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Moving toward grief and depression
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757501" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Beta</p><p>Yes. We have no control over how somebody treats us, and if we've kept our side of the aisle clean, no responsibility either. If our children disrespect us, they are responsible for the consequences of that decision. My son will always be my son, but if he is not acting as a child acts towards a parent, he's made that choice, and I need to draw the line that much clearer.</p><p></p><p>This is painful, yes. But the thing is, does not G-d have a plan about who we are to become? We had our own needs and ideas about motherhood, about connection and how our children would thrive and flourish in our care. They did for a long time, only to stall. They stalled because of their age, and they stalled because of past experiences and influences that we did not control and could not. They stalled because of their own choices and responses to the world and to challenges they faced. But they are men now. Their mothers no longer create the containers for their lives and life experience. These men determine this themselves.</p><p></p><p>I study with a Rabbi in Jerusalem. It's a great privilege. In italics these are his words:</p><p></p><p><em>We will realize that God had something completely different in mind for our life than what we had imagined. Something that is grander and loftier, yet more subtle and refined.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>As mothers we have our own ideas about who we are and what we want our children to become. We have values and we have ideals that we strive to fulfill. But we have entered a new iteration of the world here. Where the old ideas and needs of motherhood no longer work for us or for our sons.</p><p></p><p>We are at a choice point here, where our consciousness has to change, because it is in conflict with the reality we face. We don't have to make our children "bad" or "wrong." We can only decide to open to the new present that G-d has provided us. If we continue insisting that we want what we wanted, don't we become like our children? Is it not kind of like throwing a fit? <em>G-d, give me the son I wanted and needed!! Now!! </em>(That's me speaking, not you.) Let's give our sons to G-d who's got infinitely more patience.</p><p></p><p>It takes inner strength and courage to open to this new reality, as you are, Beta. I admire you greatly. No less for your great love and loyalty to Josh, than for your spiritual openness to turn to a new way, to embrace uncertainty and possibility. Because that's what you are doing. Maybe I am, too. Love, Copa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757501, member: 18958"] Hi Beta Yes. We have no control over how somebody treats us, and if we've kept our side of the aisle clean, no responsibility either. If our children disrespect us, they are responsible for the consequences of that decision. My son will always be my son, but if he is not acting as a child acts towards a parent, he's made that choice, and I need to draw the line that much clearer. This is painful, yes. But the thing is, does not G-d have a plan about who we are to become? We had our own needs and ideas about motherhood, about connection and how our children would thrive and flourish in our care. They did for a long time, only to stall. They stalled because of their age, and they stalled because of past experiences and influences that we did not control and could not. They stalled because of their own choices and responses to the world and to challenges they faced. But they are men now. Their mothers no longer create the containers for their lives and life experience. These men determine this themselves. I study with a Rabbi in Jerusalem. It's a great privilege. In italics these are his words: [I]We will realize that God had something completely different in mind for our life than what we had imagined. Something that is grander and loftier, yet more subtle and refined. [/I] As mothers we have our own ideas about who we are and what we want our children to become. We have values and we have ideals that we strive to fulfill. But we have entered a new iteration of the world here. Where the old ideas and needs of motherhood no longer work for us or for our sons. We are at a choice point here, where our consciousness has to change, because it is in conflict with the reality we face. We don't have to make our children "bad" or "wrong." We can only decide to open to the new present that G-d has provided us. If we continue insisting that we want what we wanted, don't we become like our children? Is it not kind of like throwing a fit? [I]G-d, give me the son I wanted and needed!! Now!! [/I](That's me speaking, not you.) Let's give our sons to G-d who's got infinitely more patience. It takes inner strength and courage to open to this new reality, as you are, Beta. I admire you greatly. No less for your great love and loyalty to Josh, than for your spiritual openness to turn to a new way, to embrace uncertainty and possibility. Because that's what you are doing. Maybe I am, too. Love, Copa [/QUOTE]
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