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Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa! I am an evil wife!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 319636" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Oh, honestly! It's not about fault, you idiotic man, it's about learning form it and remembering for next time. </p><p></p><p>So often we make mistakes with our kids by focussing on blame. This teaches kids to focus on blame and the more you think this way, the more your thinking becomes black and white and also very selfish. Everything revolves around "Is it my fault? If not, who can I blame?"</p><p></p><p>Often fault does not come into it. Somtimes events are just events. A pleasant experience, or a not so pleasant experience. Not necessarily bad, not good. Just different. And we need to think in terms of "What could I have done differently, to improve the experience for us all?"</p><p></p><p>Person A might have sat between the boys but not thought to feed them. Prson B might had fed them popcorn, let thme share a giant bucket and ignored all spills, happily buying more popcorn as it got demolished. The boys would have probably been a lot happier even with sharing, once thye realised the supply was bottomless. </p><p>Which would be judgeed as getting it right, or wrong? Neither. Both failed Occupational Therapist (OT) do it perfectly. But which of them did better than husband did? Both of them. But it could also have been far worse for husband. He obviously did a lot of things right. He got the kids there and back without bloodhsed. Nobody broke a leg or a nose. They watched the film despite the problems. There were obstacles, he made choices and followed through. </p><p></p><p>The main problem now IS of husband's making - he is whining about tings but refusing to learn from the experience, trying to find ways to assign blame when actually, this is not a blame issue.</p><p></p><p>Society is too focussed on blame. We need to break this bad habit so we can help our kids feel better about their attempts.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 319636, member: 1991"] Oh, honestly! It's not about fault, you idiotic man, it's about learning form it and remembering for next time. So often we make mistakes with our kids by focussing on blame. This teaches kids to focus on blame and the more you think this way, the more your thinking becomes black and white and also very selfish. Everything revolves around "Is it my fault? If not, who can I blame?" Often fault does not come into it. Somtimes events are just events. A pleasant experience, or a not so pleasant experience. Not necessarily bad, not good. Just different. And we need to think in terms of "What could I have done differently, to improve the experience for us all?" Person A might have sat between the boys but not thought to feed them. Prson B might had fed them popcorn, let thme share a giant bucket and ignored all spills, happily buying more popcorn as it got demolished. The boys would have probably been a lot happier even with sharing, once thye realised the supply was bottomless. Which would be judgeed as getting it right, or wrong? Neither. Both failed Occupational Therapist (OT) do it perfectly. But which of them did better than husband did? Both of them. But it could also have been far worse for husband. He obviously did a lot of things right. He got the kids there and back without bloodhsed. Nobody broke a leg or a nose. They watched the film despite the problems. There were obstacles, he made choices and followed through. The main problem now IS of husband's making - he is whining about tings but refusing to learn from the experience, trying to find ways to assign blame when actually, this is not a blame issue. Society is too focussed on blame. We need to break this bad habit so we can help our kids feel better about their attempts. Marg [/QUOTE]
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