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Moody adult daughter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743374" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Only an individual can decide what is worth it. I believe a relationship with a child would be worth it. I believe you do too.</p><p>We cannot change another person but we can change ourselves. We change our capacity to hold the emotions of another person without reacting; we change our sense that we are deserving; we change our locus of control from in other people to that of holding the power in ourselves, about our lives.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Nora. This daughter could have unspoken grievances. It is not always so simple, and the most desirable alternative is not always to label somebody as bad, difficult, impossible, disrespectful, etc., as the repository of all bad, and then to walk away. It is never in life all one-sided. There is always responsibility to go around. A mother could if she chooses, approach a child, setting aside all blame, all resentment, all sense of being victimized, and merely listen. That is what Nora advocates. A relationship between mother and child is qualitatively different from any other relationship because the bond in most cases is inviolable.</p><p></p><p>Please hear me: I am not suggesting to accept indiscriminate abuse. I am suggesting that if a mother would want to she could decide to listen to and to hear her child. I think I would go to therapy first. Or AA.</p><p></p><p>I only mean this: </p><p></p><p>There is a whole spectrum of possibilities in relationships. What each of us has lived is only one iteration.</p><p></p><p>I am not writing here about what you experienced with your mother or your sister. That is your story. The stories of others do not have to be the same.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743374, member: 18958"] Only an individual can decide what is worth it. I believe a relationship with a child would be worth it. I believe you do too. We cannot change another person but we can change ourselves. We change our capacity to hold the emotions of another person without reacting; we change our sense that we are deserving; we change our locus of control from in other people to that of holding the power in ourselves, about our lives. I agree with Nora. This daughter could have unspoken grievances. It is not always so simple, and the most desirable alternative is not always to label somebody as bad, difficult, impossible, disrespectful, etc., as the repository of all bad, and then to walk away. It is never in life all one-sided. There is always responsibility to go around. A mother could if she chooses, approach a child, setting aside all blame, all resentment, all sense of being victimized, and merely listen. That is what Nora advocates. A relationship between mother and child is qualitatively different from any other relationship because the bond in most cases is inviolable. Please hear me: I am not suggesting to accept indiscriminate abuse. I am suggesting that if a mother would want to she could decide to listen to and to hear her child. I think I would go to therapy first. Or AA. I only mean this: There is a whole spectrum of possibilities in relationships. What each of us has lived is only one iteration. I am not writing here about what you experienced with your mother or your sister. That is your story. The stories of others do not have to be the same. [/QUOTE]
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