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Parent Emeritus
Mourning the loss of innocence
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 522401" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I have felt the same way many times about my son. He is 34 in a few months and still is making poor choices, and very immature. He picks the same type as him for relationships and all but 1 has expected us to financially support them. The last one I asked zero questions and didn't meet her for a whole year. He quit his job so they could go to college full time. At first they were working part time jobs. He lies and is manipulative, he knows what I want to hear.</p><p></p><p> Then it starts, the emails from her requesting money because he has quit his job and she thinks we should support them. The harrassing phone calls, this one was the worse yet and she tried to get the entire family wrapped up in their drama.</p><p></p><p>I had to call the police to stop her. She has harrassed all of his friends too so no one wants anything to do with him. That may be a good thing lol!!!</p><p></p><p>He had been telling me for about 4 months that he was homeless but trying to stay in school. He was on the Dean's List so I was helping him finish the semester and then I was going to tell him he had to go part time, I am retired and can not support him.</p><p></p><p>It was all a lie! They had a fight and she kicked him out for 2 weeks then he went back. After I called the police I called the mother (she works for the police and the officer gave me the nunber to contact her) she told me the truth. He is making good grades, but they party a lot, fight a lot, he cuts himself and threatens suicide. The girl (37yo) was put in detox and he Baker Acted himself.</p><p></p><p>He really is living on the streets now. I offered to pay for a hotel until he found a place to stay but he never called back. He wanted the money, not a hotel room. He emailed me after a few weeks, one line asking for money and I ignored it. He just emailed last week saying he was in another town, I have no clue who or what he is with. I just reponded good to hear from you.</p><p></p><p>I am so tired of him and his drama! But I have finally realized my dream for my gifted son may not ever happen. I am ashamed of him and embarrassed by his actions. The mother had cancer and the 2 of them were not working. I just can't wrap my head around his thinking, or lack of. I hide it from my family and some of them would be very upset about my not rescuing him. His sister and my husband know, that's all. He is so much like his worthless father that it is scary! The father deserted us and I raised them myself. My guilt for working so much to support us was used against me for a long time. No more!! </p><p></p><p>This book has helped me a great deal. I am trying very hard to let him go with love. Some days are easier than others and I am weepy. It is his life and I am so thankful there are no children involved. My son was clean and sober for one year and the difference was amazing. Part of it is him, but add the drugs and alcohol to the mixture and it is a disaster.</p><p><a href="http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177" target="_blank">http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177</a></p><p></p><p>It's my only son too, so I understand your heartbreak. You can't go back so don't play 'what if' I played that game far too long. You are allowed to grieve for what you lost, but I'm afraid we have to accept them as they are and move forward. As painful as that is, sadly, it is the only way. We can not control their lives, only they can.</p><p>(((blessings and peace for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 522401, member: 13558"] I have felt the same way many times about my son. He is 34 in a few months and still is making poor choices, and very immature. He picks the same type as him for relationships and all but 1 has expected us to financially support them. The last one I asked zero questions and didn't meet her for a whole year. He quit his job so they could go to college full time. At first they were working part time jobs. He lies and is manipulative, he knows what I want to hear. Then it starts, the emails from her requesting money because he has quit his job and she thinks we should support them. The harrassing phone calls, this one was the worse yet and she tried to get the entire family wrapped up in their drama. I had to call the police to stop her. She has harrassed all of his friends too so no one wants anything to do with him. That may be a good thing lol!!! He had been telling me for about 4 months that he was homeless but trying to stay in school. He was on the Dean's List so I was helping him finish the semester and then I was going to tell him he had to go part time, I am retired and can not support him. It was all a lie! They had a fight and she kicked him out for 2 weeks then he went back. After I called the police I called the mother (she works for the police and the officer gave me the nunber to contact her) she told me the truth. He is making good grades, but they party a lot, fight a lot, he cuts himself and threatens suicide. The girl (37yo) was put in detox and he Baker Acted himself. He really is living on the streets now. I offered to pay for a hotel until he found a place to stay but he never called back. He wanted the money, not a hotel room. He emailed me after a few weeks, one line asking for money and I ignored it. He just emailed last week saying he was in another town, I have no clue who or what he is with. I just reponded good to hear from you. I am so tired of him and his drama! But I have finally realized my dream for my gifted son may not ever happen. I am ashamed of him and embarrassed by his actions. The mother had cancer and the 2 of them were not working. I just can't wrap my head around his thinking, or lack of. I hide it from my family and some of them would be very upset about my not rescuing him. His sister and my husband know, that's all. He is so much like his worthless father that it is scary! The father deserted us and I raised them myself. My guilt for working so much to support us was used against me for a long time. No more!! This book has helped me a great deal. I am trying very hard to let him go with love. Some days are easier than others and I am weepy. It is his life and I am so thankful there are no children involved. My son was clean and sober for one year and the difference was amazing. Part of it is him, but add the drugs and alcohol to the mixture and it is a disaster. [URL]http://www.support4change.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=131&Itemid=177[/URL] It's my only son too, so I understand your heartbreak. You can't go back so don't play 'what if' I played that game far too long. You are allowed to grieve for what you lost, but I'm afraid we have to accept them as they are and move forward. As painful as that is, sadly, it is the only way. We can not control their lives, only they can. (((blessings and peace for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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