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Substance Abuse
My 21 year old son/help
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 742796" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>Sadmom, so sorry you find yourself here. Many of us have walked your same path. Others here have already given you some great advice. </p><p></p><p>I would say it is time for you to center yourself and you needs in your own life. Your son is an adult now. You have tried many times, at great financial and emotional cost, to get him on a better path. You have learned that your attempting to save home from his choices did not help. Be grateful that you have learned this when he is 21, not 31 or 41. </p><p></p><p>What happens next in his life is his choice and his responsibility. I hope you can find the strength to not rescue him next time he finds himself in trouble. It is no longer your job, and it does more harm than good. </p><p></p><p>I have had three off the rails and so far only one has gotten his life turned around. His turning point was in prison. The best thing I ever did for him was refuse to bail him out, pay for a lawyer, or ease his time in prison. It was also one of the hardest things I have done. Jumping into rescue mode is easier than watching them fall. As hard as it was to watch, those nine months in prison provided the wake up call he needed to make another choice when he was out. It also connected him to mandated rehab and halfway programs and the probation program kept him accountable for staying sober in those critical first couple years out. He is now married and has a son and a stepson who are my joys. It wasn’t the path I imagined for my bright son with a promising future but it is the path he needed to take. He is building a different future now. </p><p></p><p>I can’t say what will happen next with your son or what it will take for him to turn his life around. What I do hope is that you will take this time to refocus on you. Rekindle friendships you have lost, or start activities that will help you find new ones. Find hobbies that bring you joy. Pamper yourself. Give yourself permission to feel joy and be alright in the moment, even if your son is not alright. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you. Keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 742796, member: 23349"] Sadmom, so sorry you find yourself here. Many of us have walked your same path. Others here have already given you some great advice. I would say it is time for you to center yourself and you needs in your own life. Your son is an adult now. You have tried many times, at great financial and emotional cost, to get him on a better path. You have learned that your attempting to save home from his choices did not help. Be grateful that you have learned this when he is 21, not 31 or 41. What happens next in his life is his choice and his responsibility. I hope you can find the strength to not rescue him next time he finds himself in trouble. It is no longer your job, and it does more harm than good. I have had three off the rails and so far only one has gotten his life turned around. His turning point was in prison. The best thing I ever did for him was refuse to bail him out, pay for a lawyer, or ease his time in prison. It was also one of the hardest things I have done. Jumping into rescue mode is easier than watching them fall. As hard as it was to watch, those nine months in prison provided the wake up call he needed to make another choice when he was out. It also connected him to mandated rehab and halfway programs and the probation program kept him accountable for staying sober in those critical first couple years out. He is now married and has a son and a stepson who are my joys. It wasn’t the path I imagined for my bright son with a promising future but it is the path he needed to take. He is building a different future now. I can’t say what will happen next with your son or what it will take for him to turn his life around. What I do hope is that you will take this time to refocus on you. Rekindle friendships you have lost, or start activities that will help you find new ones. Find hobbies that bring you joy. Pamper yourself. Give yourself permission to feel joy and be alright in the moment, even if your son is not alright. Hugs to you. Keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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