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Substance Abuse
Mothers Day.... Tears not joy
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687605" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Colleen. You have not lost the relationship. This is a process. </p><p></p><p>Your son cannot stay the same, in the same sort of relationship he has had with his mother. He is growing into a man. </p><p></p><p>He has been telling you through his behavior that he wants to emancipate. The drug use is a sign of wanting to make his own choices, even if, especially if, they are contrary to what you would choose for him or yourself.</p><p></p><p>He needs to solve this himself. By doing so he will define himself as an adult, a man. He cannot be your baby anymore. </p><p></p><p>However much as it hurts you, the reality is that the sooner he handles this by his own wits, with his own resources, the sooner he will be able to return to normalcy and to an easier relationship with you.</p><p></p><p>But he must solve this. </p><p></p><p>Right how, the dynamic that might be going on, is the feeling that he has failed you. In a sense, this is working for him because he needs to create distance between you. Because this is developmentally normal. Really, he is failing himself. The relationship that counts is between himself and himself. That is why he is the one who needs to fix this.</p><p></p><p>Every single one of us here on the board to some degree or another had to recognize that we needed to make some distance. Temporarily.</p><p></p><p>Try to forgive yourself and forgive your son. This has nothing to do with you as a mother. Your son is still there. He will return. But he has a developmental mandate. To become a man.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687605, member: 18958"] Colleen. You have not lost the relationship. This is a process. Your son cannot stay the same, in the same sort of relationship he has had with his mother. He is growing into a man. He has been telling you through his behavior that he wants to emancipate. The drug use is a sign of wanting to make his own choices, even if, especially if, they are contrary to what you would choose for him or yourself. He needs to solve this himself. By doing so he will define himself as an adult, a man. He cannot be your baby anymore. However much as it hurts you, the reality is that the sooner he handles this by his own wits, with his own resources, the sooner he will be able to return to normalcy and to an easier relationship with you. But he must solve this. Right how, the dynamic that might be going on, is the feeling that he has failed you. In a sense, this is working for him because he needs to create distance between you. Because this is developmentally normal. Really, he is failing himself. The relationship that counts is between himself and himself. That is why he is the one who needs to fix this. Every single one of us here on the board to some degree or another had to recognize that we needed to make some distance. Temporarily. Try to forgive yourself and forgive your son. This has nothing to do with you as a mother. Your son is still there. He will return. But he has a developmental mandate. To become a man. [/QUOTE]
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