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My mother...again....(LONG)
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 378256" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Gosh, I'm sorry she just doesn't leave well enough alone.</p><p></p><p>From one person with a dysfunctional, sick and warped mother to another? I'll tell you what I'd do (although I in no way think it is the right thing for everyone). I'd just stop. Emailing her back? No thanks. I wouldn't. Because she isn't going to suddenly be a "mom" and send a loving message and turn into a nurturing parent we'd like. So why respond? Your difficult child is no longer a young boy. Grandparents rights? Maybe that washed in earlier years. But your mother would have no leg to stand on, period. And something tells me she probably knows it. Years without proper contact. Estranged (nearly) from you. The lengthy history you listed? Even if she tried to deny it all and make you look bad instead, the odds of a judge forcing your difficult child at his age to visit because she thinks she has rights? Well if she cares so much about her rights, she'd have been seeing your son. And that's all a judge is going to see. A mother against it. A difficult child who has no real bond with her. And her suddenly wanting "rights" she hasn't enforced in the past. Soon enough your difficult child will be a adult and decide if he wants to play her game. A judge will see that too. the power she may have held with this approach no longer has the weight it had when your difficult child was younger. In fact, it has none. From a mom perspective (you) I can see how threatening it feels, given your history with your mom and other family members. However, from a third party perspective? That threat being enforcable has passed (thankfully).</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't email back. i wouldn't pass on a forwarding address. I would unlist my phone number when I moved. If she got the number, pay the $5 a month to block her number. Just end it. Decide to end her tyranny for yourself and for difficult child. You don't owe her anything simply for bringing you into the world. You have PTSD for a reason. So do I. I can tell you what I only figured out last year or so, and it made 100% difference in my life. PTSD cannot be "therapied" away, not if you are still subjected to the same thing. And with your mom? It's not done yet. You can't heal when you are still IN it. Know what I mean?? Your healing will come when you stand up for yourself, face that fear of her threats and move on anyhow. She can't control you. Your difficult child is not going to suddenly get released to her. Honestly. What judge in their right mind is going to release him down the line to a much older grandparent, who can't get along with her own daughter, who hasn't been part of difficult child's life in any major way, when your difficult child has the issues he has to boot? None. Really. None. As for your brother? Not going to happen either. This is not a young vulnerable child any more. He's a budding young man, your difficult child is. And he can stand for himself as well. And at the very hint to a court that there was abuse from your bro to you? No judge would risk taking his word over yours, and placing your child in a place that could be risky.</p><p></p><p>There is so much on your plate right now, and it isn't being made easier with false words and false relationships. Especially ones that trigger understandable PTSD type issues. You are about to make a huge leap of faith, strike out in a new path. You will find a new address. You will find a new job. You will find a new way to be a mother to a son who isn't living with you. You will be literally starting over. Consider this, as difficult as it has all been, as your chance to walk into a new life with your head held high and nobody behind you dragging you down. Let your mom go and let yourself live again. Living under a cloud of terror because she wants to wield power over you is not the way to go anymore. She doesn't hold the power she did when you were young, when it mattered what reports your parent gave about you, where she controlled who had access to you to harm you, where you were mother to a young child who didn't have a mind of his own etc. </p><p></p><p>It is simply different now. Time has passed and with it is approaching a opportunity to free yourself of a life times worth of sick and twisted dysfunction. You deserve it. And she isn't going to offer it to you. You simply have to let yourself love yourself enough to go ahead and take it.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs))) I wish things were different for you, in so many ways. I feel your story is partly mine to a degree. I so relate to so many things you say. I want you to know that I believe in you. And I believe you are at a stage of life where things can get better than you've ever known them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 378256, member: 4264"] Gosh, I'm sorry she just doesn't leave well enough alone. From one person with a dysfunctional, sick and warped mother to another? I'll tell you what I'd do (although I in no way think it is the right thing for everyone). I'd just stop. Emailing her back? No thanks. I wouldn't. Because she isn't going to suddenly be a "mom" and send a loving message and turn into a nurturing parent we'd like. So why respond? Your difficult child is no longer a young boy. Grandparents rights? Maybe that washed in earlier years. But your mother would have no leg to stand on, period. And something tells me she probably knows it. Years without proper contact. Estranged (nearly) from you. The lengthy history you listed? Even if she tried to deny it all and make you look bad instead, the odds of a judge forcing your difficult child at his age to visit because she thinks she has rights? Well if she cares so much about her rights, she'd have been seeing your son. And that's all a judge is going to see. A mother against it. A difficult child who has no real bond with her. And her suddenly wanting "rights" she hasn't enforced in the past. Soon enough your difficult child will be a adult and decide if he wants to play her game. A judge will see that too. the power she may have held with this approach no longer has the weight it had when your difficult child was younger. In fact, it has none. From a mom perspective (you) I can see how threatening it feels, given your history with your mom and other family members. However, from a third party perspective? That threat being enforcable has passed (thankfully). I wouldn't email back. i wouldn't pass on a forwarding address. I would unlist my phone number when I moved. If she got the number, pay the $5 a month to block her number. Just end it. Decide to end her tyranny for yourself and for difficult child. You don't owe her anything simply for bringing you into the world. You have PTSD for a reason. So do I. I can tell you what I only figured out last year or so, and it made 100% difference in my life. PTSD cannot be "therapied" away, not if you are still subjected to the same thing. And with your mom? It's not done yet. You can't heal when you are still IN it. Know what I mean?? Your healing will come when you stand up for yourself, face that fear of her threats and move on anyhow. She can't control you. Your difficult child is not going to suddenly get released to her. Honestly. What judge in their right mind is going to release him down the line to a much older grandparent, who can't get along with her own daughter, who hasn't been part of difficult child's life in any major way, when your difficult child has the issues he has to boot? None. Really. None. As for your brother? Not going to happen either. This is not a young vulnerable child any more. He's a budding young man, your difficult child is. And he can stand for himself as well. And at the very hint to a court that there was abuse from your bro to you? No judge would risk taking his word over yours, and placing your child in a place that could be risky. There is so much on your plate right now, and it isn't being made easier with false words and false relationships. Especially ones that trigger understandable PTSD type issues. You are about to make a huge leap of faith, strike out in a new path. You will find a new address. You will find a new job. You will find a new way to be a mother to a son who isn't living with you. You will be literally starting over. Consider this, as difficult as it has all been, as your chance to walk into a new life with your head held high and nobody behind you dragging you down. Let your mom go and let yourself live again. Living under a cloud of terror because she wants to wield power over you is not the way to go anymore. She doesn't hold the power she did when you were young, when it mattered what reports your parent gave about you, where she controlled who had access to you to harm you, where you were mother to a young child who didn't have a mind of his own etc. It is simply different now. Time has passed and with it is approaching a opportunity to free yourself of a life times worth of sick and twisted dysfunction. You deserve it. And she isn't going to offer it to you. You simply have to let yourself love yourself enough to go ahead and take it. (((hugs))) I wish things were different for you, in so many ways. I feel your story is partly mine to a degree. I so relate to so many things you say. I want you to know that I believe in you. And I believe you are at a stage of life where things can get better than you've ever known them. [/QUOTE]
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