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My Mommy heart is hurting
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<blockquote data-quote="MelissaH" data-source="post: 87437" data-attributes="member: 3221"><p>Oh my as with meowbunny's daughter, your son sounds exactly like mine about 3 years ago. Minus the stealing, at least to my knowledge. It was lie after lie after lie and he was always the victim when it came to friends, school, mom, dad, anything. He would do things that he knew were wrong or would hurt somebody and not give a <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />. For about a year and a half we, his parents, were not ready to go the medication route and tried behavior modification. And, while it worked somewhat we finally got to the point where we had no choice but to medicate, not only for our sanity but for his well-being. It was getting to the point where nobody wanted him around, not even family, and it could have started to have a serious effect on his self-esteem. Like you guys, my husband and I were racked with guilt. I thought we didn't pay enough attention to him, we let him watch too much TV, we didn't feed him the right food, whatever I could think to blame myself I did. Finally after years of agonizing I came to realize that it's not our fault and the best thing we can do is go full force with any and all resources to help our son deal with this. Both my husband and I attended parenting classes, to learn different methods of discipline and communication. Some worked and some didn't but we just kept trying until we found one that works for us. Another thing that, I think, is a HUGE factor in my son's success is ensuring that me and hubby are on the same page--ALWAYS! If there ever was something that we didn't agree on we never let our son see it. Also, we made sure that we have 100% communication with the school and ensure that our son knows that. At one point our son was coming home from school saying that everybody hates him and the teachers hated him and were mean to him and picked on him so we arranged a meeting with the teacher to address these issues. We made sure that my, my husband, any teachers in question, and our son was present and when it all came out that none of this was true it made our son see that no more can he pull the wool over our eyes. </p><p></p><p>He still has his bad days but it is wayyyyyyyyyy more good days than bad days. He is now in grade 5 and all of grade 4 I didn't have to leave work once to go and get him however in grade 2 his suspensions added up to probably a couple months of missed school and while the suspensions did subside a bit in grade 3, there were still times that I would have to leave work to go and get him because he was out of control and nobody could get through to him.</p><p></p><p>With the stealing thing, I love the idea of sewing pockets closed and nothing but clear bags. If I ever encounter episodes of stealing I will for sure use this method.</p><p></p><p>I guess what I am saying is it all takes time...a long time but it is soooo worth it when he is starting to have more good days than bad. It also takes strength, commitment, and determination on your's and your husband's part. Your difficult child will try and try and try to break you down but as long as you stand your ground, you will get through it!</p><p></p><p>Good luck and big hugs to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MelissaH, post: 87437, member: 3221"] Oh my as with meowbunny's daughter, your son sounds exactly like mine about 3 years ago. Minus the stealing, at least to my knowledge. It was lie after lie after lie and he was always the victim when it came to friends, school, mom, dad, anything. He would do things that he knew were wrong or would hurt somebody and not give a :censored:. For about a year and a half we, his parents, were not ready to go the medication route and tried behavior modification. And, while it worked somewhat we finally got to the point where we had no choice but to medicate, not only for our sanity but for his well-being. It was getting to the point where nobody wanted him around, not even family, and it could have started to have a serious effect on his self-esteem. Like you guys, my husband and I were racked with guilt. I thought we didn't pay enough attention to him, we let him watch too much TV, we didn't feed him the right food, whatever I could think to blame myself I did. Finally after years of agonizing I came to realize that it's not our fault and the best thing we can do is go full force with any and all resources to help our son deal with this. Both my husband and I attended parenting classes, to learn different methods of discipline and communication. Some worked and some didn't but we just kept trying until we found one that works for us. Another thing that, I think, is a HUGE factor in my son's success is ensuring that me and hubby are on the same page--ALWAYS! If there ever was something that we didn't agree on we never let our son see it. Also, we made sure that we have 100% communication with the school and ensure that our son knows that. At one point our son was coming home from school saying that everybody hates him and the teachers hated him and were mean to him and picked on him so we arranged a meeting with the teacher to address these issues. We made sure that my, my husband, any teachers in question, and our son was present and when it all came out that none of this was true it made our son see that no more can he pull the wool over our eyes. He still has his bad days but it is wayyyyyyyyyy more good days than bad days. He is now in grade 5 and all of grade 4 I didn't have to leave work once to go and get him however in grade 2 his suspensions added up to probably a couple months of missed school and while the suspensions did subside a bit in grade 3, there were still times that I would have to leave work to go and get him because he was out of control and nobody could get through to him. With the stealing thing, I love the idea of sewing pockets closed and nothing but clear bags. If I ever encounter episodes of stealing I will for sure use this method. I guess what I am saying is it all takes time...a long time but it is soooo worth it when he is starting to have more good days than bad. It also takes strength, commitment, and determination on your's and your husband's part. Your difficult child will try and try and try to break you down but as long as you stand your ground, you will get through it! Good luck and big hugs to you! [/QUOTE]
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