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Mother kicking out 10 yr old son
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 705734" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! You seem like a caring, loving father. </p><p></p><p>As I understand things, your marriage broke up because your wife had an affair and a child resulted from the affair. Your son lives with your wife. Your son is not verbally respectful to his mother and expresses that her actions hurt him and upset him. You do not encourage him to be disrespectful, but encourage him to express his feelings respectfully. Your ex mother in law is a live in babysitter in your ex wife's home. </p><p></p><p>Your ex no longer wants custody of your son or else wants to terminate your access to your son. That is where I am confused. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like she does not want to bother with your son any longer. She wants to force you to take custody of him off of her hands. It would be difficult for you to have custody because of job considerations. She is thinking of going to CPS/School about this. If she goes to CPS, they will contact you and as the father, you will have to take custody, It will be a MAJOR black mark in the eyes of the court, at least as far as how the court looks at her, and she would have to pay child support. It would look pretty bad to the court if you refused to take custody. It would likely end up with your son in foster care, at least for a short time, and other relatives would be investigated until a suitable relative or other situation could be found for him. </p><p></p><p>It would be vastly preferable if you were to work custody out without this. Foster care tries to be a good place, but an enormous number of children who go into foster care are abused. It is a situation you want your child to not be in if it is at all possible. It also would send a message to your son that neither you nor your wife wants him. Hard as it may be, you need to figure out a situation so that he can stay with you or family, and be away from his mom if that is needed. </p><p></p><p>As I read your post, the grandmother (your ex-mother in law) has done most of the care-taking for your son up to now. You would need to contact the school to find area before and after school programs (ask if his best friends go to any - it can be a big help). Also think about maybe hiring a college kid to do the before/after school care if there are not programs in your area. I live in a university town and a lot of the faculty and staff hire students to do this type of child care. For some it is even a live-in situation that works very smoothly and is mutually beneficial. The student gets free housing and basic utilities/etc... and the family gets a certain amount of child care/homework help/tutoring/chores/errands done. I have seen situations where no cash changes hands and situations where an obscene amount of $$ changes hands. Every successful situation has detailed clear rules, open communication, and no sexual contact (I am speaking of contact between the adults, of course there would be none between the children.). </p><p></p><p>From what you say about his mother, well, more the tone of your posts about her, I think it might be best to get your son away from her soon. It is just a feeling, but she doesn't seem to be treating him well. Conflict isn't good for kids. Feeling a parent doesn't want you is horrible, and knowing it must be about the most awful thing in the world. Kids don't miss anything, no matter how much we want them to, so it would be a very good idea to find a therapist for your son to talk to sooner rather than later. He will need help sorting out how he feels and figuring out what he thinks about all of this. </p><p></p><p>I hope something I suggested here helps. I am sorry this is being dropped in your lap like this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 705734, member: 1233"] Welcome! You seem like a caring, loving father. As I understand things, your marriage broke up because your wife had an affair and a child resulted from the affair. Your son lives with your wife. Your son is not verbally respectful to his mother and expresses that her actions hurt him and upset him. You do not encourage him to be disrespectful, but encourage him to express his feelings respectfully. Your ex mother in law is a live in babysitter in your ex wife's home. Your ex no longer wants custody of your son or else wants to terminate your access to your son. That is where I am confused. It sounds like she does not want to bother with your son any longer. She wants to force you to take custody of him off of her hands. It would be difficult for you to have custody because of job considerations. She is thinking of going to CPS/School about this. If she goes to CPS, they will contact you and as the father, you will have to take custody, It will be a MAJOR black mark in the eyes of the court, at least as far as how the court looks at her, and she would have to pay child support. It would look pretty bad to the court if you refused to take custody. It would likely end up with your son in foster care, at least for a short time, and other relatives would be investigated until a suitable relative or other situation could be found for him. It would be vastly preferable if you were to work custody out without this. Foster care tries to be a good place, but an enormous number of children who go into foster care are abused. It is a situation you want your child to not be in if it is at all possible. It also would send a message to your son that neither you nor your wife wants him. Hard as it may be, you need to figure out a situation so that he can stay with you or family, and be away from his mom if that is needed. As I read your post, the grandmother (your ex-mother in law) has done most of the care-taking for your son up to now. You would need to contact the school to find area before and after school programs (ask if his best friends go to any - it can be a big help). Also think about maybe hiring a college kid to do the before/after school care if there are not programs in your area. I live in a university town and a lot of the faculty and staff hire students to do this type of child care. For some it is even a live-in situation that works very smoothly and is mutually beneficial. The student gets free housing and basic utilities/etc... and the family gets a certain amount of child care/homework help/tutoring/chores/errands done. I have seen situations where no cash changes hands and situations where an obscene amount of $$ changes hands. Every successful situation has detailed clear rules, open communication, and no sexual contact (I am speaking of contact between the adults, of course there would be none between the children.). From what you say about his mother, well, more the tone of your posts about her, I think it might be best to get your son away from her soon. It is just a feeling, but she doesn't seem to be treating him well. Conflict isn't good for kids. Feeling a parent doesn't want you is horrible, and knowing it must be about the most awful thing in the world. Kids don't miss anything, no matter how much we want them to, so it would be a very good idea to find a therapist for your son to talk to sooner rather than later. He will need help sorting out how he feels and figuring out what he thinks about all of this. I hope something I suggested here helps. I am sorry this is being dropped in your lap like this. [/QUOTE]
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