Experiencing a minor annoyance right now. Still, having a hard time shaking it. It'll pass, but..... difficult child won't answer a single attempt we've tried with him in almost 2 months. We backed off altogether. Last night we were at a ballgame with a group of friends and difficult child's birth sister (whom we like and remain friendly with -- she was our foster daughter for a while) texted me... "Have you heard from him? I haven't and I'm worried about him." Told her I'd write her back after the ballgame. I did. Told her how we've only seen him once since his last jail time (last May) and it didn't go well. Recent Background: difficult child is refusing court-ordered rehab, fines, etc. Several things have happened since then. Most notably 2 ER visits (which, since he's under our insurance, we have paid the bills). After a phone call, discovered that we are not ultimately financially liable for these bills -- he is, as he's over 18). If he made ANY attempt at responsibility, we wouldn't mind paying. But he does NOT attempt and we DO begin to mind. So we told him we were not paying, it's his responsibility, and he's not going to be on our insurance any more after January 1, 2015. Lastly, we received an urgent call from the local Public Health Dept looking for him, stating it was very important he call them back ASAP. I relayed the message to him. No clue if he ever called them back. I know the main reasons the Public Health Dept calls people. Whichever the case, probably not great news. And, of course, he won't confirm or deny. In fact, he won't reply to anything at all from us. As I'm new, just wanted to put my "spiel" out there for reference and context. So........back to the original "annoyance" commentary.... In, short, we've intermittently tried to contact him for 2 months with no response. She writes him and 10-min later gets a response. Yes, I know we're the "bad guys" (in difficult child's eyes) because we say, "NO" to a lot. We tell it like it is and call him on the "gaslighting" (love that term.......thanks for introducing me to it, MWM!). But he can "gaslight" with the best of them. He can convince almost anyone of almost anything.....until one actually checks out his story. But here's what annoys me....... So few ever CHECK OUT HIS STORY. Really? Admittedly, due to our experience with him, we are skeptical of pretty much everything he says -- about anything, until we check it out. Years of practice. But I find myself highly annoyed that others buy his story so quickly. I am also highly annoyed that he answers others and not us. I know, I know....... anyone can get "taken in" and they are VERY good at manipulations. Such charmers. Look at those sweet eyes. What about that smile? Did you hear how he complimented me? Poor boy, no one's ever given him a chance. He's just trying to do everything he can to make things right and no one will ever give him a chance. Sigh.... Sometimes I just want to hurl. Now, as I said, this is a minor thing comparatively (to all the other events I could share here -- which, obviously, so many of you have experienced same, so you know). But, still....... No matter how logical, sensible, etc, I am, every now and then the tiniest little thing can still find its way in. This is small and the best thing to do is to just disconnect from it. But (and I cannot state this gratefully enough)......I am so thankful to have a place to vent it! Maaaan, what a long post about such a small transaction. Geez...... What a major pile of manure we've all had to slog through over the years with "gaslighting". Yup....... I'm annoyed at "gaslighting" and I'm annoyed even more if I'm the only one who sees it. Okey doke. Thanks for the vent!