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Matt's issues are getting so intense
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 477190" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Steely</p><p></p><p>This is hard to watch. I know it is, because I've watched it. This is the way Nichole was when she finally "got it" about her dxes. It hit her like a ton of bricks at first. I guess when you stop and think about it, it would for anyone. She spent so long denying there was anything wrong with her, that when it finally sunk in that there was........well, the kid took it hard, really hard. </p><p></p><p>I just kept talking to her. I'd find good articles and sites both online and offline for both bipolar and borderline and give them to her. While she was still at home and seeing her psychiatrist, I went with her because she wanted me to.</p><p></p><p>We still talk about it quite a bit. She needs the reassurance that just because she has these dxes it doesn't mean she can't live a full and productive rewarding life. It may be harder for her in some ways than the average person, but she can if she wants it bad enough, if she's willing to do what it takes.</p><p></p><p>As an adult she has talked about returning to the psychiatrist, but hasn't yet. Some of that has to do with her husband, actually, probably quite a bit has to do with her husband. And I know she'd like the psychiatrist she had before. And your post just made me think to have her look her up in private practice as I know she's in the dayton area. (didn't think of that before and she stopped coming to county mental health down here) Nichole has anxiety over new docs, and due to the fact she looks about 12 yrs old, they don't take her seriously until they get to know her well. </p><p></p><p>I wonder, since it IS an anxiety clinic, if perhaps there is some way they could help provide transport for Matt given his issues. Since anxiety is one of his biggest issues, if he wants to see improvement, that's going to be the thing to tackle first. </p><p></p><p>Tackling the anxiety is in no way shape or form going to be easy for Matt, especially if he isn't open to medications that can help for whatever reason. As he pushes himself out of his comfort zone, he'll discover it will back off and eventually go away, but speaking from experience........at first it's going to be really really hard. I'm going to be honest, after the accident I'd never have sought help if I just didn't<strong> have</strong> to function. Same right now. </p><p></p><p>I wonder. Could you go for a visit, then ride with him along the bus route to and from the anxiety clinic a few times so he becomes somewhat familiar with it and what he has to do? Maybe go with him (on the bus) to his first couple of appts? I dunno if that is doable or not with your work schedule. And no I don't see it as enabling because when you do this, you have him do it all, you're just there for moral support. I do this with one of my kids right now for various things. Once whatever I'm doing is more familiar, I won't need that moral support anymore and I gain a teeny bit more confidence and self reliance. </p><p></p><p>Now if you were able to do that with him and say he falls to pieces when it's time for him to do it himself..........then you calmly assure him that he can do it because you've watched him do it and when the fear gets overwhelming (and it probably will the first few times he does it alone) to tell himself he knows what to do he's done it before.</p><p></p><p>Then.......you have to be strong and make him do it.</p><p></p><p>But like I said, I dunno how doable that is. But the kid needs this clinic's help, and if he's too anxiety ridden to even get there, he's not going to get any help. </p><p></p><p>Now if helping him learn the bus route or riding along for an appointment or two isn't doable..........or after that he just won't..........</p><p></p><p>It's gonna sound cruel, but you gonna just have to not help him. Because the need to do it for himself has got to be there, or he'll <strong>never</strong> come out of his comfort zone. I know, because I wouldn't. </p><p></p><p>And I know he's had bad experiences with hospitals and docs in the past, but if he's suicidal ...he needs hospitalized even if it's just to watch him.</p><p></p><p>Sadly because he's an adult you can't make him do anything, nor can you be responsible for anything he does or doesn't do. You can't force him to take the help he needs. </p><p></p><p>I think, based on myself and what I went through with Nichole, he's reached that point that he can no longer deny he desperately needs help. That is a good thing. Keep encouraging it and supporting him, and listening if it's not too much on you.........if it is then direct him to a therapist, while reminding him that you love him but you have your own issues you're dealing with.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 477190, member: 84"] Steely This is hard to watch. I know it is, because I've watched it. This is the way Nichole was when she finally "got it" about her dxes. It hit her like a ton of bricks at first. I guess when you stop and think about it, it would for anyone. She spent so long denying there was anything wrong with her, that when it finally sunk in that there was........well, the kid took it hard, really hard. I just kept talking to her. I'd find good articles and sites both online and offline for both bipolar and borderline and give them to her. While she was still at home and seeing her psychiatrist, I went with her because she wanted me to. We still talk about it quite a bit. She needs the reassurance that just because she has these dxes it doesn't mean she can't live a full and productive rewarding life. It may be harder for her in some ways than the average person, but she can if she wants it bad enough, if she's willing to do what it takes. As an adult she has talked about returning to the psychiatrist, but hasn't yet. Some of that has to do with her husband, actually, probably quite a bit has to do with her husband. And I know she'd like the psychiatrist she had before. And your post just made me think to have her look her up in private practice as I know she's in the dayton area. (didn't think of that before and she stopped coming to county mental health down here) Nichole has anxiety over new docs, and due to the fact she looks about 12 yrs old, they don't take her seriously until they get to know her well. I wonder, since it IS an anxiety clinic, if perhaps there is some way they could help provide transport for Matt given his issues. Since anxiety is one of his biggest issues, if he wants to see improvement, that's going to be the thing to tackle first. Tackling the anxiety is in no way shape or form going to be easy for Matt, especially if he isn't open to medications that can help for whatever reason. As he pushes himself out of his comfort zone, he'll discover it will back off and eventually go away, but speaking from experience........at first it's going to be really really hard. I'm going to be honest, after the accident I'd never have sought help if I just didn't[B] have[/B] to function. Same right now. I wonder. Could you go for a visit, then ride with him along the bus route to and from the anxiety clinic a few times so he becomes somewhat familiar with it and what he has to do? Maybe go with him (on the bus) to his first couple of appts? I dunno if that is doable or not with your work schedule. And no I don't see it as enabling because when you do this, you have him do it all, you're just there for moral support. I do this with one of my kids right now for various things. Once whatever I'm doing is more familiar, I won't need that moral support anymore and I gain a teeny bit more confidence and self reliance. Now if you were able to do that with him and say he falls to pieces when it's time for him to do it himself..........then you calmly assure him that he can do it because you've watched him do it and when the fear gets overwhelming (and it probably will the first few times he does it alone) to tell himself he knows what to do he's done it before. Then.......you have to be strong and make him do it. But like I said, I dunno how doable that is. But the kid needs this clinic's help, and if he's too anxiety ridden to even get there, he's not going to get any help. Now if helping him learn the bus route or riding along for an appointment or two isn't doable..........or after that he just won't.......... It's gonna sound cruel, but you gonna just have to not help him. Because the need to do it for himself has got to be there, or he'll [B]never[/B] come out of his comfort zone. I know, because I wouldn't. And I know he's had bad experiences with hospitals and docs in the past, but if he's suicidal ...he needs hospitalized even if it's just to watch him. Sadly because he's an adult you can't make him do anything, nor can you be responsible for anything he does or doesn't do. You can't force him to take the help he needs. I think, based on myself and what I went through with Nichole, he's reached that point that he can no longer deny he desperately needs help. That is a good thing. Keep encouraging it and supporting him, and listening if it's not too much on you.........if it is then direct him to a therapist, while reminding him that you love him but you have your own issues you're dealing with. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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