meeting today for difficult child again...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I think the past two weeks I had a meeting. Today is the IEP. difficult child will be present this time. As will husband. I hope.

    difficult child was so excited after school yesterday. He joined the Robotics club. It will be 6 weeks, 5 - 9pm week days and 8 hours on Saturday and Sunday. They show their exhibit in February in Milwaukee. If they win they go to nationals in Atlanta.

    Each week when I have a meeting we end up in a huge fight. Last night I was going through his binder and saw assignments he never turned in. Plus blank ones. When I question him he blows up and screams at me. His gripe is he has all B's. MY gripe is he LIES to me. Finally after screaming back and forth husband stepped in and actually stood up for me. He told difficult child that although we are proud of his hard work and good grades, that does NOT give him the right to LIE. difficult child went to bed crying, husband disappeared, and I was shaking!

    difficult child went to school 45 minutes early today for help in Biotech. After it was all set I logged on to check my email. Biotech teacher said she will NOT help difficult child unless he has the chapter questions done. She attached it. It was one of the blank sheets in his binder. He blew up at me. Said THAT is why he is going in for help. If he knew how he wouldn't be going in. My response is that she is willing to come in early ONLY if he shows effort. She wants to see that he atleast TRIED. He refused. So I do not know how this morning went. I told him not to be angry if she doesn't help him because he refused to try to do it. (it is outrageously hard...I can't even READ the words...Honors)

    I then discussed with difficult child some things that are on his IEP. One that has been a success in prior years is the use of a "cool off" pass. When he was feeling upset or if a teacher saw he was getting upset he was to use the pass, re-group and return...BEFORE there was an outburst. He told me this morning that HE is not allowed to use it only the teachers can tell him to. Then they send him to a little room smaller than the bathroom. He said one time they left him in there for over an hour. That was not the intention of this. He was to use it also if he felt he was going to explode. And only 5 - 10 minutes to regroup. Seems to me that this is being used as a punishment rather than a preventative act.

    He also said he has to sit in the front of class while others get to move around. How do I address that?

    He only has two weeks left of the Learning STratagies class where he was suppose to get help for organization and note taking. She also helps him with his work. I am afraid what will happen in the quarters to come.

    I am also so afraid I will lose control again and blow up after this meeting. I am so afraid of a huge fight. Although I know that, I just don't seem to be able to keep myself together. And difficult child pushes my buttons and I lose it.

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It sounds like maybe you need your husband there to make sure you are not too stressed. The IEP meetings are too important to blow.

    Can you ask for an extention on the Learning Strategies?
    This is extremely important to our difficult child as his Executive Functioning skills are below par. Sounds like your sons may be too. That is not something to fight's something to work on.

    Placement in the classroom can be punitive or appear to be. Your boy is now a teen and as such he probably is far more sensitive to standing apart from the class.

    If you are not ready, you have the legal right to request a
    rescheduling of the meeting. I have never done it but I know it can be done and should be done with humility as the school wants to finish IEPs off asap. Good luck. DDD
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    First I'd see if they can add more time to the organization class. Show them the binder with the missing/incomplete assignments and prove that he's still deficient in these practices.

    Second: it does sound like the "timeout" pass is being used punatively. You would want to ask for a meeting with the teacher/paras to ensure that they know how to be using this technique. Does he have a Behaviour Plan in place? The pass usage should be written out on his BIP so that anyone picking up his file would know what to do.

    Third: So what if he has a meltdown. Listen kiddo, he can meltdown all that he wants, you just have to dig your heals in within your OWN self and decide that he's not going to engage you! Easier said than done, but still worth doing. If this is his first time participating with the IEP process, he's going to be a little nervous - make sure that he knows that you value his input. If he starts up after the meeting (and you can forewarn him), you won't allow him to participate in the future. Being invited to the meeting means that you recognize his growing maturity and potential to help think things out - he needs to show that he's worthy of this!

    MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forget that you do not have to sign the IEP right then and there - it's going to be a little more pressured than usual because difficult child will be there. Take it home, read it and then if you agree with it - sign away!

    Good luck! I'm rooting for you!