Money has gone missing.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    It's always something and I"m sorry I know I complain alot but I'm really good at it.

    So, this morning before he left he announced how $700 is missing from the store money. I said since when?? He said I counted it monday night, put it in the bag for Tuesday work and got to work Tuesday and it was short $700!!!!!

    Can you imagine? So, he's claiming he never left bag at work unattended, the only possibility is my daughter whose 15 or his daughter who is 13. He almost looked at me like ok if you took it just tell me no big deal. Wow. I said are you kidding $700 no way. $20 maybe yet I"d tell you. So, now it's between the two girls.

    I never speak of his kids in my posts, their with me two nights a week and we deal with the crowded house and i treat them as if their my own, cook, give bath to little one, do snack and reading time. That's just me. Yet his older one has been known to steal things. She has stolen my daughter's clothes, she has stolen earrings of mine, a calculator of his. Then she claims well it wound up in the overnight bag somehow. WE have had to talk to her at least 2 times about taking things that do not belong to her.

    Unreal. it is literally always something truly and not minor stuff huge stuff. That's the money that makes the restaraunt function. My older one might be nasty, might have gotten an in house suspension yet to take 700 out of his work bag i know she'd never do. His daughter well you have to look at the track record.

    ok thanks for letting me vent. I'm totally thrown by this whole thing.
  2. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    Sorry you're having to deal with this. Do you and husband have a good relationship with his easy child's biomom? If she took they money, she's undoubtedly making some purchases. He'd be wise to contact ex and ask if easy child has had extra "spending money" lately. Of couse if it were my kid, she would have taken it, given it to biomom, and they both would have denied knowing a thing about it (in fact acted indignant that we'd even consider that teh lil angel might do such a thing!).

    Hope you get to the bottom of it soon!

  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Wow, Jennifer - that's big.

    Did you tell SO your suspicions or is he of the same mindset...or worse...does he refuse to believe it could have been his daughter? I know that no one ever wants to believe their child is capable of stealing from them...and heavens knows I can be counted among them. I hate the idea that she or anyone would be accused without any hard evidence but it should at least be discussed between everyone in the house.

    When something goes missing, H always looks at difficult child firsts. I guess you could call her a petty thief or used to be one anyway. Not so much anymore, as far as I know. A month or so ago, $1100 was missing from H's hiding spot and he immediately suspected difficult child. I was lying on the bed and just listening to his mind think out loud and I became furious, though I didn't say anything. Instead I said, "check your calculations" (which are listed on the outside of the envelope). He wouldn't listen to me. An hour later, he checked his calculations and sure enough, he did the math wrong. I am so grateful that difficult child wasn't home at the time - he would have accused her right then. difficult child steals change from my change jar, but she wouldn't steal something like that - heck, she doesn't even know he has money in the house!

    No advice, just understanding.
  4. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    If one of the girls took it, at that age it's usually found out due to new clothes or other artilces appearing that "a friend gave them". Hope the situation works out.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I think what is shocking me the most if the fact that he is always in denial over his children. Whether its regarding their need for therapy, or something like this. When his oldest stole I had to actually have it happen 3 times before he finally said ok she's lifting stuff.

    I dont know if his ex would ever do something like that to be honest. From what she's shown me this past over a year now she's manipulative controlling and basically a horror show. Yet 700 is a big deal. Ofcourse my daughter now wiht her school issues, and fact sh'es totally nasty etc. will be looked at as the more obviously option.

    I want to question both of them tonight. i think tha'Tourette's Syndrome the right thing to do. His daughter has even stolen my older ones perfumes and stuff gone into her room, etc. Now don't get me wrong I do care greatly about his kids, even his eldest yet it is what it is at times, ya know??
  6. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Well, it sounds like it most likely is his dtr if she has been caught stealing from others in the past. I'd suggest it was my difficult child or her boyfriend if they weren't out in Seattle:) I know how awful it is to have your own kid steal from you--it is an awful thing to have to face. Wow, that was a lot of money, too! I am so sorry....
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If his daughter has a theft track record, she simply MUST be talked to. Her mother also. let her biomom know that you and SO are talking to ALL the kids, she may be more open to telling you if the oldest has a bunch of new stuff.

    I am so sorry. I hoep he double checked the calculations and the safe, though I am sure he did. THis is so major, I am just so shocked and sorry.


