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My husband and I are splitting up
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<blockquote data-quote="bran155" data-source="post: 240753"><p>You guys are so great!! I do feel horrible about myself, that I gained all of this weight. And he is saying he needs therapy on his own. He does have many unresolved issues from his past with his family. He grew up in a house of addicts and was neglected, moved out at 15 and has been on his own ever since. His family barely even calls for him. When he was 8 his mother was out on a heroin binge, he was home with his stepfather, his stepfather shot up while he was sitting on his lap, OD'd and died. My poor husband sat on his lap for hours while he was already deceased until his mother came home. He has never dealt with that trauma. I guess it is very possible that I got so caught up in my own issues and I am so needy of support that I just couldn't see the lack of sex on his part as an issue for him. As a "girl" him saying no shows up as rejection in my heart. Especially "the fat girl" in me. She just feels so rejected!!!! And hey, I am only 39 I still want sex!!!! lol</p><p></p><p>Okay so I am not going to make any rash decisions right now. I am definitely not going to continue therapy with my sw. It is so disappointing because I really like her a lot. But there were quite a few things that I was not comfortable with regarding her being our therapist. First of all, I have been confiding in her on my own for months. And then during therapy she was a little mean. One of my complaints was that half the time I speak to my husband he does not respond. It's almost as if he is ignoring me. I think it is just common courtesy to speak when spoken to. It hurts that I really do support my husband, listen to him when he wants to talk about his work issues or if something is bothering him. I support him, give him advice, tell him what I think, I RESPOND to him when he speaks to me. On the other hand I could tell him something that I am going through, talk to him about it and he really doesn't have much to say back to me. I sometimes feel like I am not being supported by him. Well from all of that I was told to "Grow up", she said that I need to grow up!!! She actually said that a few times. I thought that was a bit rude and odd. I don't think it is asking to much to be acknowledged when you are speaking to someone. I just did not like the way the session went. I think maybe she can't be impartial or objective as she and I have already formed a relationship and she already knows everything about me and my family. I am going to tell her today that I do not wish to continue therapy with her. </p><p></p><p>Thank you guys for bringing me back down to reality. I so appreciate all of your advice. I am feeling a lot better today. My husband and I had a few laughs last night. Wait til you hear this!!! We have a mouse in our house. It walks around as if it is his house and we are the visitors. My husband and I were sitting on the couch watching tv and talking when I feel something CRAWLING UP MY LEG!!!!!!!!!! I screamed, kicked my leg up and it came flying out from under my jeans in the air across the room!!!!! I scared my husband, he screamed, we both jumped on the couch. My sister heard all of the rucus and came running up the stairs to find me and my husband standing on our couch freaking out!!!!!! Needless to say, I did not sleep a wink!!!!! I still cannot believe that happened. Of course, afterwards we all had a big laugh. I brought my sister's cat upstairs, I am going to buy a liter box for my apartment so that he can come up there and chase his these little vermon playmates out of my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>I have read each and every one of your posts and agree with EVERY ONE OF THEM!!! You all are so right. I do need to work on me and he does need to work on him. I am completely comfortable with him doing therapy on his own. In fact, I have been urging him to do so for years. He does tell me he feels like he is in a depression. And I definitely do not feel good about me. It is absolutely true that when you don't feel good about yourself, anything can be hurtful, and I personally tend to read way too much into things. I have really horrible self talk as well. I tend to bash myself when things are going badly. Which only feeds my negative perception of myself. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all so much for your support. You really have opened my mind to see that this might just very well be an issue for him that has nothing to do with me. No rash decisions, we are going to work it out. And I am happy about that, I do love him very much and he is a really good man. </p><p></p><p>p.s. Thanks for sharing some of your personal experiences with me. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bran155, post: 240753"] You guys are so great!! I do feel horrible about myself, that I gained all of this weight. And he is saying he needs therapy on his own. He does have many unresolved issues from his past with his family. He grew up in a house of addicts and was neglected, moved out at 15 and has been on his own ever since. His family barely even calls for him. When he was 8 his mother was out on a heroin binge, he was home with his stepfather, his stepfather shot up while he was sitting on his lap, OD'd and died. My poor husband sat on his lap for hours while he was already deceased until his mother came home. He has never dealt with that trauma. I guess it is very possible that I got so caught up in my own issues and I am so needy of support that I just couldn't see the lack of sex on his part as an issue for him. As a "girl" him saying no shows up as rejection in my heart. Especially "the fat girl" in me. She just feels so rejected!!!! And hey, I am only 39 I still want sex!!!! lol Okay so I am not going to make any rash decisions right now. I am definitely not going to continue therapy with my sw. It is so disappointing because I really like her a lot. But there were quite a few things that I was not comfortable with regarding her being our therapist. First of all, I have been confiding in her on my own for months. And then during therapy she was a little mean. One of my complaints was that half the time I speak to my husband he does not respond. It's almost as if he is ignoring me. I think it is just common courtesy to speak when spoken to. It hurts that I really do support my husband, listen to him when he wants to talk about his work issues or if something is bothering him. I support him, give him advice, tell him what I think, I RESPOND to him when he speaks to me. On the other hand I could tell him something that I am going through, talk to him about it and he really doesn't have much to say back to me. I sometimes feel like I am not being supported by him. Well from all of that I was told to "Grow up", she said that I need to grow up!!! She actually said that a few times. I thought that was a bit rude and odd. I don't think it is asking to much to be acknowledged when you are speaking to someone. I just did not like the way the session went. I think maybe she can't be impartial or objective as she and I have already formed a relationship and she already knows everything about me and my family. I am going to tell her today that I do not wish to continue therapy with her. Thank you guys for bringing me back down to reality. I so appreciate all of your advice. I am feeling a lot better today. My husband and I had a few laughs last night. Wait til you hear this!!! We have a mouse in our house. It walks around as if it is his house and we are the visitors. My husband and I were sitting on the couch watching tv and talking when I feel something CRAWLING UP MY LEG!!!!!!!!!! I screamed, kicked my leg up and it came flying out from under my jeans in the air across the room!!!!! I scared my husband, he screamed, we both jumped on the couch. My sister heard all of the rucus and came running up the stairs to find me and my husband standing on our couch freaking out!!!!!! Needless to say, I did not sleep a wink!!!!! I still cannot believe that happened. Of course, afterwards we all had a big laugh. I brought my sister's cat upstairs, I am going to buy a liter box for my apartment so that he can come up there and chase his these little vermon playmates out of my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have read each and every one of your posts and agree with EVERY ONE OF THEM!!! You all are so right. I do need to work on me and he does need to work on him. I am completely comfortable with him doing therapy on his own. In fact, I have been urging him to do so for years. He does tell me he feels like he is in a depression. And I definitely do not feel good about me. It is absolutely true that when you don't feel good about yourself, anything can be hurtful, and I personally tend to read way too much into things. I have really horrible self talk as well. I tend to bash myself when things are going badly. Which only feeds my negative perception of myself. Thank you all so much for your support. You really have opened my mind to see that this might just very well be an issue for him that has nothing to do with me. No rash decisions, we are going to work it out. And I am happy about that, I do love him very much and he is a really good man. p.s. Thanks for sharing some of your personal experiences with me. :) [/QUOTE]
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