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Substance Abuse
Most difficult years of my life
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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 726632" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>Strangeworld - I really feel for you, it must be so hard. You can’t make her come home or make her change but you know that she would have a much better life if she did. I really hope she discovers for herself that this isn’t the way forward for her. Detaching is incredibly hard, I’m feeling that at the moment. It tears at us and sends our minds in turmoil at whether we are doing right, but the evidence seems to point to it being the right thing, it seems to be what our adult kids often need, I really hope that I’m strong enough to do it.</p><p></p><p>Sam3 - must money requests seem to boil down to drugs. Even buying them food is as they’ve spent their money on drugs already - then it’s so hard to let them go hungry. We are hard-wired to put our children before us and it requires a whole new way of thinking to detach and stop enabling. I’m struggling with it but use “No” as a complete sentence often in texts nowadays - in the past I would say “No” and give reasons to justify it. </p><p>Now saying just “No” actually feels quite strong.</p><p></p><p>So ready to live - Yes, I have often said yes under pressure, regretted it and then thought I couldn’t change my mind again and yes, they are the ones who don’t keep their word and don’t care one bit about it. </p><p>My son stole so many times from us, it still feels strange being able to leave money lying in the house without hiding it as for around 4 years before we made him leave, we had to hide everything.</p><p></p><p>LBL - I’m making notes of what you advice to read. I think it will help.</p><p></p><p>LOS - Hello from another UK mam. I had a look back at some of your posts and there are so many similarities - even you checking messenger to see when he was last on-line to check he’s ok - I do that loads.</p><p>I think we will give each other strength and I really hope we can both look back on these days in a better future with the wisdom to guide others on what worked for us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 726632, member: 22632"] Strangeworld - I really feel for you, it must be so hard. You can’t make her come home or make her change but you know that she would have a much better life if she did. I really hope she discovers for herself that this isn’t the way forward for her. Detaching is incredibly hard, I’m feeling that at the moment. It tears at us and sends our minds in turmoil at whether we are doing right, but the evidence seems to point to it being the right thing, it seems to be what our adult kids often need, I really hope that I’m strong enough to do it. Sam3 - must money requests seem to boil down to drugs. Even buying them food is as they’ve spent their money on drugs already - then it’s so hard to let them go hungry. We are hard-wired to put our children before us and it requires a whole new way of thinking to detach and stop enabling. I’m struggling with it but use “No” as a complete sentence often in texts nowadays - in the past I would say “No” and give reasons to justify it. Now saying just “No” actually feels quite strong. So ready to live - Yes, I have often said yes under pressure, regretted it and then thought I couldn’t change my mind again and yes, they are the ones who don’t keep their word and don’t care one bit about it. My son stole so many times from us, it still feels strange being able to leave money lying in the house without hiding it as for around 4 years before we made him leave, we had to hide everything. LBL - I’m making notes of what you advice to read. I think it will help. LOS - Hello from another UK mam. I had a look back at some of your posts and there are so many similarities - even you checking messenger to see when he was last on-line to check he’s ok - I do that loads. I think we will give each other strength and I really hope we can both look back on these days in a better future with the wisdom to guide others on what worked for us. [/QUOTE]
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