It has been a stressful week for my parents and me. Heck, truthfully a stressful life. My childhood was not ideal, by any measure. However, my sister's unresolved cause of death, and her unresolved anger in her life, - and the way in which my parents have handled it, have been emotional land mines for me in every way. There are times in the last 4 months I never wanted to see them again. However, life is short. My Dad has cancer. But more than that, I have unconditional for them. This week I had to sit through a 2 hour meeting with a lawyer on my parent's estate, and my will - just so they would have peace of mind. The entire time all I could think about was H. Who gives a flying leap about me - them - now. None the less. I do. My parent's are going on another high adventure outdoor trip. The ones where they tell me their passwords to every bank account, and the safe combo, "just in case". I am a little rattled, although they do this often. Tonight we tried to have a family dinner, and discuss and try and sort the many details of this turbulent situation. Suffice it to say, I cried. But then my Dad cried because he was scared I would leave, just like H. Here is the email I just sent them: Please know that no matter how mad I might get, or sad, that I will never abandoned us as a family. I knew that a long time ago. And there is nothing that can change that, not even H's death. We all have unconditional love towards each other - and we will always be a family - no matter what odds are thrown at us. I have promised that to myself, to you guys, to H, to difficult child - a long, long time ago. I feel horrible that I may be creating any more pain for you guys than you are already in. I just sometimes feel compelled to speak what I believe to be the truth. I love you very much. I can't express how deeply in turmoil I feel. I feel ruptured. Torn. As if I am undergoing an exorcism. And yet at the same time. Mad. Mad that H. is gone. Mad that she left me absolutely zero of her life. Mad that she left difficult child not one iota of a legacy. Mad that my parent's are honoring her "said last wishes", and letting her girlfriend have everything. Mad that the cops did not investigate this as they should have. Mad she is gone. Really mad, she is gone. Thank you so much for listening. You have no idea how much it helps. My pups can only handle so much.