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Meeting with son and wife
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 448035" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I'm relieved you finally found closure with S. The whole estrangement has been painful, to say the least. You needed to do this to put it in it's proper perspective.</p><p></p><p>But the whole we didn't get him young enough thing? Nope. I don't buy it. I've seen far too many many kids bond with adults at far older ages than he was when you took him into your home. You think of S as being a easy child. I see S as being a full blown difficult child, he has just learned to keep it behind a mask, and in all honesty that makes it far more dangerous. In this post alone, I see a strong need to control everything about his environment, even his own version of reality. He may appear to be loving and affectionate and ect but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors with him as an adult. I have a strong feeling it may be a very different picture. He has some characteristics / behaviors that remind me of my mother, and that's not so good. I actually feel for his wife and child, as well as any more he has. Their lives will not be easy being dictating totally by S, and I imagine living up to his standards they may find nearly impossible. </p><p></p><p>Most likely due to his life prior to when you adopted him and genetics, he has no capacity to love or feel genuine feelings for another person. He doesn't even understand the concept. So instead, he controls and manipulates. Even saw that in his prayer when he asked for "strength to forgive". phht Gimme a break. That was all for his wife and the mediator, had nothing to do with reality and both you and he knew it.</p><p></p><p>This is S's issue, not yours. I'm glad you can see that now and let it go. I'm sorry that this couldn't have ended the way you would've liked. </p><p></p><p>I strongly recommend you take svengandhi's advice and make sure a will is drawn up in such a way that he doesn't get a thing and can't fight it legally. mother in law did this with katie the moment she walked out on the family. Her will was air tight.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 448035, member: 84"] I'm relieved you finally found closure with S. The whole estrangement has been painful, to say the least. You needed to do this to put it in it's proper perspective. But the whole we didn't get him young enough thing? Nope. I don't buy it. I've seen far too many many kids bond with adults at far older ages than he was when you took him into your home. You think of S as being a easy child. I see S as being a full blown difficult child, he has just learned to keep it behind a mask, and in all honesty that makes it far more dangerous. In this post alone, I see a strong need to control everything about his environment, even his own version of reality. He may appear to be loving and affectionate and ect but you don't know what goes on behind closed doors with him as an adult. I have a strong feeling it may be a very different picture. He has some characteristics / behaviors that remind me of my mother, and that's not so good. I actually feel for his wife and child, as well as any more he has. Their lives will not be easy being dictating totally by S, and I imagine living up to his standards they may find nearly impossible. Most likely due to his life prior to when you adopted him and genetics, he has no capacity to love or feel genuine feelings for another person. He doesn't even understand the concept. So instead, he controls and manipulates. Even saw that in his prayer when he asked for "strength to forgive". phht Gimme a break. That was all for his wife and the mediator, had nothing to do with reality and both you and he knew it. This is S's issue, not yours. I'm glad you can see that now and let it go. I'm sorry that this couldn't have ended the way you would've liked. I strongly recommend you take svengandhi's advice and make sure a will is drawn up in such a way that he doesn't get a thing and can't fight it legally. mother in law did this with katie the moment she walked out on the family. Her will was air tight. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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