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My difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 372351" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I had seen burn marks on him before he was sent to detention a few months ago and difficult child told me he had done it himself. I still called the crisis center because they were the only place open that time of night and asked if they thought this was a MH issue. I'm not sure if the courts people's attitutde that I'm just a neurotic mom who over-reacts or whatever has made it's way to our MH dept (they all know each other) but the lady at the crisis center toldd me it was nothing to be concerned about because teens these days are doing this to themselves a lot. Fine, I let it go because PO seems to think difficult child does a lot of things just to get the shock factoor from me. But then this past weekend I saw one burn mark on his chest and in hind sight, it probably was where someone put a cig out on him. Apparently, when difficult child had to strip and change clothes in front of guards going into detention Monday, they saw more and told PO. PO asked difficult child about them and that's how it came out that difficult child was letting people put cigs out on him. </p><p></p><p></p><p>PO is one who clearly thinks MH treatment is only there for completely insane people or people who have an issue they want to discuss with a therapist- he doesn't get that there is a lot in between. Just like they don't geet that just because the psychiatrist at Department of Juvenile Justice removed ggfg's bipolar diagnosis doesn't mean that difficult child still doesn't have a mood disorder or something else. But over the past couple of months, PO has acknowledged little by little that difficult child has some serious issues and they mostly revolve around him wanting to be accepted by peers, that his behavior isn't normal, and that we have a very difficult relationship. Nice. We've known all that for years. But courts people were too busy telling their MH evaluators what they wanted the reports to say because they didn't believe what the outside MH evaluators had reported. They didn't see it and didn't believe me. They had listened to my family and believed I was the only problem. This is what I am referring to when I say they have the tail wagging the dog over there. Now PO is starting to see a little of this for himself. </p><p></p><p>I asked him yesterday if there was any way to get more intensive therapy for difficult child and for us as a family this time while he's in Department of Juvenile Justice. He said no, he'll get the typical generic stuff that all the boys in there get- like they weren't going to do something special for just one. According to PO, this is it- no services for difficult child. And they wonder why I feel like I'm standing here watching them whittle away whatever hope and chance difficult child has left until he's bound for a life of incarceration. They are already telling me that he'll probably never be able to make it in society and will be in the revolviong door the rest of his life. Why? because they didn't unlock the door at 15yo after he'd been incarcerated since barely turning 14 yo and come out a easy child without needing transitional services, therapy, anything. Like he's a dirty white sock that didn't get clean when washed so we'll just throw it away.</p><p></p><p>I did stress to PO that the two main things I want to make sure the judge knows, besides that difficult child is running around all hours of the night and I can't stop him, is that he let others put cigs out on him, and exactly HOW he stole that money from me. </p><p></p><p>Reducing charges will be a discussion between the DA and def attny. Being that the offense was against me, the DA probably will ask how I feel about it prior to any plea bargain made. At least that is how it worked last year when difficult child pulled the knife out on me.</p><p></p><p>ETA: Another thing PO has mentioned but not given details about- he said that a lot of stuff pertaining to the way people over there had been blaming me stemmed from "some things not getting documented and reported correctly- they got a little twisted and not told to others accurately". He told me a few months ago that he'd talked to previous PO about difficult child and "clearly, there were some big problems between the two of us" (she and I). Then when I said to him on Monday that I'd like to know why previous PO and GAL couldn't be held accountable and that I thought they should be, he said he agreed. Since I never had a problem with her until she started trying to micromanage the way I was raising difficult child and I kknew what she wanted was contradictory to what difficult child's MH profs' recommendations were and against my mommy instinct, it makes me think that the PO had some issue against me to start out with. It makes me wonder if there might have been some reverse discrimination going on, too. When the custody case was going on, my attny told me that the PO was out to make me non-compliant for anything she could and was itching to take me to the judge. No one could come up with aa reason though- just that she was not the friendliest person to begin with but she really hated me. A couple of people told me that.</p><p></p><p>Re. therapy- I agree that no therpeutic methods will work if a person doesn't want them to or isn't willing to at least try them. However, I think sometimes a person's way of thinking is very skewed and they don't see that and it takes a very well-trained therapist to help them see that. And I do think that can be helpful, if it's available, then once the person sees it, it has to be up to them to decide whether or not to do anything about it. difficult child has told me he knows something is wrong but he doesn't know what to do about it and that medications and previous therapy were useless. I have to agree with him on that. But the previous therapy was not with people well-trained in some of these issues and they were all doing the typical that we on this board find when we take our difficult children in for help. This is why I was trying to get difficult child in family therapy at the VA.</p><p></p><p>I spoke with the homeless rep at VA yesterday. She suggested me going to a transitional home this month, using the time difficult child is in Department of Juvenile Justice this time to get back on my feet and into a home and then being prepared to deal with difficult child in family therapy when he's released. Yeah, hummm, we decided to discuss that more later.</p><p></p><p>Sorry this got so long. I woke up with a lot on my mind, I guess. Now I have a short period of time to find homes for the dogs and get rid of everything so maybe I can get some money out of it and not have to walk off and leave it for nothing. And it will be even harder to get a job living out of a place like that so I've still got to squeeze some time in for job hunting this week and next.