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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 193610" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That might be it, Shari, as Janet or Heather one pointed out- maybe he was checking into the family dynamics. </p><p></p><p>I think part of what gets to me, too, in regards to this is that therapist brought up things to difficult child that I had told him might be a good idea to wait a bit before bringing up because I had told him how sensitive difficult child was to discussing certain things and that difficult child always either has an emotional upheaval at home after a session when they are brought up because no therapist to date has brought them up at a time when they are ready to actually deal with the issue in a session, so it gets brought up, and difficult child holds in how upset he is until he gets home and I'm left trying to dealing with what really should be dealt with by a therapist. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, if that isn't what happens, then difficult child takes it like I just have been in there tattling all his faults or past mistakes, so difficult child has told me that then he'll just tattle all mine, and that is exactly what he'll do. So 1) therapist knew all this up front and still plowed down that road the first time he meets difficult child and 2) it leaves me afraid that therapist is only seeing me as a horrid mom and when PO calls to check in to verify difficult child's therapist and get an update, (here's where my paranoia starts) therapist might not think these things are a big deal so he might tell PO, who sometimes goes out of her way to make me look bad to the judge and GAL (that part has actually happened before and isn't paranoia), so we might have to go back to dealing with judge, social services, custody case, mst instead of private therapy, etc, etc. Things got so chaotic last year when they never should have- just way too much got blown out of proportion so quickly and cost me so much- not just financially, but emotionally for difficult child and me both. People sometimes don't realize how one sentence can turn into a nightmare- one sentence from psychiatrist that someone else made an assumption that they knew he meanst XX instead of YY; one sentence from a vindictive half-bro who had ulterior motives, one sentence from a B****y PO, one sentence from a gal who made way too many assumptions and told the judge things before checking out the facts, etc. So, I'm trying to work through that. But, I am extremely cautious about a therapist who has preconceived notions that aren't entirely accurate and then hears difficult child make me sound like a horrid mom.</p><p></p><p>Example- one therapist last spring, difficult child goes into and told him that I put beer in the car and drove off and left him at home alone one night. That sounds pretty horrid and neglectful doesn't it? Do you have any idea how the judge would react to that? Doesn't that leave therapist's thinking the mom is the problem?</p><p></p><p>Would you like to know what really happened? difficult child was raging, to the point that I was afraid he was going to get violent with me or our dogs. I tried everything I knew to get him to calm down. I knew if I called cops, they would put him in detention right away, even though I felt he might need psychiatric hospital, he was on probation. Then, difficult child hid phones and started throwing things at the house and windows. It kept escalating, I took what beer there was in the house and put it in the car (to make sure difficult child did not go that route of drinking any), I put dogs in the car and told difficult child that I was leaving to go find a phone to call the cops. I drove around the neighborhood for about 5 mins and then returned home. I did not call cops. I knew that so far, my difficult child can de-escalate from a rage if he can take a mental time-out, so to speak, but I couldn't get him to do that on that night until I just took the dogs and left. Oh- and as I was leaving the driveway, difficult child tried to jump at the car. When I got back, he was calm.</p><p></p><p>Now, if we had a therapist who was already on board with all issues, I would have contacted them. I want a therapist who can help me learn better how to help difficult child, and of course, help difficult child learn better about helping himself. But it does take trust from both of us for me to tell a therapist this- if I don't know them from Adam, they could have my son removed or thrown in detention or psychiatric hospital that day. I don't think it was a life or death situation and many of us here have had times like that with our difficult child's. But not all tdocs are used to hearing about these things. And not all tdocs know techniques to teach a parent. And, being that the therapist didn't know us so well, he was left trying to figure out who was lieing on who- me or difficult child. How did it get to that point- the good ole "tattling" sessions. That's why I hate them. I've had tdocs tell me "call police" on every issue- much calmer issues than this incident. Then, one had him tdo'd for doing less then this. </p><p></p><p>Do tdocs need to know that situations like this are happening at home- of course. But when you start the way this therapy started, with a therapist