  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wow...that is big. Hope you're able to get some answers.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi guys

    You know it's funny I tend to be dramatic. Yes, me lol. :) It's just who I am, I try to reign it in yet it doesn't always work. boyfriend isn't at all. He's just very laid back most of the time now, especially regarding major issues. So, here I am freaking out and he's like well ok we'll figure it out.

    Long story short I had him speak to his ex they were together anyway to take their son, R who has add/adhd to neuro guy. I had her check her house while his oldest A was at school drawers, closets, etc. I also checked my daughters' spots as well. I knew in my heart my daughter truly wouldn't do it. So, we checked both spots no money. 700 is alot to hide that isn't slip in my pocket sort of money. So, all the while he was like oh well. I said that's alot of money for store to take that hit. he said what are you going to do things happen??? ahhh!!!

    So, neither kid has the money stashed so i had to ask him again are you sure you didn't leave your bag unattended for any portion of time at the rest? He thinks he didn't, can almost swear by it. So, we may never get our answer.

    So, I'm buying a lock for our bedroom this weekend and kids will no longer be allowed in our room for any reason. it just has to be that way. We cant' have our own kids stealing from us, especially not now when every dollar counts.

    such is life. :)
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jennifer - kids have no business being in their parent's private space anyway. No excuses necessary, it just is what it is. Both my kids know not to go in our room. We did have a couple of months when we had a keyed lock on our door, but then I locked us out without a key and H changed the knob to a regular lock without a key. Funny, the other day difficult child asked if she could show her new boyfriend our bed - it's a tempurpedic. She said, "I know you don't like anyone in your room, but can I just show Mike your bed?" Um, that would be a "No". lol.

    Is there any chance that your SO used those funds or put them aside for something and forgot?
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I cannot believe!! I just laughed so loud "can I show Mike your bed?" LOL :) Oh, too funny!!!

    Thanks for sharing that.

    See we have a bit of a predicament when it comes to our room. Our place is small, we haven't been at this relationship thing long almost 2 years now. I moved into his existing place. We were supposed to be buying a house lol........i'm guessing me not working has something to do with fact it hasn't happened yet lol.....

    Anyway we have 5 kids monday and wednesday night's. so we unfortunately have to place his youngest in our room in our bed to start the night, we than transfer her down to the living room couch when we want to go to bed. It totally stinks I know. So, at the end of the day they don't view our room as "our room". I do feel badly for his kids, i don't like to see them sleeping on our couches yet where else do I put them?? Unless I set them up on porch lol.

    We have 3 bedrooms......oh if only a videotape was on us those two nights lol....we'd totally win one of those "funniest video" things...:) We have us on our bedroom, than my two girls in another bedroom than the last bedroom is for his son. He's 9 1/2 and realizing bigtime that girls exist so we like to keep little soon to be hormonal boy in his own room lol to avoid anymore issues :) so we have his oldest and as i said the youngest on the couches. It's crazy indeed, yet we make it work somehow.

    The first year was the hardest, now we are adjusting to our limited space somewhat. When it's just us it's fine, we even have the extra bedroom that difficult child plays in or older one goes to to escape difficult child. yet those two nights a week wow. I could literally use a plow to clean up the next day the kitchen floor alone lol.

    so, now that i've rambled as per usual i'll lock up bedroom until bedtime.

    crazy, i know but you do what you have to, right?? lol
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    We resorted to getting a small safe and only husband and I knew the combination......actually make that only I know the combo because husband always asks me what the combination is? It would be the only way I still have any of my nicer jewelry left...... difficult child when he lived with us had a tendency to pawn stuff.......

    I am a little amazed boyfriend would just bring money home and leave it in an envelope...... just too many things could happen with that....... even leaving it an a "supposedly" locked room..... either a safe or take it to the bank EVERY day...... even in a difficult child-free household the temptation is great, money is hard enough to hang onto..... hope you find some answers about the missing money........
  13. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    Last year, my stepson walked into my bedroom while I was sleeping and took $20 off my nightstand. I couldn't prove it, but I was pretty sure I was him. husband wouldn't have taken it, but there was a very small chance that it fell into my garbage can and had been taken out with the trash. husband told me that he knew how to catch him in the lie. The money was for my other stepson's birthday. I was going to deposit it into his account. We told the other one that it was too bad the money was missing, cuz his brother really needed the money and that $30 would have really been a nice thing for his brother to get. Well, after denying the theft for hours, the "accused" stepson, said.....(without missing a beat) wasn't $30 it was only $20!!! And then he still had the gall to deny that he took it!!! He was 20 at the time, and he's not the sharpest tool in the shed either! This is part of the reason that this stepson is now homeless!!!
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    L always wants to show everyone my bedroom. Even people who have seen it before. We do have a seating area in the room. It's mine! husband and I can sit in it! I know for a fact she wants my pain and anxiety medications. And anything else that she wants. She's just a little thief.

