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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 581654" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I'm working on mom getting a POA and a medical POA. I've been working on this for a while now. I plan to work harder on it but 3 states away all I can do is tell her it needs to be done before she is ganged up on and declared incompetent. Not that I think she'd fail a competence exam. Mentally ill and incompetent are not the same thing. </p><p></p><p>I know the medical POA will have to be me. I wish to high heaven there was another option other than me for the regular POA as I do NOT want that headache. But sis in Indy would wipe mom out financially within a month. Not greedy per se just irresponsible with money and will literally give it to anyone she feels in "need". (which is one reason she is always broke herself, she'll even ask mom for cash to pay bills and proceed to give the money mom gives her away to someone she feels needs it more and have her utility shut off. omg) Oldest bro is not responsible with money either, which is why he is always broke. Sis in Texas is too far away even though she'd probably do ok with the money as far as responsibility except she'd have her husband do it because she has never handled the finances and has no clue how to do so after so many years of marriage. (neither have experience dealing with elderly parents either) And while I don't have anything against her husband I don't trust him with my mom's money. Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>Lil bro for POA? No way in hades. I'll tell mom exactly what he is planning before I let her walk into that trap. I'm trying to avoid doing that, because it is something that could cause a psychotic break in mom. Lil bro is her "baby" if you get my drift and to think that her perfect son is trying to get her locked up somewhere to suit his own desires could send her into a spiral. She suspects it strongly already.....so far that is enough to keep her motivated in the right direction. </p><p></p><p>Susie, I was sort of blowing off the money motivation for lil bro simply because I am somewhat sure mom doesn't have the funds the other 4 kids believes she does. Now if the house sells, that will change of course. But when I was talking to him last night trying to explain to him that her insurance would only cover so much for a nursing home and that she had to spend through all her money/valuables before medicare would pick up the cost.......he kept interrupting and telling me that oh we have a window of so many years where if she gave the money away it would be fine. wtf? I flat out told him no you don't. Mom is 76. Honestly, while she is ok right now she could pass away at any time.......or stroke and need services. You can't count on any such "window" of time when it comes to the elderly. I know because mother in law was considering giving away inheritance money before she passed and both sister in law and I nixed it for this reason. 1. it was HER money, not ours to use as needed (it's what they saved for ect geez) and 2. because of that law written to protect the elderly from their kids stealing their retirement and leaving them high and dry or frauding medicare. </p><p></p><p>He's also "supposedly" decided it is illegal to let mom sell her house as we "know" she is incompetent to do so. He says he's talked to a realtor and it now takes ALL us kids to sign for her to sell legally. Bullsh*t! He must think I'm stupid and has forgotten I just went through years of this with mother in law and then father in law before her........even helped sister in law with her own mother. omg Mom is NOT mentally incompetent. She can **** well sell her house if she wants to and none of us can do anything to stop it. </p><p></p><p>Hmmm. Having just written that out I got a cold chill down my spine. I do NOT want to tell mom this incompetent hearing is what lil bro has in mind, but now I'm worrying he may have this planned for the near future if he can get someone to back him up in court. </p><p></p><p>If I tell her, it could send her spiraling and play right into his plans. If I don't tell her she might not move fast enough to get that POA and Medical POA into effect. With those in place lil bro is helpless as far as mom is concerned. He will be powerless to make any sort of decisions concerning either her money or medical care.</p><p></p><p>Good heavens. I think I'm going to pick up the phone and call mom and really push this getting the POA and medcial POA done. I wouldn't argue if she let older bro be POA, just wouldn't think it a smart idea, but is HAS GOT TO BE DONE NOW. With medical POA I can stop any and all attempts to "lock her up". I will worry about funds later if need be. </p><p></p><p>ugh. Wish me luck. Mom knows she should have both those POAs in place, yet she keeps putting it off. Hopefully I can lite a fire under her fanny.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 581654, member: 84"] I'm working on mom getting a POA and a medical POA. I've been working on this for a while now. I plan to work harder on it but 3 states away all I can do is tell her it needs to be done before she is ganged up on and declared incompetent. Not that I think she'd fail a competence exam. Mentally ill and incompetent are not the same thing. I know the medical POA will have to be me. I wish to high heaven there was another option other than me for the regular POA as I do NOT want that headache. But sis in Indy would wipe mom out financially within a month. Not greedy per se just irresponsible with money and will literally give it to anyone she feels in "need". (which is one reason she is always broke herself, she'll even ask mom for cash to pay bills and proceed to give the money mom gives her away to someone she feels needs it more and have her utility shut off. omg) Oldest bro is not responsible with money either, which is why he is always broke. Sis in Texas is too far away even though she'd probably do ok with the money as far as responsibility except she'd have her husband do it because she has never handled the finances and has no clue how to do so after so many years of marriage. (neither have experience dealing with elderly parents either) And while I don't have anything against her husband I don't trust him with my mom's money. Know what I mean?? Lil bro for POA? No way in hades. I'll tell mom exactly what he is planning before I let her walk into that trap. I'm trying to avoid doing that, because it is something that could cause a psychotic break in mom. Lil bro is her "baby" if you get my drift and to think that her perfect son is trying to get her locked up somewhere to suit his own desires could send her into a spiral. She suspects it strongly already.....so far that is enough to keep her motivated in the right direction. Susie, I was sort of blowing off the money motivation for lil bro simply because I am somewhat sure mom doesn't have the funds the other 4 kids believes she does. Now if the house sells, that will change of course. But when I was talking to him last night trying to explain to him that her insurance would only cover so much for a nursing home and that she had to spend through all her money/valuables before medicare would pick up the cost.......he kept interrupting and telling me that oh we have a window of so many years where if she gave the money away it would be fine. wtf? I flat out told him no you don't. Mom is 76. Honestly, while she is ok right now she could pass away at any time.......or stroke and need services. You can't count on any such "window" of time when it comes to the elderly. I know because mother in law was considering giving away inheritance money before she passed and both sister in law and I nixed it for this reason. 1. it was HER money, not ours to use as needed (it's what they saved for ect geez) and 2. because of that law written to protect the elderly from their kids stealing their retirement and leaving them high and dry or frauding medicare. He's also "supposedly" decided it is illegal to let mom sell her house as we "know" she is incompetent to do so. He says he's talked to a realtor and it now takes ALL us kids to sign for her to sell legally. Bullsh*t! He must think I'm stupid and has forgotten I just went through years of this with mother in law and then father in law before her........even helped sister in law with her own mother. omg Mom is NOT mentally incompetent. She can **** well sell her house if she wants to and none of us can do anything to stop it. Hmmm. Having just written that out I got a cold chill down my spine. I do NOT want to tell mom this incompetent hearing is what lil bro has in mind, but now I'm worrying he may have this planned for the near future if he can get someone to back him up in court. If I tell her, it could send her spiraling and play right into his plans. If I don't tell her she might not move fast enough to get that POA and Medical POA into effect. With those in place lil bro is helpless as far as mom is concerned. He will be powerless to make any sort of decisions concerning either her money or medical care. Good heavens. I think I'm going to pick up the phone and call mom and really push this getting the POA and medcial POA done. I wouldn't argue if she let older bro be POA, just wouldn't think it a smart idea, but is HAS GOT TO BE DONE NOW. With medical POA I can stop any and all attempts to "lock her up". I will worry about funds later if need be. ugh. Wish me luck. Mom knows she should have both those POAs in place, yet she keeps putting it off. Hopefully I can lite a fire under her fanny. [/QUOTE]
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