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 372351, member: 3699"] I had seen burn marks on him before he was sent to detention a few months ago and difficult child told me he had done it himself. I still called the crisis center because they were the only place open that time of night and asked if they thought this was a MH issue. I'm not sure if the courts people's attitutde that I'm just a neurotic mom who over-reacts or whatever has made it's way to our MH dept (they all know each other) but the lady at the crisis center toldd me it was nothing to be concerned about because teens these days are doing this to themselves a lot. Fine, I let it go because PO seems to think difficult child does a lot of things just to get the shock factoor from me. But then this past weekend I saw one burn mark on his chest and in hind sight, it probably was where someone put a cig out on him. Apparently, when difficult child had to strip and change clothes in front of guards going into detention Monday, they saw more and told PO. PO asked difficult child about them and that's how it came out that difficult child was letting people put cigs out on him. PO is one who clearly thinks MH treatment is only there for completely insane people or people who have an issue they want to discuss with a therapist- he doesn't get that there is a lot in between. Just like they don't geet that just because the psychiatrist at Department of Juvenile Justice removed ggfg's bipolar diagnosis doesn't mean that difficult child still doesn't have a mood disorder or something else. But over the past couple of months, PO has acknowledged little by little that difficult child has some serious issues and they mostly revolve around him wanting to be accepted by peers, that his behavior isn't normal, and that we have a very difficult relationship. Nice. We've known all that for years. But courts people were too busy telling their MH evaluators what they wanted the reports to say because they didn't believe what the outside MH evaluators had reported. They didn't see it and didn't believe me. They had listened to my family and believed I was the only problem. This is what I am referring to when I say they have the tail wagging the dog over there. Now PO is starting to see a little of this for himself. I asked him yesterday if there was any way to get more intensive therapy for difficult child and for us as a family this time while he's in Department of Juvenile Justice. He said no, he'll get the typical generic stuff that all the boys in there get- like they weren't going to do something special for just one. According to PO, this is it- no services for difficult child. And they wonder why I feel like I'm standing here watching them whittle away whatever hope and chance difficult child has left until he's bound for a life of incarceration. They are already telling me that he'll probably never be able to make it in society and will be in the revolviong door the rest of his life. Why? because they didn't unlock the door at 15yo after he'd been incarcerated since barely turning 14 yo and come out a easy child without needing transitional services, therapy, anything. Like he's a dirty white sock that didn't get clean when washed so we'll just throw it away. I did stress to PO that the two main things I want to make sure the judge knows, besides that difficult child is running around all hours of the night and I can't stop him, is that he let others put cigs out on him, and exactly HOW he stole that money from me. Reducing charges will be a discussion between the DA and def attny. Being that the offense was against me, the DA probably will ask how I feel about it prior to any plea bargain made. At least that is how it worked last year when difficult child pulled the knife out on me. ETA: Another thing PO has mentioned but not given details about- he said that a lot of stuff pertaining to the way people over there had been blaming me stemmed from "some things not getting documented and reported correctly- they got a little twisted and not told to others accurately". He told me a few months ago that he'd talked to previous PO about difficult child and "clearly, there were some big problems between the two of us" (she and I). Then when I said to him on Monday that I'd like to know why previous PO and GAL couldn't be held accountable and that I thought they should be, he said he agreed. Since I never had a problem with her until she started trying to micromanage the way I was raising difficult child and I kknew what she wanted was contradictory to what difficult child's MH profs' recommendations were and against my mommy instinct, it makes me think that the PO had some issue against me to start out with. It makes me wonder if there might have been some reverse discrimination going on, too. When the custody case was going on, my attny told me that the PO was out to make me non-compliant for anything she could and was itching to take me to the judge. No one could come up with aa reason though- just that she was not the friendliest person to begin with but she really hated me. A couple of people told me that. Re. therapy- I agree that no therpeutic methods will work if a person doesn't want them to or isn't willing to at least try them. However, I think sometimes a person's way of thinking is very skewed and they don't see that and it takes a very well-trained therapist to help them see that. And I do think that can be helpful, if it's available, then once the person sees it, it has to be up to them to decide whether or not to do anything about it. difficult child has told me he knows something is wrong but he doesn't know what to do about it and that medications and previous therapy were useless. I have to agree with him on that. But the previous therapy was not with people well-trained in some of these issues and they were all doing the typical that we on this board find when we take our difficult children in for help. This is why I was trying to get difficult child in family therapy at the VA. I spoke with the homeless rep at VA yesterday. She suggested me going to a transitional home this month, using the time difficult child is in Department of Juvenile Justice this time to get back on my feet and into a home and then being prepared to deal with difficult child in family therapy when he's released. Yeah, hummm, we decided to discuss that more later. Sorry this got so long. I woke up with a lot on my mind, I guess. Now I have a short period of time to find homes for the dogs and get rid of everything so maybe I can get some money out of it and not have to walk off and leave it for nothing. And it will be even harder to get a job living out of a place like that so I've still got to squeeze some time in for job hunting this week and next. [/QUOTE]
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