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Moody adult daughter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743373" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I did not mean that the mother should accept mistreatment or blame. Responsibility and risk are a different animal. Love always involves risk. If you would read my first post again. I am saying first that nobody should accept mistreatment and that it is this mother's responsibility to limit this by staying away from this daughter who mistreats her. If you read my first post you will see that this is what I said.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: The mother is in the power position if she takes it. She is allowing the daughter to have free rein in how the relationship is defined. Nobody should have this kind of power over another person. Not a daughter or a mother. </p><p></p><p>The mother feels trapped. She is not. There are many choices available to her from complete no contact to victimhood. But somewhere in the middle there is the capacity to decide to solve a problem. Solving a problem in a relationship is not only about boundaries, it is about will and motivation and commitment and responsibility, too. </p><p></p><p>I can say about somebody I love that I love them with all my heart. That I am open to hearing their pain and taking to heart their grievances with me. I will decide to not lash out or to defend. I will hear them. I will decide the conditions under which I will do this, and I will decide before I go into the situation, what my boundaries are. If those boundaries are crossed I will simply leave to try another day or not. This is what it would be to me to take one hundred percent of the responsibility and risk. It is most definitely NOT to be a doormat. It is to take the power position.</p><p></p><p>This is what I mean to take one hundred percent of the responsibility and the risk. This does not mean to take on fault or blame. It does not involve accepting victimhood. It does not mean being less so, or being undeserving. It means holding ones own power and deciding to take full responsibility to be open to another person, and to working on a remedy.</p><p></p><p>This mother wants a relationship with her daughter. There is not one thing wrong in the world to be open to what the daughter has to say, without being defensive which can itself be to be on the offense in a relationship.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743373, member: 18958"] I did not mean that the mother should accept mistreatment or blame. Responsibility and risk are a different animal. Love always involves risk. If you would read my first post again. I am saying first that nobody should accept mistreatment and that it is this mother's responsibility to limit this by staying away from this daughter who mistreats her. If you read my first post you will see that this is what I said. But the thing is this: The mother is in the power position if she takes it. She is allowing the daughter to have free rein in how the relationship is defined. Nobody should have this kind of power over another person. Not a daughter or a mother. The mother feels trapped. She is not. There are many choices available to her from complete no contact to victimhood. But somewhere in the middle there is the capacity to decide to solve a problem. Solving a problem in a relationship is not only about boundaries, it is about will and motivation and commitment and responsibility, too. I can say about somebody I love that I love them with all my heart. That I am open to hearing their pain and taking to heart their grievances with me. I will decide to not lash out or to defend. I will hear them. I will decide the conditions under which I will do this, and I will decide before I go into the situation, what my boundaries are. If those boundaries are crossed I will simply leave to try another day or not. This is what it would be to me to take one hundred percent of the responsibility and risk. It is most definitely NOT to be a doormat. It is to take the power position. This is what I mean to take one hundred percent of the responsibility and the risk. This does not mean to take on fault or blame. It does not involve accepting victimhood. It does not mean being less so, or being undeserving. It means holding ones own power and deciding to take full responsibility to be open to another person, and to working on a remedy. This mother wants a relationship with her daughter. There is not one thing wrong in the world to be open to what the daughter has to say, without being defensive which can itself be to be on the offense in a relationship. [/QUOTE]
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