You've been through so much lately -- of course your emotions are going to be all over the map! Ending a marriage is like a death - you will mourn the loss of the relaionship and the loss of hope that the marriage will improve.And with it being your anniversary, that only adds to the sadness.
Yes, you are grieving for the relationship, good or bad it is a part of you....It has also caused a big change in your living arrangements, moving in with parents....a whole new defining of roles will come, since you are your parents "baby"....lots of change and upheaval......This will be a new experience and your kids will look to you for how you are handling this, so not trying to pile on any feelings, just trying to give you something to focus on so you can push bad feelings for husband out, you don't have time to worry about what you cannot control, move FORWARD, that's it, one foot in front of the other, and soon you will be finding new things to be happy about.....follow the light...you know, the one at the end of the tunnel.....
Just hang onto this trite but true thought from the 70s - "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
Do not cave now - walk away. Stay away. Find your own feet. If, in six months time, you feel that getting back together will be better and different, THEN do it. But not right now, you are not in a fit state to make such a decision. The only decision you need to make now, is putting the next foot in front of you. Go with the flow, but do not turn around and go back.
You need time. difficult child needs time (and a chance to learn the RIGHT way to behave, and to be treated). And your husband needs time, to work out whether he wants to change. Unless HE decides to change, you would be facing the same conditions if you return. PROMISES to change mean nothing, without the action needed to make the change happen and stay changed.
Air Supply are a good group, in fact they're performing again with the Countdown tour, I think. But there are other good groups - new ones. There is a song for every occasion and for every feeling. No song is ever bad for making us feel bad or sad.
When my first boyfriend dumped me for my best friend, the song that was playing at the time would wrench my heart out for years. Other songs and other blokes - I had happy songs too, but the memories would hurt. I had to avoid those songs.
And then I met husband, and suddenly all those songs became wonderful again, as they never had with any other guy.
Since then, we have added many more songs to our list of happy memories. Even sad memories' songs don't hurt when he and I can share them - but that's only because he is the right guy. Without him I would be happier single, than with a control freak.
Avoid the saddening songs for now, find some new ones. There's some good stuff out there! I'd start with just about anything by Pink, and work your way up. Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman" is an oldie but a goodie. Maybe we need to give you a repertoire of strengthening songs, to stiffen your spine and boost your confidence (and self-esteem).
Incidentally, Helen Reddy was married at the time that song was a huge hit. She has long since divorced him and now lives back in Australia, in Norfolk Island. Very happy.
Oh, I have been where you are...........and it is SO hard. Feelings sometime do not follow a linear or logical flow - so your head has to be the one to keep it all in check for now. Try not to think! Just go forward, like a horse pulling a carriage that has blinders on. Don't look to the left, at the boxes your mom is packing, and don't look to the right where the past lies - just go forward, forward, forward - and you will get through this.