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My counseling session today
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 246387" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>kjs</p><p> </p><p>Is does sound like husband is over-compensating for his own childhood. Unfortunately, you can't do anything to change that because you're not the one doing it. So, although I know it's maddening as h*ll, let it go and let husband deal with that issue with the therapist. It's his issue.</p><p> </p><p>I understand what Star and Marcie are saying because in a milder form I used to be that person. And I think I fell for husband because he didn't try to control me. Unfortunately I didn't realize I was going to wind up in the role of mother to my own husband.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/ashamed.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":ashamed:" title="ashamed :ashamed:" data-shortname=":ashamed:" /></p><p> </p><p>You have to step off the merry-go-round. Lessen your load. If that means husband and difficult child get to do their own cooking and laundry......well, it sure won't hurt them. If it means difficult child flunks a grade, well, that might give him a new attitude about not doing schoolwork.</p><p> </p><p>My wake up call was the truck accident. There I am with a fractured skull and 2 shattered shoulders, battered, bruised, in pain, and not all there in the head.......and my husband expects his laundry done and a hot meal on the table, kids expect me to do all the things I normally do.</p><p> </p><p>I was like WTH? Then smothered in a wave of unappreciation......then mad.......And when it passed, it was......Uh, no. This sooooooo isn't the way it's gonna be anymore.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not a fighter. I don't yell. (if I do you'd better run) <strong>Actions speak louder than words. </strong>So, I just stopped. Anything overwhelming I quit doing. husband either picked up the slack or not, kids either pitched in or not. If not, it didn't get done. I can out stubborn just about anyone when I put my mind to it.</p><p> </p><p>You don't have to work yourself to death and not be appreciated for it. </p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 246387, member: 84"] kjs Is does sound like husband is over-compensating for his own childhood. Unfortunately, you can't do anything to change that because you're not the one doing it. So, although I know it's maddening as h*ll, let it go and let husband deal with that issue with the therapist. It's his issue. I understand what Star and Marcie are saying because in a milder form I used to be that person. And I think I fell for husband because he didn't try to control me. Unfortunately I didn't realize I was going to wind up in the role of mother to my own husband.:ashamed: You have to step off the merry-go-round. Lessen your load. If that means husband and difficult child get to do their own cooking and laundry......well, it sure won't hurt them. If it means difficult child flunks a grade, well, that might give him a new attitude about not doing schoolwork. My wake up call was the truck accident. There I am with a fractured skull and 2 shattered shoulders, battered, bruised, in pain, and not all there in the head.......and my husband expects his laundry done and a hot meal on the table, kids expect me to do all the things I normally do. I was like WTH? Then smothered in a wave of unappreciation......then mad.......And when it passed, it was......Uh, no. This sooooooo isn't the way it's gonna be anymore. I'm not a fighter. I don't yell. (if I do you'd better run) [B]Actions speak louder than words. [/B]So, I just stopped. Anything overwhelming I quit doing. husband either picked up the slack or not, kids either pitched in or not. If not, it didn't get done. I can out stubborn just about anyone when I put my mind to it. You don't have to work yourself to death and not be appreciated for it. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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