Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Most difficult years of my life
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 726519" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is late here. I am always not tired when I pull a night shift. After this I have to get some sleep.</p><p></p><p>I found it much easier to detach after my daughter left. Although she was more willing to follow rules than your son, so that she did not blow it with her roof, I no longer worried as much about her drug use or if and when she would quit. I had two littles to raise and.by some higher power, I believe, was guided to focus on the healthy ones. It worked! For my daughter once the money was cut off, she got a job and walked to and from work in Chicago cold winter's, got promoted, paid rent, listened to her brothers house rules and quit meth and cocaine and other nasty drugs.</p><p></p><p>I see parents eventually getting to where we were earlier on. And that is when it seems many of our kids turn their lives around, after we pull out and make them fend for themselves. Some who quit drugs and changed were very hardcore. It took them knowing we were done helping and rescuing for them to get serious and do something. Not all did or do. Some are too invested in their addiction. They aren't better, but their family is doing better. A few are disabled, I think, and can't become self sufficient without assistance and refuse to get it. But I will always believe that the only motivator that works for drug use is our quitting our unhelpful help. They may not choose to change once we pull out, but from over ten years on this forum it seems like the more involved we are and the more we give them and the more we let them use us as doormats, the less they are willing to change. They don't have to change. We will save the day. They know this. They also feel we are weak if we fall for their guilt trips. No respect is earned by being a slave to an adult child.</p><p></p><p>Some of this comes from years of reading here. Some comes from my daughter who has been done with the meth/come for so long. But she still remembers. So do I.</p><p></p><p>If we don't change nothing changes. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The best predictor of the result of something we do is how it worked in the past. If we don't change, they don't either. It works for them.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can have some peace today. Try putting your phone away or only answer it or read if you are sure it isn't him. That is a good place to start....detach from his phone contact and social media. Nothing changes if you don't change.</p><p></p><p>Be well and see if you can change it up today. The key word is change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 726519, member: 1550"] It is late here. I am always not tired when I pull a night shift. After this I have to get some sleep. I found it much easier to detach after my daughter left. Although she was more willing to follow rules than your son, so that she did not blow it with her roof, I no longer worried as much about her drug use or if and when she would quit. I had two littles to raise and.by some higher power, I believe, was guided to focus on the healthy ones. It worked! For my daughter once the money was cut off, she got a job and walked to and from work in Chicago cold winter's, got promoted, paid rent, listened to her brothers house rules and quit meth and cocaine and other nasty drugs. I see parents eventually getting to where we were earlier on. And that is when it seems many of our kids turn their lives around, after we pull out and make them fend for themselves. Some who quit drugs and changed were very hardcore. It took them knowing we were done helping and rescuing for them to get serious and do something. Not all did or do. Some are too invested in their addiction. They aren't better, but their family is doing better. A few are disabled, I think, and can't become self sufficient without assistance and refuse to get it. But I will always believe that the only motivator that works for drug use is our quitting our unhelpful help. They may not choose to change once we pull out, but from over ten years on this forum it seems like the more involved we are and the more we give them and the more we let them use us as doormats, the less they are willing to change. They don't have to change. We will save the day. They know this. They also feel we are weak if we fall for their guilt trips. No respect is earned by being a slave to an adult child. Some of this comes from years of reading here. Some comes from my daughter who has been done with the meth/come for so long. But she still remembers. So do I. If we don't change nothing changes. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The best predictor of the result of something we do is how it worked in the past. If we don't change, they don't either. It works for them. I hope you can have some peace today. Try putting your phone away or only answer it or read if you are sure it isn't him. That is a good place to start....detach from his phone contact and social media. Nothing changes if you don't change. Be well and see if you can change it up today. The key word is change. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Most difficult years of my life
Top