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Substance Abuse
My brother got arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 615985" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi to a very caring sister. But you may be surprised by my personal opinion and advice.</p><p> </p><p>Stay out of the mess. It is his life and he is choosing to ruin it. You can't change him so there is no point in angsting over it. He is 25, not a baby, and nobody can do a think other than enable his behavior and that won't help him at all.</p><p> </p><p>You can not change how your parents have chosen to deal with him. It is their path to walk. If they came here we would tell them both exactly what I am telling you...they can not change him. Let him go off on his own and detach. This is not easy or instant, but once you realize that you can not change the addict (only YOUR reaction to the addict's behavior) then you can move forward to find inner peace, knowing that you are not responsible for how anybody else acts or what anyone else does.</p><p> </p><p>I have a great book you may want to read: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. I used to think I could fix damaged people too. It was a shock to absorb that I couldn't do one thing to change anyone buy me. And I did change me and my reaction to other's behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>You are young with your life ahead of you. Detach lovingly from your family and go on to do the great things you can do. Your brother's fate is in his own hands and nobody else's. Your parents have to walk their own journey and make their own choices. In the meantime, going to a Nar-Anon meeting or a private therapist may help your anxiety over your brother's choices.</p><p> </p><p>I know you are worried about your parents, but they are choosing to destroy their elder years. I doubt you can change them. They have to come to the realization themselves that there is nothing they can do for their son. Many of us have come to that decision. Some parents never can let go and it does make them ill. I hope your parents see that letting go of your brother's drama is for the best for them and for their other loved ones who want them to be healthy and happy. It is too bad Brother lives with them. He is too old to be at home behaving that way, but...again, this is your parent's decision.</p><p> </p><p>Engage your family on other issues. Do not stay involved with this brother and try detachment. That does not mean leaving your family. It means deciding how you will interact with them and on what terms. You don't need to tell them about it. Just do it.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 615985, member: 1550"] Hi to a very caring sister. But you may be surprised by my personal opinion and advice. Stay out of the mess. It is his life and he is choosing to ruin it. You can't change him so there is no point in angsting over it. He is 25, not a baby, and nobody can do a think other than enable his behavior and that won't help him at all. You can not change how your parents have chosen to deal with him. It is their path to walk. If they came here we would tell them both exactly what I am telling you...they can not change him. Let him go off on his own and detach. This is not easy or instant, but once you realize that you can not change the addict (only YOUR reaction to the addict's behavior) then you can move forward to find inner peace, knowing that you are not responsible for how anybody else acts or what anyone else does. I have a great book you may want to read: "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. I used to think I could fix damaged people too. It was a shock to absorb that I couldn't do one thing to change anyone buy me. And I did change me and my reaction to other's behaviors. You are young with your life ahead of you. Detach lovingly from your family and go on to do the great things you can do. Your brother's fate is in his own hands and nobody else's. Your parents have to walk their own journey and make their own choices. In the meantime, going to a Nar-Anon meeting or a private therapist may help your anxiety over your brother's choices. I know you are worried about your parents, but they are choosing to destroy their elder years. I doubt you can change them. They have to come to the realization themselves that there is nothing they can do for their son. Many of us have come to that decision. Some parents never can let go and it does make them ill. I hope your parents see that letting go of your brother's drama is for the best for them and for their other loved ones who want them to be healthy and happy. It is too bad Brother lives with them. He is too old to be at home behaving that way, but...again, this is your parent's decision. Engage your family on other issues. Do not stay involved with this brother and try detachment. That does not mean leaving your family. It means deciding how you will interact with them and on what terms. You don't need to tell them about it. Just do it. Good luck!! [/QUOTE]
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