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Substance Abuse
My independent adult son is not who he wants us to believe he is
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 618436" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>First, I am so sorry. Right now you are in shock and fear and pain. I have been there. My head was reeling with it and I couldn't think of what to DO first, second or third. Of course, my MO was always DOING something about any type of problem, so I couldn't wait to spring into action.</p><p><u></u></p><p><u>That is what has to change in you and your family in regards to dealing with your son</u>.</p><p></p><p>We just love them so much we want to STOP it. Somehow. I know, because I tried literally everything in the world to try to get him to stop. It doesn't work. It. Doesn't. Work. And yes, I even looked into getting guardianship in a court, from a judge, over him, an adult.</p><p></p><p>You are not going to be able to stop this, and I am so sorry about that. Believe me, I get it. I have been dealing with an ongoing complete train wreck that is my precious son---now 24 years old---for the past four years. That's when I found out what was going on. And it has only gotten worse. </p><p></p><p>It's going to take you some time to get your heart and your head around this. We would love to save you some of the stuff we have been through with our kids. I don't know if we can or not---that is up to you.</p><p></p><p>You sound a lot like the person I used to be. My kids were both going to college, both master's degrees probably, we went to church every Sunday, both boys were acolytes, they played sports, we sat down to dinner together most nights, they had nice little part-time jobs, paid for their own gas and spending money, then more responsibility. It was going to be a great life and a great extended family as the years went on. My ex-husband and I are both college graduations, with professional successful careers. </p><p></p><p>Yes, ex- I say, because the disease can be genetic and my ex-husband is a recovering alcoholic. You see, that is where I got my first taste of this horrlble, cunning, baffling disease that will suck the life and love out of EVERYTHING. We didn't separate until my youngest son, the one who is still struggling today, was a junior in high school. He had already had YEARS of a solid family life---my ex was very high functioning and hid it well from all of us for many years. </p><p></p><p>I tell you these things because the first idea is to say, oh, we're not like those folks. We are different. Sadly, the disease is a great equalizer and you will find, as the days, weeks and months roll on, that the steps the disease takes are frighteningly the same. </p><p></p><p>And that is why our healthy reactions are the same. </p><p></p><p>MWM gave you good stuff. I would reread that post. Please know there is so much compassion in me for you right now. Please keep coming back. You don't have to be perfect here. It's okay to make progress or not make progress here. There is a lot of truth-telling that goes on here---I have just discovered this site in the past month and it has already helped me a lot.</p><p></p><p>I would also recommend you consider Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. I have worked the Al-Anon program hard for the past four years, since my son's decline, and it has literally saved my life and my sanity. I have learned so much about myself and I have changed a lot and have become a better person. I am so thankful for the program.</p><p></p><p>Please let us know how you are and what you need. Again, I am sorry that your precious son has chosen this path. Prayers for you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 618436, member: 17542"] First, I am so sorry. Right now you are in shock and fear and pain. I have been there. My head was reeling with it and I couldn't think of what to DO first, second or third. Of course, my MO was always DOING something about any type of problem, so I couldn't wait to spring into action. [U] That is what has to change in you and your family in regards to dealing with your son[/U]. We just love them so much we want to STOP it. Somehow. I know, because I tried literally everything in the world to try to get him to stop. It doesn't work. It. Doesn't. Work. And yes, I even looked into getting guardianship in a court, from a judge, over him, an adult. You are not going to be able to stop this, and I am so sorry about that. Believe me, I get it. I have been dealing with an ongoing complete train wreck that is my precious son---now 24 years old---for the past four years. That's when I found out what was going on. And it has only gotten worse. It's going to take you some time to get your heart and your head around this. We would love to save you some of the stuff we have been through with our kids. I don't know if we can or not---that is up to you. You sound a lot like the person I used to be. My kids were both going to college, both master's degrees probably, we went to church every Sunday, both boys were acolytes, they played sports, we sat down to dinner together most nights, they had nice little part-time jobs, paid for their own gas and spending money, then more responsibility. It was going to be a great life and a great extended family as the years went on. My ex-husband and I are both college graduations, with professional successful careers. Yes, ex- I say, because the disease can be genetic and my ex-husband is a recovering alcoholic. You see, that is where I got my first taste of this horrlble, cunning, baffling disease that will suck the life and love out of EVERYTHING. We didn't separate until my youngest son, the one who is still struggling today, was a junior in high school. He had already had YEARS of a solid family life---my ex was very high functioning and hid it well from all of us for many years. I tell you these things because the first idea is to say, oh, we're not like those folks. We are different. Sadly, the disease is a great equalizer and you will find, as the days, weeks and months roll on, that the steps the disease takes are frighteningly the same. And that is why our healthy reactions are the same. MWM gave you good stuff. I would reread that post. Please know there is so much compassion in me for you right now. Please keep coming back. You don't have to be perfect here. It's okay to make progress or not make progress here. There is a lot of truth-telling that goes on here---I have just discovered this site in the past month and it has already helped me a lot. I would also recommend you consider Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. I have worked the Al-Anon program hard for the past four years, since my son's decline, and it has literally saved my life and my sanity. I have learned so much about myself and I have changed a lot and have become a better person. I am so thankful for the program. Please let us know how you are and what you need. Again, I am sorry that your precious son has chosen this path. Prayers for you all. [/QUOTE]
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My independent adult son is not who he wants us to believe he is
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