who apparently feels that mania and raging are in the control of the kid, I'm not so sure this is the way to start. Of course- this is how they check those family dynamics. LOL! And, that is how the ole' behavior contract gets slapped down. Which is where we were 18 mos ago and that kept making things worse. Until psychiatrists figured out that difficult child is cycling and becoming manic- this isn't something a behavioral contract can fix. In other words, as tried and true as their method might be, I think they need to get to know us before hearing the horror stories like this or they will more than likely assume the worst. That has just been our experience. </p><p></p><p>Fortunatley difficult child didn't go this far with the intern this week. I have never told difficult child not to tell a therapist something, but I have told him (after my example situation) to either tell the whole story or none at all and that he should be careful about telling anyone, even a therapist, the worst things before they know him, unless it is a situation where someone could get or has been hurt. </p><p></p><p>I personally, feel that if we found a therapist who was used to dealing with mania and raging in kids, they wouldn't be so shocked about these stories and would be concentrating on techniques rather than who's lieing, call cops, or tdo- unless it really is a life or death situation. But, I also think that a lot of tdocs are not used to dealing with mania, or at least they don't acknowledge it as such. If a therapist really is used to dealing with kids who are BiPolar (BP), I tend to think they don't need to hear a bunch of stories like that- they know kids who get manic do things like this. They know the kid's thinking gets skewed. They know the kid more than likely has raging episodes. </p><p></p><p>I got off-topic- this didn't actually happpen with this intern- it has happened in the past and I am afraid it could happen with this intern because of the way things transpired on Tues. It's more than fear- it's like I could see just where this was leading. The more I think about it- that might be more the root of the problem. Intern really didn't even acknowledge mood cycling exists in difficult child- maybe he's one who doesn't believe it can. Inearlier discussions, he was quick to respond to questions in ways that proved he had experience doing CBT with kids and working on certain issues. But, when I brought up the topic of techniques to help kids de-escalate, he seemed a little at a loss. It happens to be my personal opinion- right or wrong- that if anyone (parents or tdocs) knew a way to de-escalate a situation before it got too out of control, they would use that technique rather than letting it get out of control then calling cops or tdo-ing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 193610, member: 3699"] That might be it, Shari, as Janet or Heather one pointed out- maybe he was checking into the family dynamics. I think part of what gets to me, too, in regards to this is that therapist brought up things to difficult child that I had told him might be a good idea to wait a bit before bringing up because I had told him how sensitive difficult child was to discussing certain things and that difficult child always either has an emotional upheaval at home after a session when they are brought up because no therapist to date has brought them up at a time when they are ready to actually deal with the issue in a session, so it gets brought up, and difficult child holds in how upset he is until he gets home and I'm left trying to dealing with what really should be dealt with by a therapist. Anyway, if that isn't what happens, then difficult child takes it like I just have been in there tattling all his faults or past mistakes, so difficult child has told me that then he'll just tattle all mine, and that is exactly what he'll do. So 1) therapist knew all this up front and still plowed down that road the first time he meets difficult child and 2) it leaves me afraid that therapist is only seeing me as a horrid mom and when PO calls to check in to verify difficult child's therapist and get an update, (here's where my paranoia starts) therapist might not think these things are a big deal so he might tell PO, who sometimes goes out of her way to make me look bad to the judge and GAL (that part has actually happened before and isn't paranoia), so we might have to go back to dealing with judge, social services, custody case, mst instead of private therapy, etc, etc. Things got so chaotic last year when they never should have- just way too much got blown out of proportion so quickly and cost me so much- not just financially, but emotionally for difficult child and me both. People sometimes don't realize how one sentence can turn into a nightmare- one sentence from psychiatrist that someone else made an assumption that they knew he meanst XX instead of YY; one sentence from a vindictive half-bro who had ulterior motives, one sentence from a B****y PO, one sentence from a gal who made way too many assumptions and told the judge things before checking out the facts, etc. So, I'm trying to work through that. But, I am extremely cautious about a therapist who has preconceived notions that aren't entirely accurate and then hears difficult child make me sound like a horrid mom. Example- one therapist