Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
More right than I thought
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 157187" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I have no experience with BiPolar (BP), but if you're trying to apply logical consequences to his refusal to get out of bed and go to school, here are a couple of suggestions.</p><p></p><p>First, what you did worked. It won't always, but it's good you had it to use this time because positive motivation is the best of all.</p><p></p><p>Next, if despite everything he chooses to lie around in bed and not get up, that is the day you choose to change the sheets on his bed and put them in the wash. Just carry on as if he is not at home, but instead went to school when he should have. he is not there. You cannot hear him, you will not engage. if he says, "What do you think you are doing?" you can politely comment, "Oh, are you still here? Well, I had decided some time ago that today was the day to wash your sheets and tidy your room."</p><p>Then you carry on.</p><p></p><p>It's really difficult to have a lazy lie-in when your bedding has all been removed. </p><p>And surely his pyjamas need washing too? And if that still won't have him moving (or he's lying doggo, eyes shut, pretending to be asleep) then the flash of a camera will work miracles.</p><p></p><p>The next step - all food for him during the day is to be given at school. You haven't made allowances for feeding him at home. Nor do you have money to spare for him to go buy junk food. Remember - he is not there, he is at school.</p><p></p><p>And finally, to make sure he DOES go to school, or at least to ensure you've done everything legally possible to cover YOUR rear over this, call whoever it is you need to call to say, "I am not choosing to keep him home. He has chosen to defy me and stay home. Feel free to come & get him. Bring someone who can bodily lift him into the car, he's too heavy for me."</p><p></p><p>We have rules on compliance - when our kids finished school but didn't get good enough marks to go into uni (hardly anyone did - not enough places) they had another avenue - get a job, or go to technical college (TAFE). A volunteer job was also permissible, so no kid could claim, "I can't get out and work, there aren't any jobs around at the moment." Lack of paying jobs means the kid can always volunteer to visit the elderly in a nursing home, or sweep paths for the neighbours, or teach Scripture at school.</p><p></p><p>I've seen too many school-leavers struggle with self-esteem issues as day follows day and still no gainful employment or valid use of their time.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3 at home, I will go to trouble to make him a delicious lunch, but only if he's working hard. If he's not - he gets something quick and easy, with no break time to eat it ("Just keep working, kid.") But generally he's cooperative.</p><p></p><p>My kids learned to not lie in bed if we'd previously agreed that they would get up and get working. "Previously agreed" can also include "I made it clear before bedtime last night that X would happen first thing." The kids learned that I'm a dead shot with a mist spray bottle set on 'jet'. I do NOT aim for the face, I aim for the groin, INSIDE the pyjamas. Usually up the pyjama leg. Very effective. Unfortunately, you only ever get to do this once or twice before the kid learns to rise up like Lazarus at the sound of the cup-board door opening. But it doesn't matter - getting the kid out of bed has been achieved.</p><p></p><p>Stripping the bed - that's for the really difficult recalcitrants.</p><p></p><p>But as I said to begin with - if you have positive motivation that will do the trick, use it before you try any of this stuff.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 157187, member: 1991"] I have no experience with BiPolar (BP), but if you're trying to apply logical consequences to his refusal to get out of bed and go to school, here are a couple of suggestions. First, what you did worked. It won't always, but it's good you had it to use this time because positive motivation is the best of all. Next, if despite everything he chooses to lie around in bed and not get up, that is the day you choose to change the sheets on his bed and put them in the wash. Just carry on as if he is not at home, but instead went to school when he should have. he is not there. You cannot hear him, you will not engage. if he says, "What do you think you are doing?" you can politely comment, "Oh, are you still here? Well, I had decided some time ago that today was the day to wash your sheets and tidy your room." Then you carry on. It's really difficult to have a lazy lie-in when your bedding has all been removed. And surely his pyjamas need washing too? And if that still won't have him moving (or he's lying doggo, eyes shut, pretending to be asleep) then the flash of a camera will work miracles. The next step - all food for him during the day is to be given at school. You haven't made allowances for feeding him at home. Nor do you have money to spare for him to go buy junk food. Remember - he is not there, he is at school. And finally, to make sure he DOES go to school, or at least to ensure you've done everything legally possible to cover YOUR rear over this, call whoever it is you need to call to say, "I am not choosing to keep him home. He has chosen to defy me and stay home. Feel free to come & get him. Bring someone who can bodily lift him into the car, he's too heavy for me." We have rules on compliance - when our kids finished school but didn't get good enough marks to go into uni (hardly anyone did - not enough places) they had another avenue - get a job, or go to technical college (TAFE). A volunteer job was also permissible, so no kid could claim, "I can't get out and work, there aren't any jobs around at the moment." Lack of paying jobs means the kid can always volunteer to visit the elderly in a nursing home, or sweep paths for the neighbours, or teach Scripture at school. I've seen too many school-leavers struggle with self-esteem issues as day follows day and still no gainful employment or valid use of their time. With difficult child 3 at home, I will go to trouble to make him a delicious lunch, but only if he's working hard. If he's not - he gets something quick and easy, with no break time to eat it ("Just keep working, kid.") But generally he's cooperative. My kids learned to not lie in bed if we'd previously agreed that they would get up and get working. "Previously agreed" can also include "I made it clear before bedtime last night that X would happen first thing." The kids learned that I'm a dead shot with a mist spray bottle set on 'jet'. I do NOT aim for the face, I aim for the groin, INSIDE the pyjamas. Usually up the pyjama leg. Very effective. Unfortunately, you only ever get to do this once or twice before the kid learns to rise up like Lazarus at the sound of the cup-board door opening. But it doesn't matter - getting the kid out of bed has been achieved. Stripping the bed - that's for the really difficult recalcitrants. But as I said to begin with - if you have positive motivation that will do the trick, use it before you try any of this stuff. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
More right than I thought
Top