messy room solution

[TerryJ2]

I found this on the John Rosemond site. It's by a mom who wrote in to him with-her solution to messy kids' rooms. It's funny.

As with-anything, the point is to be consistent, and she clearly is.

(I edited it just to the point where she starts talking.)

____


“As I cheerfully went around cleaning up papers and trash,” she wrote, “putting books on the shelf and throwing out stuff I found laying around, I remembered how I had once nagged, begged, yelled, and generally harassed my kids to do things around the house. One day something clicked and I decided to stop fighting the same battle over and over and over again.

“I started a service in our home called Mom’s Helping Hands. I made business cards on our home computer that listed the services I offer—room cleaning, chore finishing, picking up, kindling removal (one of our daughters stuffs paper into every available nook and cranny), and reminders. My motto, also printed on the cards, is ‘So convenient you don’t even have to call!’ When I perform a service on behalf of one of the kids, I simply leave my card behind to indicate that I expect to be paid.

“Needless to say, the kids hate it, but not enough to never need my services. Of course, the price is often more than they were planning on paying (loss of one or more privileges, usually), to which I simply point out that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Our home stays neater and quieter, and instead of high blood pressure I now get a chuckle out of helping the kids with their responsibilities.”

 

[Kathy813]

Terry,

I love John Rosemond's no-nonsense approach to parenting. I saw this article in my weekend newspaper and was going to start a post about it. You beat me to it.

I also liked what he had to say about teenagers and whether they should also be expected to keep their rooms clean. Here it is:

Occasionally a child -- usually a teenager -- will claim that he should be allowed to keep "his" room in any state he chooses. I agree, as long as the child is willing to shoulder "his" room's share of the mortgage, insurance, and utilities. A child is not a boarder; he is a member of a family, and that membership (as do all memberships) carries with it certain obligations.

It is irrelevant, by the way, that said child did not ask to be a member. He is a member, period, and because he benefits enormously from that arrangement, he is obligated to apply himself to certain standards, period. Under the circumstances, keeping one's room neat and clean is a small price to pay (not that it should be the only price). Besides, it is good discipline and can be justified on that basis alone.

When our kids were growing up, and after much nagging, Willie and I simply told them that if they did not clean their rooms, we would. Whenever we did so, however, we would feel free to go through drawers and closets and toss anything we felt the kids didn't need. It took one, maybe two, room purgings by Mom and Dad to persuade the kids that it was in their best interests to do the job themselves. Both of them are now married with children and the word "fastidious" comes to mind.

Here's what he had to say about younger children:

My general answer is to first establish specific, concrete standards of neatness and cleanliness (e.g., clothes put away, floor picked up, bed made) along with the understanding that "inspection" will be held at a certain time every day (e.g., after the child has left for school). If the room does not pass inspection, consequences are forthcoming.

For example, I recently recommended to a mom that if her 10-year-old son's room did not pass inspection after he had left for school, he incurred an early bedtime; and if the room failed inspection more than once during the school week, his weekend privileges were restricted. Three weeks later, Mom reported that her constant nagging had stopped; her son had been persuaded of the benefits of a neat, clean environment.

~Kathy

 

[SnowAngel]

I might actually try this. We have 7 kids from 17yrs to 9yrs. Talk about lazy, sassy and messy. I hate cleaning day. I feel like I am a drill sgt.

 

[TerryJ2]

I will add, that you have to be very specific when telling a difficult child what "clean" means. difficult child has had numerous meltdowns because I simply pointed and told him to clean the whole thing. One day, the lightbulb went off, and I said, "Just pick up all the dirty socks. Then strip the bed."
Much better response.
Of course, picking up his baseball cards has always been an issue. He thinks it's normal to spread them all out like pieces to a puzzle. Problem is, they're on the floor!
My dad, who has Alzheimer's, does the same thing--spreads everything out where he can see it, because he knows he'll forget if he files it somewhere.

 

[SnowAngel]

My son is the same way with his custom lego parts...all over and I can't vaccum.

My grandma had Alzheimer's, Grandpa would hand her something and tell her put this on my dresser or where ever it needed to go. Well one day he found his lost wallet that never made it to his dresser, it was in their deep freezer...talk about cold cash.

 

[Indianamomof4]

What fantastic ideas. I love this!!!! My 10 year old ALWAYS complains that he should be able to keep his room however he wants to. It annoys me to no end.

I love the idea about being specific (maybe for my ADHD boy I can make a sign to put in his room to remind him what should be done that he can read to his 5 year old brother and roomate), about setting a specific time for it (like after they leave for school) and having a consequence for it being untidy (my kids HATE early bed times, so that is a great idea.

I really like this board!!!

 

[TerryJ2]

talk about cold cash ...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, grooooooooooooooooooooooaaaan! :smirk:


Welcome, Indianamom! Glad you like it here.