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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 149159" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi, Libranaster. I'm another Aussie and I have a very sociable, outgoing autistic son. It is possible and it's not necessarily as bad a diagnosis as you might fear. And yes, he is definitely autistic.</p><p>If you check my sig, you'll see he's not my only one. I describe myself as having four kids, two and a half on the spectrum.</p><p></p><p>Back to your son - at 3, it's a ghastly age anyway because they get so frustrated, they want their needs met NOW and they don't understand that the rest of the world doesn't revolve around them. If there's any chance there is autism there, then his frustration is probably even higher, plus his ability to understand from anyone else's point of view is even lower. A bad mix. That side of it does improve as they get older though, so it needn't always be like this.</p><p></p><p>One facet of the way they behave - their world is so confusing, so unpredictable, that they have a desperate need to make sense of it even as they are screaming in rage and frustration at every change they didn't expect. So what they do - they try to control it all. They want things just so, just how they want them, and any attempt to impose a change (or your way of thinking) meets with extreme opposition. And if you try to force him round to do what you want - he will win. If not now, then eventually. So when you find yourself heading for confrontation, back off. </p><p></p><p>It's good you are tuned in to him - that is going to be very useful for you. This WILL work, you will get a handle on things, but you need help.</p><p></p><p>Some initial suggestions - forget toilet training for now. Chances are he's going to be a bit delayed in that area anyway. You will probably train bladder before bowels (I know it's backwards, but that's how it is). A big part of the delayed toilet training is often connected to Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) because they often are just not as in tune with their body signals.</p><p></p><p>It's likely that your son will do better with a routine. However, trying to impose a routine can be really difficult. Watch him - does he already have some degree of routine on his own? If he has, can you work with his routine? For example, we found with difficult child 3 that he got into the habit of a certain order in his evening - dinner, then bath, then clean teeth, then bed. If I tried to get him to have his bath first we had a fight.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying that your son definitely has autism - there are a number of possibilities. All I'm saying, is to not rule it out. People think of autism as being socially withdrawn, bit it's not necessarily. The social side of autism is being socially inappropriate, or socially inept. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 as a toddler would not distinguish between strangers and members of the family. When out shopping she would often run off, and run up to any male stranger, especially if she saw one with a beard.</p><p></p><p>A book that can help you, regardless of what is wrong - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Ask your local library to get it in, then if you want your own copy you should be able to order it through a local bookshop. The discussion on this forum on adapting the book for younger kids is definitely worth reading. We now use the methods in that book, it made my life so much easier. You need to have yourself and your partner on the same page though. Get him to read it, and to read the posts here too if he has time. It's made a huge difference for me and husband, too. And if you're thinking, "I'm exhausted, the last thing I need right now is to have to learn a different way of handling him, on top of everything else, plus there will be programs, charts - I can't think about it, I'm just too wrecked," then don't sweat it. it's not like that at all. No charts. No tricky things to remember or practice. Once you get the concept into your head, it begins to fall into place.</p><p></p><p>Something else - he will be worse when he is tired and/or hungry. He is also likely to be fussy about food (taste/textures) and about what he wears (textures again). Where possible, let him have it his way for a while, as long as it doesn't inconvenience you too much. The more he feels he is in control, the less stressed he will feel and the easier to handle he will be (I hope). It won't be brilliant because he is only 3, but it's a start.</p><p></p><p>You need help. You need support. You need respite.</p><p></p><p>Here's what did the trick for us - </p><p>First, I had him in Family Day Care two days a week, because I physically needed a break. They actually were the ones who flagged him as having problems, although I already had his name down for Speech Pathology assessment (but the waiting lists are cruel). I also put his name down for the local pre-school.</p><p></p><p>But - very important - you need to get him assessed ASAP. If money is an issue (and it is, for so many of us) then use the nearest Community Health Centre. Call them up and talk to their intake person. Do you have a local clinic sister? Use them, if you can, to get a referral and maybe hurry up the system. Make sure you take your Blue Book with you.