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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 193519"><p>Here's my two cents. Do with it what you will.</p><p></p><p>The trust issue the therapist is worried about is not with you; it's with difficult child who is the patient. He has to build and establish trust with difficult child so that any therapy will be helpful. That includes hearing difficult child saying that mom smokes and makes casseroles. </p><p></p><p>My response to that is, so what? Tdocs hear that from kids ALL the time. Mom yelled at me, mom made me go to bed early, mom doesn't cook every night, mom works, mom goes out with her friends sometimes. All kids complain about their parents. I hear it from my kids' friends all the time. Tdocs do, too. He needs to hear this to 1) establish trust and 2) see where difficult child is coming from. I can't believe for one second that the therapist is going to say, oh, yeah...now I can see why you got into trouble. If my mom smoked and made casseroles I would have started a fire, too. It just doesn't work that way.</p><p></p><p>But, after that trust is established, the goal of therapy is to realize that these aren't the problems, that each person is responsible for his or her own actions, how to recognize when he is escalating and tools to use to calm, cope, maintain.</p><p></p><p>Further, my daughter started therapy the first time when she was 5. My son did therapy for about a year when he was 10. I was never in with them during their therapy session unless the therapist asked me to be. I usually saw the therapist for the last 10 minutes of the appointment with the my child in with me. If I needed to talk to the therapist or s/he needed to talk to me away from my child, we scheduled another appointment. </p><p></p><p>They have to get to know the kid - the patient - personally before they can begin to work on anything. If they just jump right in, it's going to blow up in their face because it's going to turn the kid completely off.</p><p></p><p>We've gone through a few therapist's, too. There was only one that I felt was really a waste of time. The other ones pushed too far, too fast and difficult child was completely p*ssed and would not go back. Even if I forced her, she would just sit there and glare without saying a word. The entire reason this happened was because they didn't take the time to build the trust.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 193519"] Here's my two cents. Do with it what you will. The trust issue the therapist is worried about is not with you; it's with difficult child who is the patient. He has to build and establish trust with difficult child so that any therapy will be helpful. That includes hearing difficult child saying that mom smokes and makes casseroles. My response to that is, so what? Tdocs hear that from kids ALL the time. Mom yelled at me, mom made me go to bed early, mom doesn't cook every night, mom works, mom goes out with her friends sometimes. All kids complain about their parents. I hear it from my kids' friends all the time. Tdocs do, too. He needs to hear this to 1) establish trust and 2) see where difficult child is coming from. I can't believe for one second that the therapist is going to say, oh, yeah...now I can see why you got into trouble. If my mom smoked and made casseroles I would have started a fire, too. It just doesn't work that way. But, after that trust is established, the goal of therapy is to realize that these aren't the problems, that each person is responsible for his or her own actions, how to recognize when he is escalating and tools to use to calm, cope, maintain. Further, my daughter started therapy the first time when she was 5. My son did therapy for about a year when he was 10. I was never in with them during their therapy session unless the therapist asked me to be. I usually saw the therapist for the last 10 minutes of the appointment with the my child in with me. If I needed to talk to the therapist or s/he needed to talk to me away from my child, we scheduled another appointment. They have to get to know the kid - the patient - personally before they can begin to work on anything. If they just jump right in, it's going to blow up in their face because it's going to turn the kid completely off. We've gone through a few therapist's, too. There was only one that I felt was really a waste of time. The other ones pushed too far, too fast and difficult child was completely p*ssed and would not go back. Even if I forced her, she would just sit there and glare without saying a word. The entire reason this happened was because they didn't take the time to build the trust. [/QUOTE]
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