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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 713185" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you are hurting.</p><p></p><p>Your help has not helped himself as you frantically try to help him. He wont even follow rules in places you rent and pay for. Obviously you are more concerned about him having a place to stay than he is. You cant change somebody else, not even a loved one. They have to do it and he is abusing you. Just like if he were an abusive spouse. Its domestic abuse. Has he ever hit uou? Shoved you? Threatened you? If your husband acted like your son you would call it sbuse. It IS abuse. Domestic abuse. </p><p></p><p>Depression is no excuse. I have a diagnosis of both depression/anxiety. These common problems are treatable and dont cause anyone to be abusive. That comes from him and who he is.</p><p></p><p>Psychiatric medications cause weight gain and extreme hunger. I was always a stick but gained 80 pounds taking an anti depressant. I did lose most of it, but it was incredibly hard and I have to still watch it. For my first time ever I learned what it is like to crave food and be overweight. I have a lot of willpower too about food, but this was different. I would not bug him about his weight or he may just throw out the medications. Mood stabilizers like Depakote and Lithium also cause weight gain big time. Anti psychotics, like Risperdal, are horrible too and make you feel hungry all the time. Your son is young. He can lose weight later, when he is hopefully in a better place.</p><p></p><p>You dont mention drugs but his behavior mirrors drug use/addiction. Stealing for drug money is common. Not wanting to work or be productive is common with drug use, even or maybe especially pot.</p><p></p><p>Your house should be a sanctuary in my opinion.this young adult man is not benefitting from your efforts to help him. Let his choices go and, if you have a higher power, give him to your higher power.</p><p></p><p>I think your husband is right. Do you see a therapist to help you cope? Most of us get some sort of help to learn to be good to ourselves and to detach with love from our ungrateful, dependent but abusive adult kids. Its too hard to do without help.</p><p></p><p>Somehow, even if we wouldnt accept a verbal or physical punch from a spouse, we tend to take it from adult children partly because maybe we feel we caused this dysfunction or because we still see our adult child as a little child and we hurt for them. Or we take the outcome of their lives personally. And, of course, even when they are awful, we love them unconditionally. But they are grown. </p><p></p><p>Their adult choices have nothing to do with us. Their guilting words are part of their abuse. They feel entitled even if they are 35 years old. Its insane.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself first. You earned it. Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 713185, member: 1550"] Hi. Sorry you are hurting. Your help has not helped himself as you frantically try to help him. He wont even follow rules in places you rent and pay for. Obviously you are more concerned about him having a place to stay than he is. You cant change somebody else, not even a loved one. They have to do it and he is abusing you. Just like if he were an abusive spouse. Its domestic abuse. Has he ever hit uou? Shoved you? Threatened you? If your husband acted like your son you would call it sbuse. It IS abuse. Domestic abuse. Depression is no excuse. I have a diagnosis of both depression/anxiety. These common problems are treatable and dont cause anyone to be abusive. That comes from him and who he is. Psychiatric medications cause weight gain and extreme hunger. I was always a stick but gained 80 pounds taking an anti depressant. I did lose most of it, but it was incredibly hard and I have to still watch it. For my first time ever I learned what it is like to crave food and be overweight. I have a lot of willpower too about food, but this was different. I would not bug him about his weight or he may just throw out the medications. Mood stabilizers like Depakote and Lithium also cause weight gain big time. Anti psychotics, like Risperdal, are horrible too and make you feel hungry all the time. Your son is young. He can lose weight later, when he is hopefully in a better place. You dont mention drugs but his behavior mirrors drug use/addiction. Stealing for drug money is common. Not wanting to work or be productive is common with drug use, even or maybe especially pot. Your house should be a sanctuary in my opinion.this young adult man is not benefitting from your efforts to help him. Let his choices go and, if you have a higher power, give him to your higher power. I think your husband is right. Do you see a therapist to help you cope? Most of us get some sort of help to learn to be good to ourselves and to detach with love from our ungrateful, dependent but abusive adult kids. Its too hard to do without help. Somehow, even if we wouldnt accept a verbal or physical punch from a spouse, we tend to take it from adult children partly because maybe we feel we caused this dysfunction or because we still see our adult child as a little child and we hurt for them. Or we take the outcome of their lives personally. And, of course, even when they are awful, we love them unconditionally. But they are grown. Their adult choices have nothing to do with us. Their guilting words are part of their abuse. They feel entitled even if they are 35 years old. Its insane. Take care of yourself first. You earned it. Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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