</p><p></p><p>Do you have a local GP? Does he bulk bill? Is there a doctor you have used for him (or you, or your daughter) more than once or twice? Choose someone, find someone, and make them your go-between and information coordinator. If the GP you decide on does a Health Care Plan for him (and maybe you? and your daughter?) this enables you to access services such as a psychologist, for a number of sessions, bulk-billed.</p><p></p><p>If there is language delay, you need speech pathology assessment. Again, a Health Care Plan can help with bulk billing. </p><p>If a speech pathology report describes language delay, then a psychologist's assessment can then be used on top of this to give a diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>Once you have a diagnosis, you have a few more doors open up. Support funding can be applied for at pre-school and school level. You can contact your state Dept of Ed and find out if there is any Early Intervention available and how you can get access. We have a new PM who wants to boost services there, so you can use your local Federal MP to give you some extra 'hurry-up' there if needed.</p><p></p><p>You would also be (probably) eligible for a Carer Payment or Carer Allowance from Centrelink. You need a specialist to support your application (there's a few pages on the form that a pediatrician has to fill in) but if you get it, it can help a lot. At the moment Carers are also getting an annual one-off payment of a few hundred dollars per child being cared for (not sure of the amount). Whether you're eligible for the Payment or the Allowance depends on your family income. But you could be a millionaire, and you will still get some financial support if you qualify.</p><p></p><p>If they knock you back, appeal. it is almost standard Centrelink policy to knock you back on the first application. But if you appeal and get it, it is backdated to when you first applied.</p><p></p><p>If you're concerned that your child is developmentally delayed (the old-fashioned, non-easy child term is 'retarded') you may be able to get your child(ren) assessed through a branch of DOCS. We got referred to them (I was really upset at the time, I felt I was being threatened with losing my kid) and found that all they wanted was to make sure he got properly assessed and didn't slip through the cracks. They did a hearing test for me (important to make sure that language delay is not just due to hearing problems) but because it was obvious at that stage that difficult child 3 was very bright (despite his lack of language) they couldn't take assessment any further.</p><p></p><p>So for you now - I think your first port of call needs to be either your GP or the clinic sister, followed closely by a phone call to your nearest Community Health Centre. After that, things should start happening. </p><p></p><p>And don't worry about being judged here - crikey, if we don't understand on this site, who will?</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board, I hope we can get you the help you need.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 149159, member: 1991"] Hi, Libranaster. I'm another Aussie and I have a very sociable, outgoing autistic son. It is possible and it's not necessarily as bad a diagnosis as you might fear. And yes, he is definitely autistic. If you check my sig, you'll see he's not my only one. I describe myself as having four kids, two and a half on the spectrum. Back to your son - at 3, it's a ghastly age anyway because they get so frustrated, they want their needs met NOW and they don't understand that the rest of the world doesn't revolve around them. If there's any chance there is autism there, then his frustration is probably even higher, plus his ability to understand from anyone else's point of view is even lower. A bad mix. That side of it does improve as they get older though, so it needn't always be like this. One facet of the way they behave - their world is so confusing, so unpredictable, that they have a desperate need to make sense of it even as they are screaming in rage and frustration at every change they didn't expect. So what they do - they try to control it all. They want things just so, just how they want them, and any attempt to impose a change (or your way of thinking) meets with extreme opposition. And if you try to force him round to do what you want - he will win. If not now, then eventually. So when you find yourself heading for confrontation, back off. It's good you are tuned in to him - that is going to be very useful for you. This WILL work, you will get a handle on things, but you need help. Some initial suggestions - forget toilet training for now. Chances are he's going to be a bit delayed in that area anyway. You will probably train bladder before bowels (I know it's backwards, but that's how it is). A big part of the delayed toilet training is often connected to Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory integration disorder) because they often are just not as in tune with their body signals. It's likely that your son will do better with a routine. However, trying to impose a routine can be really difficult. Watch him - does he already have some degree of routine on his own? If he has, can you work with his routine? For example, we found with difficult child 3 that he got into the habit of a certain order in his evening - dinner, then bath, then clean teeth, then bed. If I tried to get him to have his bath first we had a fight. I'm not saying that your son definitely has autism - there are a number of possibilities. All I'm saying, is to not rule it out. People think of autism as being socially withdrawn, bit it's not necessarily. The social side of autism is being socially inappropriate, or socially inept. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 as a toddler would not distinguish between strangers and members of the family. When out shopping she would often run off, and run up to any male stranger, especially if she saw one with a beard. A book that can help you, regardless of what is wrong - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Ask your local library to get it in, then if you want your own copy you should be able to order it through a local bookshop. The discussion on this forum on adapting the book for younger kids is definitely worth reading. We now use the methods in that book, it made my life so much easier. You need to have yourself and your partner on the same page though. Get him to read it, and to read the posts here too if he has time. It's made a huge difference for me and husband, too. And if you're thinking, "I'm exhausted, the last thing I need right now is to have to learn a different way of handling him, on top of everything else, plus there will be programs, charts - I can't think about it, I'm just too wrecked," then don't sweat it. it's not like that at all. No charts. No tricky things to remember or practice. Once you get the concept into your head, it begins to fall into place. Something else - he will be worse when he is tired and/or hungry. He is also likely to be fussy about food (taste/textures) and about what he wears (textures again). Where possible, let him have it his way for a while, as long as it doesn't inconvenience you too much. The more he feels he is in control, the less stressed he will feel and the easier to handle he will be (I hope). It won't be brilliant because he is only 3, but it's a start. You need help. You need support. You need respite. Here's what did the trick for us - First, I had him in Family Day Care two days a week, because I physically needed a break. They actually were the ones who flagged him as having problems, although I already had his name down for Speech Pathology assessment (but the waiting lists are cruel). I also put his name down for the local pre-school. But - very important - you need to get him assessed ASAP. If money is an issue (and it is, for so many of us) then use the nearest Community Health Centre. Call them up and talk to their intake person. Do you have a local clinic sister? Use them, if you can, to get a referral and maybe hurry up the system. Make sure you take your Blue Book with you. Do you have a local GP? Does he bulk bill? Is there a doctor you have used for him (or you, or your daughter) more than once or twice? Choose someone, find someone, and make them your go-between and information coordinator. If the GP you decide on does a Health Care Plan for him (and maybe you? and your daughter?) this enables you to access services such as a psychologist, for a number of sessions, bulk-billed. If there is language delay, you need speech pathology assessment. Again, a Health Care Plan can help with bulk billing. If a speech pathology report describes language delay, then a psychologist's assessment can then be used on top of this to give a diagnosis. Once you have a diagnosis, you have a few more doors open up. Support funding can be applied for at pre-school and school level. You can contact your state Dept of Ed and find out if there is any Early Intervention available and how you can get access. We have a new PM who wants to boost services there, so you can use your local Federal MP to give you some extra 'hurry-up' there if needed. You would also be (probably) eligible for a Carer Payment or Carer Allowance from Centrelink. You need a specialist to support your application (there's a few pages on the form that a pediatrician has to fill in) but if you get it, it can help a lot. At the moment Carers are also getting an annual one-off payment of a few hundred dollars per child being cared for (not sure of the amount). Whether you're eligible for the Payment or the Allowance depends on your family income. But you could be a millionaire, and you will still get some financial support if you qualify. If they knock you back, appeal. it is almost standard Centrelink policy to knock you back on the first application. But if you appeal and get it, it is backdated to when you first applied. If you're concerned that your child is developmentally delayed (the old-fashioned, non-easy child term is 'retarded') you may be able to get your child(ren) assessed through a branch of DOCS. We got referred to them (I was really upset at the time, I felt I was being threatened with losing my kid) and found that all they wanted was to make sure he got properly assessed and didn't slip through the cracks. They did a hearing test for me (important to make sure that language delay is not just due to hearing problems) but because it was obvious at that stage that difficult child 3 was very bright (despite his lack of language) they couldn't take assessment any further. So for you now - I think your first port of call needs to be either your GP or the clinic sister, followed closely by a phone call to your nearest Community Health Centre. After that, things should start happening. And don't worry about being judged here - crikey, if we don't understand on this site, who will? Welcome to the board, I hope we can get you the help you need. Marg [/QUOTE]
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