last spring, difficult child goes into and told him that I put beer in the car and drove off and left him at home alone one night. That sounds pretty horrid and neglectful doesn't it? Do you have any idea how the judge would react to that? Doesn't that leave therapist's thinking the mom is the problem? Would you like to know what really happened? difficult child was raging, to the point that I was afraid he was going to get violent with me or our dogs. I tried everything I knew to get him to calm down. I knew if I called cops, they would put him in detention right away, even though I felt he might need psychiatric hospital, he was on probation. Then, difficult child hid phones and started throwing things at the house and windows. It kept escalating, I took what beer there was in the house and put it in the car (to make sure difficult child did not go that route of drinking any), I put dogs in the car and told difficult child that I was leaving to go find a phone to call the cops. I drove around the neighborhood for about 5 mins and then returned home. I did not call cops. I knew that so far, my difficult child can de-escalate from a rage if he can take a mental time-out, so to speak, but I couldn't get him to do that on that night until I just took the dogs and left. Oh- and as I was leaving the driveway, difficult child tried to jump at the car. When I got back, he was calm. Now, if we had a therapist who was already on board with all issues, I would have contacted them. I want a therapist who can help me learn better how to help difficult child, and of course, help difficult child learn better about helping himself. But it does take trust from both of us for me to tell a therapist this- if I don't know them from Adam, they could have my son removed or thrown in detention or psychiatric hospital that day. I don't think it was a life or death situation and many of us here have had times like that with our difficult child's. But not all tdocs are used to hearing about these things. And not all tdocs know techniques to teach a parent. And, being that the therapist didn't know us so well, he was left trying to figure out who was lieing on who- me or difficult child. How did it get to that point- the good ole "tattling" sessions. That's why I hate them. I've had tdocs tell me "call police" on every issue- much calmer issues than this incident. Then, one had him tdo'd for doing less then this. Do tdocs need to know that situations like this are happening at home- of course. But when you start the way this therapy started, with a therapist who apparently feels that mania and raging are in the control of the kid, I'm not so sure this is the way to start. Of course- this is how they check those family dynamics. LOL! And, that is how the ole' behavior contract gets slapped down. Which is where we were 18 mos ago and that kept making things worse. Until psychiatrists figured out that difficult child is cycling and becoming manic- this isn't something a behavioral contract can fix. In other words, as tried and true as their method might be, I think they need to get to know us before hearing the horror stories like this or they will more than likely assume the worst. That has just been our experience. Fortunatley difficult child didn't go this far with the intern this week. I have never told difficult child not to tell a therapist something, but I have told him (after my example situation) to either tell the whole story or none at all and that he should be careful about telling anyone, even a therapist, the worst things before they know him, unless it is a situation where someone could get or has been hurt. I personally, feel that if we found a therapist who was used to dealing with mania and raging in kids, they wouldn't be so shocked about these stories and would be concentrating on techniques rather than who's lieing, call cops, or tdo- unless it really is a life or death situation. But, I also think that a lot of tdocs are not used to dealing with mania, or at least they don't acknowledge it as such. If a therapist really is used to dealing with kids who are BiPolar (BP), I tend to think they don't need to hear a bunch of stories like that- they know kids who get manic do things like this. They know the kid's thinking gets skewed. They know the kid more than likely has raging episodes. I got off-topic- this didn't actually happpen with this intern- it has happened in the past and I am afraid it could happen with this intern because of the way things transpired on Tues. It's more than fear- it's like I could see just where this was leading. The more I think about it- that might be more the root of the problem. Intern really didn't even acknowledge mood cycling exists in difficult child- maybe he's one who doesn't believe it can. Inearlier discussions, he was quick to respond to questions in ways that proved he had experience doing CBT with kids and working on certain issues. But, when I brought up the topic of techniques to help kids de-escalate, he seemed a little at a loss. It happens to be my personal opinion- right or wrong- that if anyone (parents or tdocs) knew a way to de-escalate a situation before it got too out of control, they would use that technique rather than letting it get out of control then calling cops or tdo-ing. [/QUOTE]
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