More of my poor communication....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 14, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It must be my lack of communication skills. (Warning- this is a weekly vent)

    I called the state agency guy again today. He said in order to get public funding for difficult child to have after school care, we had to get either the PO or school on board and go thru county agency. He wanted to talk to PO- I begged him not to and explained how much the court people's "help" had cost me only to get no help for me or difficult child at all. So, he said he wouldn't do that. I told him I'd talk to school next week and we got off phone. Then, I realized that after school care isn't really going to solve this problem- but I can see how he got to that resolution. I had told him that I need help with someone helping to take care of difficult child so I can go back to work full time. I know I mentioned to him that there are times difficult child isn't getting to school so there's no way I can work full hours on those days and difficult child will not go to a regular after school program at this point. Anyway, it isn't just that, even if I had that help it wouldn't cover everything. Apparently none of these people stop to think about the hours missed from work for meetings at school, PO, tdocs, etc. It's pointless. And I can't very well expect the sd to back up or recommend someone to watch difficult child if he refused to go to school that day.

    Then, I looked through yellow pages to find a therapist for me that maybe could help with my baggage. I found an ad for a place and it looked like "The Answer". I called and immediatley got Ms. sale's pitch who apparently was the founder of this counseling place. When I tactfully got her to quit asking me questions so I could ask her a few, she started talking like she was in a PhD class. I told her that was a little above my head and these were the terms I was familiar with XYZ- and ask if she did any type of therapy like that. Then she got all bubbly and told me how they do everything eclectic. Then she told me to get a referral from my GP dr and they'd probably be the place referred to me. Again, I must just think differently from most people because this just was a put off to me. I just couldn't begin to imagine trying to have a counseling session with this person.

    We have to see PO Mon afternoon and I'm already cringing over it. She, nor anyone from judge's office, ever called me so I'm sure that means that PO will deal with it Mon. It will be another one of those things where they already have everything planned out and they'll hit me and difficult child with it in a 15 min meeting so I have no idea what to expect. All I know is that I wish someone would tell this PO that she is not qualified to be a therapist and she needs to keep her actions and words confined to the role of a PO.

    I've got an appointment with the one therapist before the PO on Mon. I don';t want to keep that one either. She is like the typical- she has her agenda set before I even get in there. I complained to difficult child's new therapist about most of them being this way. How would anyone feel if they went to a GP and the GP was standing there holding a script out before you even told him what was bothering you? Apparently this female therapist spoke with difficult child's therapist and got a brief summary of difficult child's issues so she automatically has an agenda for what she's going to work with me on. I wasn't asking to see her for that reason. And I HATE overly-bubbly tdocs. Sorry, I just do.

    I swear I want to give up. No, I don't want to, I just don't know where else to turn. If I could count on difficult child to do his best, I would just take him and leave here. But I can't count on him to do that.
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    As if it wasn't hard enough dealing with our difficult child's, the "powers that be" make it ten times harder. Your frustration is sooo understandable. I want to quit, or at least get a vacation from my mess as well, but of course, we can't...we are irreplacable, lucky us.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh, bleech. Hang in there! I know it feels like your weekly rant. But you need to let it out.
    I wish I could find the services for you.
    I was complaining to therapist and husband this morning, "I want to get a RV and just pack up the kids and travel around the country, homeschool both of them"
    Basically just run and hide, hide my poor kids from society... and myself.
    Nomads... I have talked, jokingly about a CD commune before. But it is starting to sound really goooood!!!!
    by the way I think you communicate very well...
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh C**P. I was looking for the dogs' nail clippers and looked through the game room. I just found a knife (like a hunting type) not so very well hidden. He's either stolen it or more likely, got it from the "friend" who was over a week or so ago. I put it some place else until I can get rid of it. I hate to think what else he might have done to get this. It did not look used, Thank GD. He doesn't know
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh Cr@p is for sure... what are you gonna do. This poor kid needs some help! He needs to have someone help him with his stability... and not all of it on you!!!
    I don't know how you are hanging on.
    That is scary.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I finally told him (calmly) that I had run across it and asked him why he had it and where he got it. He said he's had it for over a year. I don't believe that. I combed EVERYTHING in this house several times last year while he was in juvy and when he was completely unstable. I just don't buy that story. And, if it was true, then why did the knife come out of such a good hiding place to be laying just inside a tv cabinet door in the game room? It has something to do with that other boy- also, there was an ashtry in there with 3 cigarette butts of a brand that I don't smoke. That boy must have brought those and they were smoking when he came over a week or so ago. The knife was right beside the ashtry. This is why difficult child was sneaking so much that day- plus knowing that I wouldn't have allowed that boy out there to begin with.

    And the stupid PO says I'm over-protective? She thinks I should let difficult child do MORE?? :mad:

    difficult child said it isn't a hunting knife that it is a knife for scaling fish. I guess that could be but it is a knife that could obviously kill someone too and he's not allowed anything like that. I told him I took it and he can't have it back. He said he didn't care.

    I also talked to him afterwards about my concern that he isn't opening up to me much anymore and that if he can't talk to me and be honest and obey the rules that I don't know why I'm fighting anymore. There is nothing to fight for if he doesn't even care. He told me that I shouldn't feel that way because when he felt that way is when he gave up and that is how he ended up in this situation that he's in now. :faint:
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Are you sure there is no drug use involved? Knives can be used to scrape screens on pipes. Just fyi. I guess he would probably be drug tested since he is on probation.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He gets random drug tests by PO so I don't think it's drugs.... yet. I wonder about cutting though. ((In places I won't look.) He has dropped the subject. He has been a pretty good kid since Monday- helping me out with some stuff and we have planned to watch a movie together tonight, if I still have the energy. I guess it is what makes a kid a difficult child- UNPREDICTABLE. He's already done all his homework for the weekend- he switched from trumpet to french horn in band so he's been practicing.

    I'm half-way to the psychiatric hospital myself due to change of life, I suppose. I'm just so fed up with the county (sd, legal system, Children Services Board (CSB)) hiring the inexperienced to be the "safety net" and support system when we need them for our kids. It is such a joke. I can't believe it is this ignorant all through our country, but then I look at the posts from other parents all over the place and I have to believe it is.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sheesh. As if red tape weren't enough, you find the knife and cigs.
    The red tape would be enough to send me over the edge.

    I'd give the knife to a friend who is a fisherman. That way, if it really is a fishing knife, you'll find out, and it will find a good home. Really good knives shouldn't be wasted.