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Meeting with son and wife
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 448031" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>MWM, I think you're very wise to just leave it the way it is and don't look back. He obviously has a lot of problems and issues that you will not be able to overcome, no matter what you do. Coming from a different culture, then surviving in an orphanage for all that time, not knowing what was going to happen to him, and never being a member of a real family until he came to you, I guess it could happen. It almost seems like he only agreed to this meeting as an opportunity to hurt you! Please don't beat yourself up about any "mistakes" you might have made. You know, we ALL make mistakes as parents - some of them really big ones, we ALL have things that we would do differently if we got do-overs. All parents make mistakes. Kids don't come with instruction manuals. But most parent/child relationships manage to remain loving and caring in spite of them. I really think you were dealing with something insurmountable here. I'm sure you were wonderful parents to him. You took him in to your home and made him your own child, you loved him and cared for him and provided for him and <u>you</u> gave him all those opportunities that he used to become the successful man that he is today. And he is not ONE BIT grateful for anything you have done for him and that is NOT your fault!</p><p></p><p>I don't know what kind of 'church' this might be but that's not what I consider to be religious! Most churches teach that we should be loving and forgiving and humble and compassionate and to "Honor thy father and mother ...". I don't think he does any of those things! And as far as being a good husband and father, like someone else said, as controlling and rigid as he is, that will be only as long as they do exactly what he says and live exactly as he dictates, and if they don't - look out! I actually feel very sorry for his children because they're going to have it rough. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry this was so hurtful for you but at least now you have your answers and you have that closure you needed. Sending many, many hugs. It's not your fault, hon. It never was.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 448031, member: 1883"] MWM, I think you're very wise to just leave it the way it is and don't look back. He obviously has a lot of problems and issues that you will not be able to overcome, no matter what you do. Coming from a different culture, then surviving in an orphanage for all that time, not knowing what was going to happen to him, and never being a member of a real family until he came to you, I guess it could happen. It almost seems like he only agreed to this meeting as an opportunity to hurt you! Please don't beat yourself up about any "mistakes" you might have made. You know, we ALL make mistakes as parents - some of them really big ones, we ALL have things that we would do differently if we got do-overs. All parents make mistakes. Kids don't come with instruction manuals. But most parent/child relationships manage to remain loving and caring in spite of them. I really think you were dealing with something insurmountable here. I'm sure you were wonderful parents to him. You took him in to your home and made him your own child, you loved him and cared for him and provided for him and [U]you[/U] gave him all those opportunities that he used to become the successful man that he is today. And he is not ONE BIT grateful for anything you have done for him and that is NOT your fault! I don't know what kind of 'church' this might be but that's not what I consider to be religious! Most churches teach that we should be loving and forgiving and humble and compassionate and to "Honor thy father and mother ...". I don't think he does any of those things! And as far as being a good husband and father, like someone else said, as controlling and rigid as he is, that will be only as long as they do exactly what he says and live exactly as he dictates, and if they don't - look out! I actually feel very sorry for his children because they're going to have it rough. I'm sorry this was so hurtful for you but at least now you have your answers and you have that closure you needed. Sending many, many hugs. It's not your fault, hon. It never was. [/QUOTE]
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