Haven't posted in a while. daughter got a job and has been working on p/t to f/t and doing uni online. Has own car now, pays for gas and insurance herself. Last Friday, she was out with new friend from work. About 10pm I get text that she f......up, to not be mad, that she is too high, and would I please come pick her up, bring Dad to drive her car. This is the first I ever heard her say of getting high even though I suspected it for a while. We picked her up, verified with friend that it was only MJ, because she is on medication for depression and anxiety and we needed to know whether to take to hospital. Brought her home. She did not even seem that stoned to me. I did not say much at all and told her we would talk when she is sober . She did not want to talk next day. We sat her down and told her while living at home, she cannot come home drunk or high. She said she had only done it twice before. She was defiant and not cooperative at all accusing us of leading a "brutal confrontation" - all because she did not like what we had to say. We were concerned that she had gone to this co-worker's house without knowing him well into an area that she was (rightfully so) uncomfortable in , had gone to his sisters and her husband to get high (doesn't know them at all), and taken too much .I came from love and concern for her. She felt discriminated against based on gender and felt that I was more lenient with her brother about his MJ use .I did not want under any circumstances to send the message that I condone drug use of any kind . I told her that drug use of any kind to me shows a level of irresponsibility and immaturity that is unacceptable to me . Husband lost his cool a little , raising his voice at daughter, because of her defiant and nonsensical answers. She accused him of yelling, refused to speak to him , yet next morning was fine with him and cutting me for 48 hours. Her best friend with whom she (of course!) Got high one of those 3 times, seems to have a great relationship with her Mom. The Mom posts gushing birthday messages of adoration and admiration for her daughter and daughter always says they are the perfect family and much more her family than we are. Am I doing something wrong? I have been careful to not disconnect due to upsets and to just say my peace or or lay out my boundaries and then let it go . Yet I am treated with distance when I don't cosign what is going on. Maybe this is a sign that I am doing more right than I think.