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Substance Abuse
My difficult child's moods are all over the place.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 519230" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Even if you could let her move back in, it would not be a responsible parenting decision. She really needs for you to insist that she develop and adult life of her own, and letting her come back home would be sort of like trying to move her back into your womb when seh was four or five - just not healthy for anyone. She needs to get through this to learn that she CAN live an independent life. I don't know what makes her feel unsafe, it is probably a combination of things, but those are HER things to work out. She also probably likes your home more than wehre she is living now and likes the niceties of life that you have that no one starting out in life has until they work hard and earn those things. </p><p></p><p>The ups and downs may be a result of spending her days working with a man who shows very classic abuser patterns of tear you down viciously then praise you then rip you apart just as you think you are healing a little tiny bit. It can make even the strongest person feel fragile. But this is HER issue and something SHE has to experience and deal with. I do think a drug test is probably a good idea, because at least here the salons are one of the places where it is super easy to get drugs. It is one of the few careersthat a young lady can learn to do in tech school during the high school years and then get out and make a decent wage with-o going to college. It means that many of the people working in the salons have a bit of extra money at times and it is easy to get into drugs. Sadly the salons and the fitting room at walmart are the best non-university places in our town to get drugs. Scary, </p><p></p><p>You might want to think about sitting down with her and the director and challenging her statements that the director told her that you were not giving her chances to earn your trust. That is something that would really bother me. I strongly doubt that this was what the director told her, and maybe she is not understanding what is meant by needing to earn trust back. I think that the director is a good person to be part of the conversation because he needs to know if she is either not understanding him or deliberately misrepresenting what he did say to herself and to you. But this is just a thought and you need to handle it however will work best for you and difficult child and yoru husband. I just think maybe she is trying to fool herself into thinking that the director meant that you should let her spend the night and have access to your home when she wants and this is a pretty dangerous thing for her to do. </p><p></p><p>If she feels unsafe all the time then maybe some work with a dv center's therapy would help her learn to get past being a victim always waiting to be hurt? this seems to be a recurrng theme with her, and if she can deal with whatever is causing this then maybe she would be better able to find a good life partner and better employment options..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 519230, member: 1233"] Even if you could let her move back in, it would not be a responsible parenting decision. She really needs for you to insist that she develop and adult life of her own, and letting her come back home would be sort of like trying to move her back into your womb when seh was four or five - just not healthy for anyone. She needs to get through this to learn that she CAN live an independent life. I don't know what makes her feel unsafe, it is probably a combination of things, but those are HER things to work out. She also probably likes your home more than wehre she is living now and likes the niceties of life that you have that no one starting out in life has until they work hard and earn those things. The ups and downs may be a result of spending her days working with a man who shows very classic abuser patterns of tear you down viciously then praise you then rip you apart just as you think you are healing a little tiny bit. It can make even the strongest person feel fragile. But this is HER issue and something SHE has to experience and deal with. I do think a drug test is probably a good idea, because at least here the salons are one of the places where it is super easy to get drugs. It is one of the few careersthat a young lady can learn to do in tech school during the high school years and then get out and make a decent wage with-o going to college. It means that many of the people working in the salons have a bit of extra money at times and it is easy to get into drugs. Sadly the salons and the fitting room at walmart are the best non-university places in our town to get drugs. Scary, You might want to think about sitting down with her and the director and challenging her statements that the director told her that you were not giving her chances to earn your trust. That is something that would really bother me. I strongly doubt that this was what the director told her, and maybe she is not understanding what is meant by needing to earn trust back. I think that the director is a good person to be part of the conversation because he needs to know if she is either not understanding him or deliberately misrepresenting what he did say to herself and to you. But this is just a thought and you need to handle it however will work best for you and difficult child and yoru husband. I just think maybe she is trying to fool herself into thinking that the director meant that you should let her spend the night and have access to your home when she wants and this is a pretty dangerous thing for her to do. If she feels unsafe all the time then maybe some work with a dv center's therapy would help her learn to get past being a victim always waiting to be hurt? this seems to be a recurrng theme with her, and if she can deal with whatever is causing this then maybe she would be better able to find a good life partner and better employment options.. [/QUOTE]
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