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My ex hurting all of us by talking about his great relationship with Scott
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 592455" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Interesting, Susie. Scott read Boundaries, then did a workshop on it and that's what changed him, but not for the better. Actually, his EXTREME religion also did and for him this religious conversion was not good, at least not for those who loved him. He seemed to think that the book and his church mean that he should do whatever he wants to do and everyone else should just pick up the pieces on their own...he has no responsibility for anyone else's feelings. Maybe he's right.</p><p></p><p>I have read that book to see why he changed so much and I think he took it to the extreme and did not get the central message. But I did. And I've read Melodie Beatty and I even was a member of Codependents Anon. I know darn well I can't change anyone else. But I'm puzzled as to why ex keeps pushing Scott on the other kids, who were so hurt from him.</p><p></p><p>But that's just ex and, yeah, I can't change him. He has no understanding of people, their feelings, anything. Like I said, I wonder if he is a high functioning Aspie. He has always had REALLY peculiar social skills with absolutely no interest in even learning how to better them because I don't think he knows he does so many things that others would catch onto and not do. And this is just another one. </p><p></p><p>As for me being an Adult-----. Why do you think I believe I should go to Al-Anon? There is no CODA here and I need the reinforcement of the twelve step group and to be reminded in real life that I can not change anyone...just my reaction to what they do and say. Julie is really not a big problem. She doesn't hang me with much of her stuff, not even about her father. The one I have to REALLY detach from is 35. I'm much better than I ever was before, but not as good as I would be if Scott hadn't left (no, I can't change him either). But you sure nail people well. I'm an adult child of a narcissistic father who barely paid any attention to us and none to his grandchildren and who has never seen, nor does he have a desire to see, his great-grandchild. My mother was probably on the borderline spectrum. They raised me. There was no cool extended family. I had no aunt I could talk to. My one uncle called me "brat." </p><p></p><p>So I know you are right and you always ground me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I really appreciate it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 592455, member: 1550"] Interesting, Susie. Scott read Boundaries, then did a workshop on it and that's what changed him, but not for the better. Actually, his EXTREME religion also did and for him this religious conversion was not good, at least not for those who loved him. He seemed to think that the book and his church mean that he should do whatever he wants to do and everyone else should just pick up the pieces on their own...he has no responsibility for anyone else's feelings. Maybe he's right. I have read that book to see why he changed so much and I think he took it to the extreme and did not get the central message. But I did. And I've read Melodie Beatty and I even was a member of Codependents Anon. I know darn well I can't change anyone else. But I'm puzzled as to why ex keeps pushing Scott on the other kids, who were so hurt from him. But that's just ex and, yeah, I can't change him. He has no understanding of people, their feelings, anything. Like I said, I wonder if he is a high functioning Aspie. He has always had REALLY peculiar social skills with absolutely no interest in even learning how to better them because I don't think he knows he does so many things that others would catch onto and not do. And this is just another one. As for me being an Adult-----. Why do you think I believe I should go to Al-Anon? There is no CODA here and I need the reinforcement of the twelve step group and to be reminded in real life that I can not change anyone...just my reaction to what they do and say. Julie is really not a big problem. She doesn't hang me with much of her stuff, not even about her father. The one I have to REALLY detach from is 35. I'm much better than I ever was before, but not as good as I would be if Scott hadn't left (no, I can't change him either). But you sure nail people well. I'm an adult child of a narcissistic father who barely paid any attention to us and none to his grandchildren and who has never seen, nor does he have a desire to see, his great-grandchild. My mother was probably on the borderline spectrum. They raised me. There was no cool extended family. I had no aunt I could talk to. My one uncle called me "brat." So I know you are right and you always ground me :) I really appreciate it. [/QUOTE]
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My ex hurting all of us by talking about his great relationship with Scott
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