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Substance Abuse
Most difficult years of my life
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 726596" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Guidance. </p><p>To learn the concept of No was extremely difficult for me. </p><p></p><p>There is a story from one of the boundaries type books of an older couple whose drug addled son begged for $ once again for "housing". In haste they said yes and upon getting off phone had regrets. When within a day they had not wired funds their son called angry, spewing vulgarities when he realized that finally they had said "no" and they were able to say we changed our minds. </p><p>Isn't it odd that many times we feel we have to keep our word, that it's not ok to decide a new thing? I have those boundaries in place with others but not so much with my son. Yet, it is my son who regularly doesn't keep his word...about alcohol/drug use, $ situations etc.</p><p></p><p>Once when there was cash missing again at our home, My purse was hidden-he really had to hunt for it that time-I confronted him, when discovered, via text. His answer was "it's no longer living, it's survival, you don't understand". So dramatic. I agreed I couldn't understand choosing to steal and it is a choice, from the people who had continued to love and support him through it all. We blocked his phone after that and didn't let him in house, if he showed up we visited on porch. My hubs then let him know we would call him to invite, not to just show up anymore. I hate it this way but it has to be. It certainly doesn't mean we don't love him-it's just that HE doesn't love him and I can't watch that anymore..so painful when it's in your face.</p><p>Don't be hard on yourself. When we know better, we do better. It is indeed a process and a very long road. </p><p></p><p>Our son also has learning disability but certainly knows right from wrong. It helps me to remember that many times my "help" says to him that I don't believe he's able to figure it out on his own and that's disrespectful of him. So I try each day to respect his adult choices, poor though they may be in my eyes. This is hard stuff. We are here, keep posting. prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 726596, member: 20054"] Guidance. To learn the concept of No was extremely difficult for me. There is a story from one of the boundaries type books of an older couple whose drug addled son begged for $ once again for "housing". In haste they said yes and upon getting off phone had regrets. When within a day they had not wired funds their son called angry, spewing vulgarities when he realized that finally they had said "no" and they were able to say we changed our minds. Isn't it odd that many times we feel we have to keep our word, that it's not ok to decide a new thing? I have those boundaries in place with others but not so much with my son. Yet, it is my son who regularly doesn't keep his word...about alcohol/drug use, $ situations etc. Once when there was cash missing again at our home, My purse was hidden-he really had to hunt for it that time-I confronted him, when discovered, via text. His answer was "it's no longer living, it's survival, you don't understand". So dramatic. I agreed I couldn't understand choosing to steal and it is a choice, from the people who had continued to love and support him through it all. We blocked his phone after that and didn't let him in house, if he showed up we visited on porch. My hubs then let him know we would call him to invite, not to just show up anymore. I hate it this way but it has to be. It certainly doesn't mean we don't love him-it's just that HE doesn't love him and I can't watch that anymore..so painful when it's in your face. Don't be hard on yourself. When we know better, we do better. It is indeed a process and a very long road. Our son also has learning disability but certainly knows right from wrong. It helps me to remember that many times my "help" says to him that I don't believe he's able to figure it out on his own and that's disrespectful of him. So I try each day to respect his adult choices, poor though they may be in my eyes. This is hard stuff. We are here, keep posting. prayers. [/QUOTE]
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