My lingering headache..and more

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ropefree, Dec 10, 2008.

  1. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    The week-end came to an end. No continuity with the rules. The school is all oh he is doing so well here, and everyone likes him.

    And that is a huge positive.

    Yet the in home behavor and the lack of respect for the things that are reasonable at home is now just feels so very wrong.

    I went through old e-mails to the point where this abrupt change came into play. It is all about the working of the relationships with his friends and
    two in particular. Both are from negligent homes. Which, in a way, ours is as well, although not for lack of interest or efforts on my part.

    The great divide prang up when the inappropriate behavior was trumped by me. Then the reactionary games began.

    It is about the crazymaking behavoir that seeps in with the teens who have parents who are either ignorant, on drugs or both. My son wanted me to help. What he had not counted on is that I was not going to coddle the adult male who had latched on the the teens younger than he because he is following the couch surfers guide to rent free room and board. What I did was listen to his carismatic speal about all the whatevers and then when the part came where the listener is suppose to offer to help out I told him that as an adult he had no business latching on to teen agers and trying to get their families to meet his needs for him. Go to day labor, go to a homeless shelter, volunteer with Habitate for humaninty while looking for a job. These kids do not need you hanging around them looking for companionship because you are not doing anything with your time. Do not come back here and leave my son alone.
    His other freind who I have known for years I had happily helped until his mother came and directed her hostility at me. Then I recognised the fact that she is one of those who is stuck on the pitty potty of dv and she has chosen to attach handles.
    Her son has been drifting along in school and the IEP services were dropped for all the teens in higher classes, which is so wrong. The diagnosis is not
    there just to convieniance the schools to "qualify" it represents a need and the fact is you show many ANY teen that would not benifit from conseling and then tell me that teens with a diagnosis are "not needing" conseling?
    The last few days I have been just dragging. Getting through this month finacially is toupher than usual. And the Christmas celebration is looming like a potential low point of all time. I have given household needed things and regular stuff every year...and the few gifts. So far the mornings have been joyfull. I had been hoping we would have a tree this year. We never have.
    And this or next will be the last and this year is our first in a real house.

    I have some cookie plans. I think I will be able to muster some enthusiasm between then and now. :sick::alien:

    On whole it is amazing that he is doing so well academicly and has some motivations to succeed. That was a heck of a haul.:mad:

    My son is a great guy. It is just me he despises right now. How is that lucky? Where is the light on that tunnel? Ok maybe the part where if they are to comfortable they never leave...but why mean to MOM? :mad::angry-very::faint:
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am sorry you are finding a hard time. It is common for teens to despise their parents. It is their way of pushing you away to try to grow up on their own. They don't want others to see how parents are still helping them so to be an individual, they try to make you look little in everyone's eyes (thus making them look more capable).

    Much of the "magic" of the holidays can be found in the presentation. Find fun ways to give gifts. Like giving small package of Smarties candies with a note, "No one can outsmart you!" Find inexpensive gifts and present it in a special way. Maybe make a coupon book of services such as "Good for one breakfast served in bed" and "Good for one night of t.v. shows of your choice (approved by mom of course)" and "Good for one pass for taking out the trash" Gifts of you are the best and most memorial.

    Maybe give an empty cookie container (found in dollar stores or 2nd hand stores) with a note "To be filled with the treat of your choice (of list what you are willing to make).

    Find movies that difficult child likes and have movie nights from now until Christmas. You can borrow movies from the library. Tell difficult child they have to be holiday shows (to get you both in the mood).

    I think that your son's motivation to do well in school is the best thing. I know how hard it is to deal with kids who have lost interest in achieving in school because they think it is too hard and refuse to listen to advise to make it easier. Good for him. Try to find away to acknowledge that at Christmas. Maybe make a certificate and have it framed; "In honor of hard work and good grades, this certificate is awarded to ___________ on Christmas Day 2008"