    When she lived with us, she stole my Este Lauder eyeliner pencil. I kept asking about it. She swore she didn't have it. Weeks later I asked (yet again) about it and she told me that I had probably dropped it and it was under the toe-kick of my vanity in my bathroom. I told her that I knew it wasn't because as I sit on my toilet, that's what I see, and it's not there. 'Lo and behold, the next day it showed up right up against the foot of the dresser far at the other side of the bedroom, with about half of the pencil worn down to a flat nub. I wear the pencil out on a bevel. It wasn't there before. How stupid does she think I am?

    We have a safe hidden in the wall in our bedroom. You would have to knock down the wall and saw out the studs to remove the safe. I don't think a prybar would open it, but if it did, it would be totally obvious. All of our private stuff is in there, and when L is coming over, so are my medications. If M starts visiting again, it will be the same when he comes over.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Why me mom - very good idea, funny you mentioned that. That is exactly what I told him yesterday when we spoke. :)

    Susie- It's horrible when you have to question them and you can't get them to anti up, ugh!! Hey, congratulations on your pregnancy!! :)

    Witz - We are def going to get a small safe for our closet. I can totally understand what you mean about the eyeliner. Little things like that drive me insane totally because I know where all my stuff is. That's what his older daughter was pulling for mos. it drove me totally insane. She'd take my flip flops (my favorite ones) during the summer and I'd see them on her feet when she'd visit us. ugh. She also stole my daughters perfume, how did my daughter knwo she was cleaning out her bag one day and poof there it was. My daughter was so cool about it she simply said oh i have one just like that and i can't find it. My earrings wound up in overnight bag, you name it. Finally last mos. it has ceased I was totally ready to lose it. I hated leaving her here alone for any portion of time and I hated that she violated my kids room too.

    I know my daughter didn't do it bottom line. If anything someone at work grabbed it out of his briefcase or his daughter took it. He even broke down last night and told me if anything it was her who took it, or work. He told me she has taken from him before, not alot but still she did it. So frustrating at times.
  16. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    My difficult child 1 stole one of difficult child/easy child's favorite tops and then must have forgotten because she wore it over to our house a couple of months later! difficult child/easy child was really upset--difficult child 1 denied taking it, said she bought it but we all knew better.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    So what does he DO about his daughter who steals from him and his business? Does he even confront her? That would make me crazy, to have him not even talk to his child about stealing from us or his business. It jsut would. It drove me nuts when Wiz would steal from us - just belongings, but still. Heck, other than the year he would "lift" (aka steal) office supplies from the teachers and sell them to other kids in jr high, and 2 episodes of shoplifting, he has never stolen from anyone but family. He learned REAL quick that MOM would DRIVE you to the police station if you stole. I even drove him over 75 miles to a store where he stole something, once a bookstore, once a DOLLAR store. You guessed it, he tried the "It's only a DOLLAR, don't make such a big deal out of it" line of garbage. We charged him for GAS money, round trip!

    I hope the theft of smaller things hasn't stopped so she can then go and steal large amounts of cash. I also hope the mom or mom's girlfriend didn't put her up to it. I have a friend who's ex put her kids up to stealing back the child support that mom was "robbing" him of. HE didn't buy them clothes, or put a roof over their head most nights, or even feed them most of the time - no school lunches AND they would have to charge lunch the days they were with Dad. AND he made over 6 figures a year while she was almost homeless! I sincerely hope that is not going on.


  18. Jena

    Jena New Member


    How are you doing and Jess and thank you? boyfriend did speak to her as well as myself. We spoke to her several times actually. She has not repeated the behaviors thus far :) here's hoping. In regards to the money, although as we know his ex is a nightmare I do not think she is capable of that. She knows if she takes money out of our pocket she won't get her 4k a mos.

    They checked her room at home and nothing was found. we spoke to her about it and she thoroughly denied it, seemed as though she was telling the truth. I told him he cannot leave his bag at work anywhere unattended and he really should stop trusting these young kids at work. They also have stolen before out of the register, he's had to fire people do to it.

    Such fun. I hope you guys have a great halloween. I can't wait to find some Mounds bars, those are my absolute favorite. :)