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Moody adult daughter?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 743372" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>But Copa why should any human being take 100 percent of the responsibility and risk?</p><p></p><p>That is so uncomfortable and unpleasant is anything worth it?</p><p></p><p>Is it worth it to be in the presence of anyone who dislikes you and treats you as if you are nothing? Or "bad?"</p><p></p><p>As one who has done it, although not with a child, for me I am sorry I wasted my time. It didnt change anything.</p><p></p><p>With unreasonable people who dont want to correct a situation but want to punish you, asking in the nicest voice what is wrong can be an opening for a real hatefest against you with no opening for you to explain your point of view. Often their "truths" never happened or are skewed. It could be a difference in perception of reality or gaslighting. Angry people are deadly. Thats why I am no longer playing the game with anyone who plays mind games at all.</p><p></p><p>My mother did nothing to try to be kind to me from the time I was born. She told me that when they placed me in her arms in the hospital, she felt "nothing, absolutely nothing." Her final kiss off was disinheriting me. Along the way family also ostracized me. They kept me from knowing about illnesses and deaths in my family. To get a true medical history for my doctor, I had to be nice to my mean-to-me sister and now I finally have medical history. But I dont have sister. I dont want her anymore and am sorry I tried.</p><p></p><p>The truth is we can not always comfortably connect with family and trying hard doesnt always work. Copa your sister and mother are an example. Oh what a price your poor mother paid to keep your sister and her kids in her life! In the end your sister still mistreated her.</p><p></p><p>Angry bitter people bargain only for their own favors. With some there is no way to talk it out and move on. It sounds nice. Psychology loves it.</p><p></p><p>It doesnt always work. I assume this mother already asked her daughter to talk to her about it. Mothers do that. But they cant force a sense of working it out with the adult child. It has to be 50/50 or it doesnt work. 100/0 is pointless.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Smithsmom that adult kids need to move on. Sometimes the best way to fo so is without the family you were born into. It is in my opinion kinder to move on without them than to keep playing mean games with the person you are angry at.</p><p></p><p>Likely this daughter will play keep away from Grandma anyways. Or impose strict ridiculous demeaning rules on how she has to behave if she ever wants to see the grandchild. </p><p></p><p>Life is not perfect. There are no perfect answers and often no good solutions. We all decide what we will put up with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 743372, member: 1550"] But Copa why should any human being take 100 percent of the responsibility and risk? That is so uncomfortable and unpleasant is anything worth it? Is it worth it to be in the presence of anyone who dislikes you and treats you as if you are nothing? Or "bad?" As one who has done it, although not with a child, for me I am sorry I wasted my time. It didnt change anything. With unreasonable people who dont want to correct a situation but want to punish you, asking in the nicest voice what is wrong can be an opening for a real hatefest against you with no opening for you to explain your point of view. Often their "truths" never happened or are skewed. It could be a difference in perception of reality or gaslighting. Angry people are deadly. Thats why I am no longer playing the game with anyone who plays mind games at all. My mother did nothing to try to be kind to me from the time I was born. She told me that when they placed me in her arms in the hospital, she felt "nothing, absolutely nothing." Her final kiss off was disinheriting me. Along the way family also ostracized me. They kept me from knowing about illnesses and deaths in my family. To get a true medical history for my doctor, I had to be nice to my mean-to-me sister and now I finally have medical history. But I dont have sister. I dont want her anymore and am sorry I tried. The truth is we can not always comfortably connect with family and trying hard doesnt always work. Copa your sister and mother are an example. Oh what a price your poor mother paid to keep your sister and her kids in her life! In the end your sister still mistreated her. Angry bitter people bargain only for their own favors. With some there is no way to talk it out and move on. It sounds nice. Psychology loves it. It doesnt always work. I assume this mother already asked her daughter to talk to her about it. Mothers do that. But they cant force a sense of working it out with the adult child. It has to be 50/50 or it doesnt work. 100/0 is pointless. I agree with Smithsmom that adult kids need to move on. Sometimes the best way to fo so is without the family you were born into. It is in my opinion kinder to move on without them than to keep playing mean games with the person you are angry at. Likely this daughter will play keep away from Grandma anyways. Or impose strict ridiculous demeaning rules on how she has to behave if she ever wants to see the grandchild. Life is not perfect. There are no perfect answers and often no good solutions. We all decide what we will put up with. [/QUOTE]
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