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Money owed to daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 726204" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I hope your conversation with your daughter wasn't too traumatic for you. She probably didn't agree to see things your way, but maybe I am wrong.</p><p></p><p>Whatever happened, don't beat yourself up over what you did. At no time have you EVER done anything to purposely try to harm your daughter. You never once woke up and thought to yourself, "What can I do today to mess my daughter's life up in the worst way possible?". You did the best you could with what you had and what you knew, and when you knew better, you did better. That is ALL you can ask of yourself and your husband.</p><p></p><p>I would definitely say that you need to NOT give to your daughter again. If she comes forward before she has herself on a stable life path and needs help, please don't give her money or a home or car. Nothing substantial. Nothing in her name. If you provide a home or car, make her pay rent and take the item away if she cannot pay or does not pay. </p><p></p><p>If she has health related bills she needs help with, make payments to the provider, NOT to your daughter. I say this because I have seen quite a few difficult children take advantage of parents using the "I'm sick" routine. </p><p></p><p>Please don't fall into the trap I cannot get my parents out of. They feel that if they do something for my brother, they must do something of equal value for me. This extends to our kids to some degree. I find it bizarre and rather sick. If they give one of us something, like an old car, they feel they have to find something to give the other one. My brother and I really don't feel that way. As long as our parents are able to live the way they want, and they are healthy, we are fine. </p><p></p><p>Do not let your daughter's irresponsible behavior keep you from giving your son whatever you want to give him. He has shown that he appreciates you and whatever you give him. He works hard and earns his way. If you want to give him something, go ahead and do it. Don't feel bad because you cannot give his sister something of similar value. If your daughter ever brings this up, let her know that you gave her gifts at one time, but she showed you that they held no value for her. This told you that she didn't want them. </p><p></p><p>You have to remember that your relationship with your son is actually very separate from your relationship with your daughter. It is a hard thing to realize, accept and remember, but it is true. It is also none of your daughter's business if you give your son a gift. </p><p></p><p>You may want to start to rethink your insurance and your will. Not to leave her out, but maybe to put some assets into a trust? Just a thought, but if you have the assets and ability, this may be something you want to do. It can be hard to even think about this topic, but you may need to. She might not ever be able to handle money. If and when something happens to you and your husband, you do have some options that could protect her from herself and/or from other people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 726204, member: 1233"] I hope your conversation with your daughter wasn't too traumatic for you. She probably didn't agree to see things your way, but maybe I am wrong. Whatever happened, don't beat yourself up over what you did. At no time have you EVER done anything to purposely try to harm your daughter. You never once woke up and thought to yourself, "What can I do today to mess my daughter's life up in the worst way possible?". You did the best you could with what you had and what you knew, and when you knew better, you did better. That is ALL you can ask of yourself and your husband. I would definitely say that you need to NOT give to your daughter again. If she comes forward before she has herself on a stable life path and needs help, please don't give her money or a home or car. Nothing substantial. Nothing in her name. If you provide a home or car, make her pay rent and take the item away if she cannot pay or does not pay. If she has health related bills she needs help with, make payments to the provider, NOT to your daughter. I say this because I have seen quite a few difficult children take advantage of parents using the "I'm sick" routine. Please don't fall into the trap I cannot get my parents out of. They feel that if they do something for my brother, they must do something of equal value for me. This extends to our kids to some degree. I find it bizarre and rather sick. If they give one of us something, like an old car, they feel they have to find something to give the other one. My brother and I really don't feel that way. As long as our parents are able to live the way they want, and they are healthy, we are fine. Do not let your daughter's irresponsible behavior keep you from giving your son whatever you want to give him. He has shown that he appreciates you and whatever you give him. He works hard and earns his way. If you want to give him something, go ahead and do it. Don't feel bad because you cannot give his sister something of similar value. If your daughter ever brings this up, let her know that you gave her gifts at one time, but she showed you that they held no value for her. This told you that she didn't want them. You have to remember that your relationship with your son is actually very separate from your relationship with your daughter. It is a hard thing to realize, accept and remember, but it is true. It is also none of your daughter's business if you give your son a gift. You may want to start to rethink your insurance and your will. Not to leave her out, but maybe to put some assets into a trust? Just a thought, but if you have the assets and ability, this may be something you want to do. It can be hard to even think about this topic, but you may need to. She might not ever be able to handle money. If and when something happens to you and your husband, you do have some options that could protect her from herself and/or from other people. [/QUOTE]
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