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My Mommy heart is hurting
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 87393" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'm so sorry you are going through this. Honestly, your son so reminded me of my daughter at that age. I actually sewed up the pockets of any clothing she had so things couldn't be put in them in. Her backpack was a clear plastic. Any purses were see through. She verbally abused her friends. Sadly, if she opened her mouth, it was a lie.</p><p></p><p>Here are some things that worked for me. For theft: I did not ask questions. I didn't ask where it came from, how it was gotten, etc. I would simply say something to the effect that whatever she had taken needed to be returned to whomever. If not, I would find out the price and take that money from her savings. If she wouldn't tell me to whom to give the money, it was given to a charity of my choice. After awhile, she found it easier to return whatever the item was. </p><p></p><p>The same basically for lying. If she lied, I would look at her, tell her what I THOUGHT had happened and tell her that, sadly, there was nothing she could say that was going to convince me I was wrong. If I later found out she was telling the truth (a very, very rare occasion), I would let her know that I was very happy that she had told the truth and give her a reward. I did not bother punishing the lie. It was an exercise in futility.</p><p></p><p>For teaching empathy: Oddly, puppets worked even at ages 12 and 13. She would be her friend or me or whomever. I would be her. We would act out things I had seen happen -- both how she had behaved and what could have been differently. It did help her to visualize some of her behavior. Again, it was not done with any accusations, just a way to show her different ways to do the same things.</p><p></p><p>Today, she does have empathy. The lies are few and far between and usually correctly within 12 hours. Theft has truly stopped. So, there is hope that he will "get" it. A lot of patience, a good therapist, possibly some medications and a great deal of luck are needed, but there is hope.</p><p></p><p>by the way -- If you live near a Children's Hospital or a good teaching hospital, I'd recommend trying to get in there for testing, etc.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 87393, member: 3626"] I'm so sorry you are going through this. Honestly, your son so reminded me of my daughter at that age. I actually sewed up the pockets of any clothing she had so things couldn't be put in them in. Her backpack was a clear plastic. Any purses were see through. She verbally abused her friends. Sadly, if she opened her mouth, it was a lie. Here are some things that worked for me. For theft: I did not ask questions. I didn't ask where it came from, how it was gotten, etc. I would simply say something to the effect that whatever she had taken needed to be returned to whomever. If not, I would find out the price and take that money from her savings. If she wouldn't tell me to whom to give the money, it was given to a charity of my choice. After awhile, she found it easier to return whatever the item was. The same basically for lying. If she lied, I would look at her, tell her what I THOUGHT had happened and tell her that, sadly, there was nothing she could say that was going to convince me I was wrong. If I later found out she was telling the truth (a very, very rare occasion), I would let her know that I was very happy that she had told the truth and give her a reward. I did not bother punishing the lie. It was an exercise in futility. For teaching empathy: Oddly, puppets worked even at ages 12 and 13. She would be her friend or me or whomever. I would be her. We would act out things I had seen happen -- both how she had behaved and what could have been differently. It did help her to visualize some of her behavior. Again, it was not done with any accusations, just a way to show her different ways to do the same things. Today, she does have empathy. The lies are few and far between and usually correctly within 12 hours. Theft has truly stopped. So, there is hope that he will "get" it. A lot of patience, a good therapist, possibly some medications and a great deal of luck are needed, but there is hope. by the way -- If you live near a Children's Hospital or a good teaching hospital, I'd recommend trying to get in there for testing, etc. [/QUOTE]
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