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Meeting with hospital social worker tomorrow
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 608199" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi IAD. I am not an expert on substance abuse, but I have a lot of experience with mental illness and lately with lots of opportunities for detachment. From all those standpoints, in my opinion, you are doing exactly the right thing. Letting him know you will not financially continue supporting him and that he needs to learn the skills to figure life out for himself. Good job.</p><p></p><p>And, I know it's hard to make those kind of strong boundaries too. MY first thought when I read that your son said the other addicts are "picking on him" was, "how old is he again?" It's hard to imagine a 26 year old man saying that. He sounds immature. He needs help to make some adult choices and also to learn how to take care of himself in a healthy way. Do they teach life skills where he presently is? How much longer is the program? Once he's out, where does he go then? Does he have support throughout the process, professional help to guide him? </p><p></p><p>To me this all sounds like it's the turning point, where you make strict boundaries and uphold them and force him to learn how to be self sufficient, or at least learn how to live on his own with any help he may need supplied by other resources other then you. Are there group homes where he can live? What are his options once he's out?</p><p></p><p>I have found with my own difficult child to make sure all the possible loopholes are closed, then she can't utilize any manipulations. So, all the things you don't like or don't want to do, or need to restrict, you need to say up front, now. Don't hold back, now is the time to make it absolutely clear what it is you want, what you are willing to help with and what you are not. Be honest with yourself about REALLY, what it is you want now.</p><p></p><p>I think you're doing a really good job. It's great that you have a therapist to guide you too. Yeah, he needs more help now, not less.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 608199, member: 13542"] Hi IAD. I am not an expert on substance abuse, but I have a lot of experience with mental illness and lately with lots of opportunities for detachment. From all those standpoints, in my opinion, you are doing exactly the right thing. Letting him know you will not financially continue supporting him and that he needs to learn the skills to figure life out for himself. Good job. And, I know it's hard to make those kind of strong boundaries too. MY first thought when I read that your son said the other addicts are "picking on him" was, "how old is he again?" It's hard to imagine a 26 year old man saying that. He sounds immature. He needs help to make some adult choices and also to learn how to take care of himself in a healthy way. Do they teach life skills where he presently is? How much longer is the program? Once he's out, where does he go then? Does he have support throughout the process, professional help to guide him? To me this all sounds like it's the turning point, where you make strict boundaries and uphold them and force him to learn how to be self sufficient, or at least learn how to live on his own with any help he may need supplied by other resources other then you. Are there group homes where he can live? What are his options once he's out? I have found with my own difficult child to make sure all the possible loopholes are closed, then she can't utilize any manipulations. So, all the things you don't like or don't want to do, or need to restrict, you need to say up front, now. Don't hold back, now is the time to make it absolutely clear what it is you want, what you are willing to help with and what you are not. Be honest with yourself about REALLY, what it is you want now. I think you're doing a really good job. It's great that you have a therapist to guide you too. Yeah, he needs more help now, not less. [/QUOTE]
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