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Parent Emeritus
My difficult child still in jail - sad, hopeful,despair.....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 599026" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>HHE, I'm sorry you are so sad, I understand how you feel. However, we can't know on a deeper level exactly what our children need in order to grow and get healthy. Since this is how it turned out, I would focus on the positive events, how healthy he is, his volunteering, the time without drugs and his humility. Sometimes we have to allow them these difficult times so that they can learn and become healthy. Just think down the road a bit, how will you feel in a year, if he pulls his life together, is in a healthy lifestyle and doing well? You will look back and understand he needed this time to grow up. </p><p></p><p>While he is away, take care of yourself, nourish yourself, put the focus on you and what your needs are. Right now, there is nothing you can do anyway, so find support, go to a 12 step group, there are helpful ones for parents that others here really get a lot out of. Find a therapist. Get a massage. I just heard about a book here on this forum called <u>When parents hurt</u> by Joshua Coleman, you might want to read it. There is a good article on detachment at the bottom of my post. </p><p></p><p>*You suffering over where your son is does him no good and certainly doesn't enhance your life. Do something you love every day, practice enjoying your moments, be kind to yourself and put yourself first. You deserve that. I'm sure the last few years have taken a toll on you. There is no need for you to be miserable now, there is nothing you can do for him, it's out of your hands................go take your life back and find your joy..............hugs.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 599026, member: 13542"] HHE, I'm sorry you are so sad, I understand how you feel. However, we can't know on a deeper level exactly what our children need in order to grow and get healthy. Since this is how it turned out, I would focus on the positive events, how healthy he is, his volunteering, the time without drugs and his humility. Sometimes we have to allow them these difficult times so that they can learn and become healthy. Just think down the road a bit, how will you feel in a year, if he pulls his life together, is in a healthy lifestyle and doing well? You will look back and understand he needed this time to grow up. While he is away, take care of yourself, nourish yourself, put the focus on you and what your needs are. Right now, there is nothing you can do anyway, so find support, go to a 12 step group, there are helpful ones for parents that others here really get a lot out of. Find a therapist. Get a massage. I just heard about a book here on this forum called [U]When parents hurt[/U] by Joshua Coleman, you might want to read it. There is a good article on detachment at the bottom of my post. *You suffering over where your son is does him no good and certainly doesn't enhance your life. Do something you love every day, practice enjoying your moments, be kind to yourself and put yourself first. You deserve that. I'm sure the last few years have taken a toll on you. There is no need for you to be miserable now, there is nothing you can do for him, it's out of your hands................go take your life back and find your joy..............hugs......... [/QUOTE]
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My difficult child still in jail - sad, hopeful,despair.....
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