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Motherhood-What Was I Thinking?
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<blockquote data-quote="DazedandConfused" data-source="post: 147702" data-attributes="member: 831"><p>Thank you everyone for your understanding, compassionate, and kind words, everyone. It's amazing how comforting they are in times like these. </p><p> </p><p>Daughter is really having a bad time. At this point, I'm thinking about what I am going to do. I think about all I have done and it feel like it was for nothing. Who knows? I suppose maybe she would be worse off. But, all that occurs to me is more therapy and medications. She's been off medications for about six months, but even with medications she still had horrible times like this. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Today, her "drama" friend told her "I don't want to talk to you anymore". Yesterday, she said the same thing. They have only been friends a very short time. This girl lives about 30 miles from us. How did daughter meet her? MySpace-truly the scourge of the earth. A friend of a friend type of thing. Daughter struggles so with relationships. This girl is 13. Daughter is 16 1/2. Though, I have met the girl and she's more sophisticated and Daughter is definitely emotionally younger. The friend is a drama queen like Daughter and gets mad easily and Daughter is devastated and goes into a emotional meltdown. She's desperate to "hang out" with her. Finally, I told her that because I am starting to think this relationship is unhealthy for daughter I won't be taking her over to her house. When I told Daughter that yesterday morning, she started screaming and crying and freaking out. </p><p> </p><p>So, this morning, her desperation in wanting to get a hold of this girl to find out why she is upset was the straw that broke the camel's back. I took the phones. But, then Daughter attacked me trying to get at them. She didn't hurt me, and frankly, I have no fear of that because I'm much bigger than her. The intent wasn't to hurt me, it was to get to the phones. While she's on top of me trying to get the phone, I'm thinking "this can't be happening". I dealt with her as calm as I could. Yesterday, when she melted down I said to her, "Honey, look at how you are acting. Don't you see? This isn't healthy. Friendships aren't like this". Then, she calms down and agrees. Then, I tell her that I won't take her to this girl's house because look what's happening and because I am her Mother, and have ONLY her best interests in mind, this relationship needs to be curtailed. Daughter then agreed that something is wrong and that she is obsessed. She's never been obsessed with a person before. She wants friends so desperately, but she's over reactive that she just can't seem to function in a normal healthy way. </p><p> </p><p>Daughter is typical that she's to prefers to be with her peers. Yet, everyone she befriends and spends any length of time with, eventually becomes alienated. She can't take being joked or teased for the most part. Eventually, everyone that is with her over a period of time, becomes an ex-friend. Daughter is emotionally fragile and kids sniff that out like a shark smells blood. Daughter has been the victim of horrible teasing and vicious pranks by schoolmates. She gets so upset and, of course, many kids delight in that. </p><p> </p><p>One of her last "good friends" made at comment that Daughter was "so desperate to make friends". Daughter freaked out and that was the end of that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To answer your question, Marg, yes she is well aware that I know how much she hates her school. We tried to transfer her earlier this year when a "friend" made a horrible myspace about my Daughter and it got over the whole school-humilating Daughter. It's a long story and I really don't want to get into details because it was so awful. The SD refused because the HS daughter goes to is on a block schedule and the other HS are not. Plus, they're simply not enough spots. So, daughter faced this nasty and sociopathic group of kids that did that. Then, she has enough credits to graduate early. She couldn't do that if she transferred. I let her make the choice. The girl that was ringleader in the whole Myspace epidsode is beyond anything I have ever encountered. Vicious. She called Daugher in the middle of the night (this was right before the Myspace thing) and told her that Daughter had thrown a chicken bone in the trash (daughter had spent the night with her and another girl at this other girl's house) and the other girl's dog got a hold of it, choked on it and died and it was all Daughter's fault. Daughter wakes me up frantic the next morning. We had to go to the other girls house and see for ourselves.The parents were shocked because their dogs were fine. So, we are way beyond drawing pictures and burning them. I WOULD BURN THAT CHILD MYSELF IF I COULD. AND I WOULD DANCE IN A CIRCLE WITH ABANDONED DELIGHT WHILE THE FLAMES GOT HIGHER FOR WHAT SHE HAS PUT DAUGHTER THROUGH. </p><p> </p><p>Talking to peers? I don't know. Her peers seem to be the problem. </p><p> </p><p>I hope this post makes some sort of sense. I'm deciding my next move. I worry for Daughter. She's a good kid. Doesn't get into trouble at school and can be very responsible. However, she has this side when it comes to personal relationships that really has me concerned for her future. She wants to go to college and wants to be a teacher. But, will she be able to get along with colleagues? All of this races through my mind. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Inspite of this, I really do try and keep my life going. I'm sure you all know how difficult that is and yes, because I have difficult children, there are many more sacrifices that have to be made. Some days I resent it bitterly, and other days I'm okay with it. We all have our burdens in life and I count my blessings. I so much want Daughter to find her place and her sense of self. I've always supported her when she wants to try something new. I have tried to be encouraging and applaud her accomplishments. </p><p> </p><p>I'm a really good Mom. Really good. I've been told over and over. Doctors, therapists, and specialists. I would have thrived with a Mother like me.It seems to have not made one ounce of difference. It doesn't matter. </p><p> </p><p>I'm guess I'm feeling a bit hopeless.