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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 486446" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You should probably take this post to parent emeritus where all of us are dealing with grown children who have drug and violence issues like you do. And you won't like what I have to say either, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>Your 21 year old son should not be living at home anymore, whether he has nowhere to go or not (you can give him a list of shelters and soup kitchens). He is disrespectful, violent, a bad influence on the other kids, a drug user, slacking off and refusing to work and, if this had been me, I would have called the cops on him. No adult child who is using drugs, not working and being violent should be at home. They will not change unless they hit rock bottom and acknowledge the need for help, and as long as he has you and your husband to bully (and the other kids to use for support) he will not have any incentive to get sober, get a job, or treat you with respect. It is actually kinder to make his life harder for him than to make his life cushy while he self-destructs (and, in the process, destroys ALL of you.</p><p></p><p>21 is not a child anymore and should not be treated like one. Drug abuse is a serious issue that changes our kids and n Occupational Therapist (OT) for the better. If they refuse to go into a rehab, they need to be shown the door. I know this sounds easier than it is. When my daughter left, and she actually had a good place to stay...her straight arrow brother agreed to take her in IF she behaved, her last words to me were "I will hate you forever!" I cried for three weeks straight, but we just couldn't do it anymore and we had two young kids who were scared of her too. We made our daughter leave and shes was only nineteen. But she did change, which she claims would not have happened if we had kept her at home. </p><p></p><p> Your son is living in your house, not his own, and there comes a time when it is kinder to all to make a grown child leave than to let him stay. You may need to call the cops to find out about eviction laws, but this young man's behavior is inexcusable. You may have to use the cops to remove him. Some of us have, most of our kids have agreed to leave on their own. Trust me, our kids have incredibly good self-preservation skills and find places to stay, even if we may not like where they go.</p><p></p><p>You may want to go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting for real life support. They are great. We used them. </p><p></p><p>You need to think about your husband and you and your other kids and detach from this one until he comes to you with an honest desire for help. Until then, he is not going to change and the craziness in your house will not get better. Big huggggggz, as I have been there. Keep us posted and try Parent Emeritus! On THAT forum, we have all been in your shoes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 486446, member: 1550"] You should probably take this post to parent emeritus where all of us are dealing with grown children who have drug and violence issues like you do. And you won't like what I have to say either, unfortunately. Your 21 year old son should not be living at home anymore, whether he has nowhere to go or not (you can give him a list of shelters and soup kitchens). He is disrespectful, violent, a bad influence on the other kids, a drug user, slacking off and refusing to work and, if this had been me, I would have called the cops on him. No adult child who is using drugs, not working and being violent should be at home. They will not change unless they hit rock bottom and acknowledge the need for help, and as long as he has you and your husband to bully (and the other kids to use for support) he will not have any incentive to get sober, get a job, or treat you with respect. It is actually kinder to make his life harder for him than to make his life cushy while he self-destructs (and, in the process, destroys ALL of you. 21 is not a child anymore and should not be treated like one. Drug abuse is a serious issue that changes our kids and n Occupational Therapist (OT) for the better. If they refuse to go into a rehab, they need to be shown the door. I know this sounds easier than it is. When my daughter left, and she actually had a good place to stay...her straight arrow brother agreed to take her in IF she behaved, her last words to me were "I will hate you forever!" I cried for three weeks straight, but we just couldn't do it anymore and we had two young kids who were scared of her too. We made our daughter leave and shes was only nineteen. But she did change, which she claims would not have happened if we had kept her at home. Your son is living in your house, not his own, and there comes a time when it is kinder to all to make a grown child leave than to let him stay. You may need to call the cops to find out about eviction laws, but this young man's behavior is inexcusable. You may have to use the cops to remove him. Some of us have, most of our kids have agreed to leave on their own. Trust me, our kids have incredibly good self-preservation skills and find places to stay, even if we may not like where they go. You may want to go to an Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meeting for real life support. They are great. We used them. You need to think about your husband and you and your other kids and detach from this one until he comes to you with an honest desire for help. Until then, he is not going to change and the craziness in your house will not get better. Big huggggggz, as I have been there. Keep us posted and try Parent Emeritus! On THAT forum, we have all been in your shoes. [/QUOTE]
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