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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 486443" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>You probably arent going to like what I am going to say but I am going to say it because I made the same mistake you did last night in dealing with your son and your husband. I know you are probably saying to yourself "oh my heavens, how on earth did I make any mistakes?" Well, I will tell you my opinion based on looking back at my life.</p><p></p><p>Your son is grown now. He is legally an adult with all the responsibilities that go with it. If he chooses to disrespect your home, he chooses the consequences and if his father gets mad, so be it. Its your husbands house and if he tells him to get out, your son needs to go. No back talking. Your job is to support your husband and not interfere. Your other kids needed to be removed from the situation. It matters not if your husband was out of control. I would imagine that he had a pretty good reason to be angry at your son. I would bet that this wasnt the first time your son was bad. </p><p></p><p>I cant tell you how many times I stepped between my husband and my son and tried to be the peacemaker. Many times I took my sons side against his father. Boy did that make things bad. Now his father blames my son for everything that goes wrong in our lives and thinks I coddle my son even though he doesnt even live here and hasnt for well over a year. My husband feels I deserted him and chose my son when it mattered most. Not a good thing. </p><p></p><p>In your case, to keep your home as calm as possible, it would be best to have your son live elsewhere. That probably means you helping him to find someplace to live. It doesnt mean just tossing him into the gutter. If he is supposed to start community college that is great but he also needs at least a part time job to help pay his living expenses. If you can afford it, help him with rent in a rooming house. He should find a roommate too. He needs to get moving on his own though. A shelter until he starts this. Maybe couch surf or go to a relative for a bit. But dont bring him home. </p><p></p><p>Join us over on Parent Emeritus for more help. Thats where more of us parents with older kids hang out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 486443, member: 1514"] You probably arent going to like what I am going to say but I am going to say it because I made the same mistake you did last night in dealing with your son and your husband. I know you are probably saying to yourself "oh my heavens, how on earth did I make any mistakes?" Well, I will tell you my opinion based on looking back at my life. Your son is grown now. He is legally an adult with all the responsibilities that go with it. If he chooses to disrespect your home, he chooses the consequences and if his father gets mad, so be it. Its your husbands house and if he tells him to get out, your son needs to go. No back talking. Your job is to support your husband and not interfere. Your other kids needed to be removed from the situation. It matters not if your husband was out of control. I would imagine that he had a pretty good reason to be angry at your son. I would bet that this wasnt the first time your son was bad. I cant tell you how many times I stepped between my husband and my son and tried to be the peacemaker. Many times I took my sons side against his father. Boy did that make things bad. Now his father blames my son for everything that goes wrong in our lives and thinks I coddle my son even though he doesnt even live here and hasnt for well over a year. My husband feels I deserted him and chose my son when it mattered most. Not a good thing. In your case, to keep your home as calm as possible, it would be best to have your son live elsewhere. That probably means you helping him to find someplace to live. It doesnt mean just tossing him into the gutter. If he is supposed to start community college that is great but he also needs at least a part time job to help pay his living expenses. If you can afford it, help him with rent in a rooming house. He should find a roommate too. He needs to get moving on his own though. A shelter until he starts this. Maybe couch surf or go to a relative for a bit. But dont bring him home. Join us over on Parent Emeritus for more help. Thats where more of us parents with older kids hang out. [/QUOTE]
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