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/sad-very.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sad-very:" title="sad-very :sad-very:" data-shortname=":sad-very:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DazedandConfused, post: 147702, member: 831"] Thank you everyone for your understanding, compassionate, and kind words, everyone. It's amazing how comforting they are in times like these. Daughter is really having a bad time. At this point, I'm thinking about what I am going to do. I think about all I have done and it feel like it was for nothing. Who knows? I suppose maybe she would be worse off. But, all that occurs to me is more therapy and medications. She's been off medications for about six months, but even with medications she still had horrible times like this. Today, her "drama" friend told her "I don't want to talk to you anymore". Yesterday, she said the same thing. They have only been friends a very short time. This girl lives about 30 miles from us. How did daughter meet her? MySpace-truly the scourge of the earth. A friend of a friend type of thing. Daughter struggles so with relationships. This girl is 13. Daughter is 16 1/2. Though, I have met the girl and she's more sophisticated and Daughter is definitely emotionally younger. The friend is a drama queen like Daughter and gets mad easily and Daughter is devastated and goes into a emotional meltdown. She's desperate to "hang out" with her. Finally, I told her that because I am starting to think this relationship is unhealthy for daughter I won't be taking her over to her house. When I told Daughter that yesterday morning, she started screaming and crying and freaking out. So, this morning, her desperation in wanting to get a hold of this girl to find out why she is upset was the straw that broke the camel's back. I took the phones. But, then Daughter attacked me trying to get at them. She didn't hurt me, and frankly, I have no fear of that because I'm much bigger than her. The intent wasn't to hurt me, it was to get to the phones. While she's on top of me trying to get the phone, I'm thinking "this can't be happening". I dealt with her as calm as I could. Yesterday, when she melted down I said to her, "Honey, look at how you are acting. Don't you see? This isn't healthy. Friendships aren't like this". Then, she calms down and agrees. Then, I tell her that I won't take her to this girl's house because look what's happening and because I am her Mother, and have ONLY her best interests in mind, this relationship needs to be curtailed. Daughter then agreed that something is wrong and that she is obsessed. She's never been obsessed with a person before. She wants friends so desperately, but she's over reactive that she just can't seem to function in a normal healthy way. Daughter is typical that she's to prefers to be with her peers. Yet, everyone she befriends and spends any length of time with, eventually becomes alienated. She can't take being joked or teased for the most part. Eventually, everyone that is with her over a period of time, becomes an ex-friend. Daughter is emotionally fragile and kids sniff that out like a shark smells blood. Daughter has been the victim of horrible teasing and vicious pranks by schoolmates. She gets so upset and, of course, many kids delight in that. One of her last "good friends" made at comment that Daughter was "so desperate to make friends". Daughter freaked out and that was the end of that. To answer your question, Marg, yes she is well aware that I know how much she hates her school. We tried to transfer her earlier this year when a "friend" made a horrible myspace about my Daughter and it got over the whole school-humilating Daughter. It's a long story and I really don't want to get into details because it was so awful. The SD refused because the HS daughter goes to is on a block schedule and the other HS are not. Plus, they're simply not enough spots. So, daughter faced this nasty and sociopathic group of kids that did that. Then, she has enough credits to graduate early. She couldn't do that if she transferred. I let her make the choice. The girl that was ringleader in the whole Myspace epidsode is beyond anything I have ever encountered. Vicious. She called Daugher in the middle of the night (this was right before the Myspace thing) and told her that Daughter had thrown a chicken bone in the trash (daughter had spent the night with her and another girl at this other girl's house) and the other girl's dog got a hold of it, choked on it and died and it was all Daughter's fault. Daughter wakes me up frantic the next morning. We had to go to the other girls house and see for ourselves.The parents were shocked because their dogs were fine. So, we are way beyond drawing pictures and burning them. I WOULD BURN THAT CHILD MYSELF IF I COULD. AND I WOULD DANCE IN A CIRCLE WITH ABANDONED DELIGHT WHILE THE FLAMES GOT HIGHER FOR WHAT SHE HAS PUT DAUGHTER THROUGH. Talking to peers? I don't know. Her peers seem to be the problem. I hope this post makes some sort of sense. I'm deciding my next move. I worry for Daughter. She's a good kid. Doesn't get into trouble at school and can be very responsible. However, she has this side when it comes to personal relationships that really has me concerned for her future. She wants to go to college and wants to be a teacher. But, will she be able to get along with colleagues? All of this races through my mind. Inspite of this, I really do try and keep my life going. I'm sure you all know how difficult that is and yes, because I have difficult children, there are many more sacrifices that have to be made. Some days I resent it bitterly, and other days I'm okay with it. We all have our burdens in life and I count my blessings. I so much want Daughter to find her place and her sense of self. I've always supported her when she wants to try something new. I have tried to be encouraging and applaud her accomplishments. I'm a really good Mom. Really good. I've been told over and over. Doctors, therapists, and specialists. I would have thrived with a Mother like me.It seems to have not made one ounce of difference. It doesn't matter. I'm guess I'm feeling a bit hopeless.:sad-very: [/QUOTE]
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