understanding about it all but that is because I didn't scream and yell and throw a fit about him quitting. i mean, frankly it would have done NO good anyhow even if I was the type to fly off the handle. I did remind him however that my tears are from a place of pain and loss but not to mistake them for supporting him since I'm not ranting like a lunatic. That I don't agree with his choice and wish he'd re-think it. I did tell him how much I love him and believe in him and would be here for him if he is setting a clear path he is determined to go down with gusto. But that the same why I tough love'd him out of the door at 12 (which worked!!!!), I will tough love him out of the nest at that 3 months mark as well and with no shame in doing so because it would be what he needs (a reality check about the real world!). I had him recap in his own words where I was at with this all, what the criteria for living here is and what the consequences and time line are if he thinks this is a free ride to loaf in his bedroom on his computer or sleep his days away. I then told him we are both clear on where this is going. And that if there is something practical I can do to help him (interview advice, resume help, pep talks) that I will so long as he is making steps towards his plan. I also told him that in a adult world, moms don't wake you up and nag you to get out of bed for work. That mom's dont nag you to get along with your boss or go to a job you hate or be respectful and suck it up when you hate your job. Not when you are a ADULT. So I told him if he feels ready on his birthday, what can I do really? But meanwhile I don't agree with it and can't pretend I think his choice is a very mature or adult decision. The sad thing, he looks like he took a hundred pound monkey off his back. [/QUOTE]
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