I went to the Dr yesterday and he agreed to give me enough Ambien to get me through to see the "clinic" here in town. I didn't know we had a mental health clinic, but apparently we do, and it is the only way to see a psychiatrist here in 'Z' Arizona who will be able to prescribe Ambien. It takes months to get in, but the family Dr gave me enough to see them. He also gave me the right amount of Xanax to wean myself off of it, and talked to me about how to do it. So I feel confident that if I have the Ambien to sleep, I will not need the Xanax, and I will be able to normally d/c it. He confirmed that even .25 of Xanax a day, will produce a physical addiction and there will be a withdrawal like the one I experienced if it is stopped. So just a warning to us all, Even the smallest amount of Xanax, taken daily, will cause your body to be physically addicted. He said it ranks up there with meth and cigarettes in terms of your body becoming physically dependent. Yikes! He also said that Ambien is addictive, and it is now classified as a narcotic. I am not sure what to do, as I do not want to ever be addicted to anything - but when I can't sleep for literally days on end - something has got to give. Not sure, but I will talk to the psychiatrist about it. Other than that things are going sometimes OK, sometimes horrible. I posted on PE about Matt, who continues to spiral downwards. So freaking sad, I can only post once about it. My boss, who has quickly become my very best friend, has resigned and is moving to Vegas. I am going to miss her so much. I truly have not had a girl friend that I am this close to in forever. She and I have such a good time together, it has been awesome. With her leaving, I will apply for her job, which would be an amazing career advancement for me. But I would rather have her stay in 'Z' Arizona. On the flip side, I am trying super hard to love my new town, and make friends. I bought a brand new car, cash, which is a first ever for me. It is a Jeep Sahara - and it is perfect for the desert here. I have the pleasure of having 2 guys that are "kind of" into me. (One is 29 - hehe.) They are nothing serious, but more flirty friends who love to go hiking with me, skiing, etc. It brings healing to my battered heart when one of them shows they truly do care about me as a person. I have not had that in a man, ever. So it seems perfect for these 2 guys to be able to slowly heal that fissure, through just being casual friends, nothing more. Well, that is all I know for now. I am pressing on, and trying so hard to detach from Matt, and live my own life. I think it will ultimately pay off.